I was taught to "honor my parents" from my childhood, from family to school. It's even brainwashing.
When I was a child, I was very obedient. If I don't listen, the teacher can hit you directly, unlike the current school. Of course, if I don't listen at home, my parents will hit me.
Therefore, I clearly remember everything my mother told me about education and abide by it.
What I remember most is that my mother told me and my brother how hard she had to bring us up. In the future, she must know how to repay kindness and be filial to her parents.
At the age when I can't even use chopsticks, I have listened to such inculcation countless times at the dinner table.
Every time my mother finished this sentence, if I didn't do housework after that meal, I would be scolded and said, "I just told you the truth and forgot it in the blink of an eye." It means that if you want to honor your parents, you should help with the housework. This is called filial piety.
So that later, not doing housework is unfilial and not listening to any requirements of parents. This is called unfilial. Finally, in a word, unfilial parents are unfilial.
I remember that time, I got up in the morning because I was too sleepy and moved slowly. My dad urged me to hurry up because I said it several times, and I said stop impatiently. My mother hit me for this, saying that I dared to contradict my parents, which was unfilial.
When I grew up, I found a partner. There is no money at home and I can't afford a house. You can only live in the room left by your family. My mother told me that it really made my family uneasy. So it's unfilial of me to pour out the water and not save money for my family.
Later, I was pregnant, and my mother didn't want to babysit me, saying that my nephews were all baiwenhang. I said I really had no choice, so I found such a person, and my mother-in-law really couldn't come. My mother said you'd only get tired of your own mother.
Actually, I really don't want to live in the house given by my parents. I want to rent a house. I really don't want my mother to take care of the children. I want to quit my job and be a full-time mother.
But of course, all this will be rejected by my father, which is simply childish, and he will never agree.
So in the end, I became a baiwenhang with an unfilial title and staying at home. My husband has also become a door-to-door son-in-law People around you won't say, but who doesn't understand what happened?
I am 30 years old, and my mother is still chanting the word filial piety to me. But now it's not so straightforward to educate me. To put it another way, my grandmother once educated her like that, and there are regrets in her words. But this is only my guess, and this guilt is probably just my wishful thinking.
Tell me what I think. When I was a child, I didn't like these teachings, but I didn't know how to argue. Now that I have my own child, I really only hope that she will be well. As for whether she will honor me in the future, I really haven't thought about it. So I don't quite understand why my mother is always so worried that I will not honor her.
I don't think it's her choice to bring children into this world, but my decision. She is passive. Therefore, it is my responsibility to raise her and cultivate her into a person with independent personality.
When she 18 years old, I will hold a bar mitzvah for her. From then on, she needs to think independently and choose independently. I can give her advice when she is hesitant, but I will never interfere in her life. Because she is an independent individual, has her own thoughts and is responsible for her own life.
And I, I am just her guide, I will lead her in the right direction, distinguish right from wrong, be kind and brave, be independent and decisive, that's enough, and the rest is her life, which has nothing to do with me.
I saw an argument on the Internet that day, and Hong Tao said, "I want to train my children into" baiwenhang ". "I think this idea is correct. The so-called "raising children to prevent old age" is a thing of the past. I gave birth to him and raised him, not just to support the elderly.
When she comes of age, I will retire. I have to have my own life. I also have things I love and dreams I want to pursue. I don't want to be bound by my children.
As for filial piety, it does not exist here. I think a family should pay more attention to "love" than filial piety. If I love my child and she loves me, then she will naturally care about me and support me. This is a heartfelt desire and an irresistible desire. Not because of the responsibility and task of "she is my mother, what should I do?" If I care about my mother only because she asks me to be nice to her again and again, so that my original intention of being nice to her every time is "I have to care about my mother, otherwise she will be unhappy, or others will call me unfilial", is the family really happy? I think that's pathetic.
There should be no reason why a family should be kind to a person. If there is, it's because I love you.
So in fact, at this time, I will understand my mother's concern.
She repeated that sentence over and over again because of the lack of spiritual world. If a person's spirit is not independent enough, he will not know how to be independent and seek dependence. I feel sorry for my mother and understand that it is a difficult process to gradually change the times from feudal thought. From my grandmother to my mother to me, we are gradually understanding the word "filial piety" with our own cognition.
I hope that starting from my generation, I will gradually abandon the dross of Confucianism. A new era is coming, and 2020 is almost over. It's time to get rid of old ideas, change our thinking and welcome the new era.