Avoidant attachment is mostly due to the cognitive distortion caused by his family background and his past love experience, which leads to his inability to face up to himself and others, so his attitude towards himself and others is incorrect and objective. ? Obviously there is love in this world, but they can't feel it. It is clear that the world has positive energy, but they can't feel it. Obviously, you are excellent and everything is OK. Sometimes you feel like garbage. ?
The mirror of parents is very important. However, many people's parents' mirrors are often not very flat, and the unevenness of their surfaces does not reflect your true appearance, but this uneven mirror has been photographed for twenty or thirty years. In these twenty or thirty years, you feel ugly and useless, and you hate yourself very much. ? This useless you are the real you in the objective world, so you think no one will like you so much, so you feel inferior, you only believe in yourself, and you reject all goodwill. Sometimes, even if there are some smooth mirrors around you, you will no longer believe that you are the real you in the objective world. ? You can't accept it. It's a pain for you to face the real you. ? But none of this is absolute? The impact is good and bad. Why do we always try to grasp what we don't like to prove "misfortune"?
For example, some people will say: children in single-parent families are miserable! ? Speaking of which, I want to mention it. Snow Princess Gu Ailing also grew up in a single-parent family. Do you think she will hate her family for this? Does anyone give up on themselves because of this? I didn't grow into a sunny, cheerful and shining person. ? Those who preach that it's all the fault of family background just don't want to admit that their misfortune is partly due to themselves. Many people are just poisoned by a kind of poison called "birth affects family".
People always have some strange inertia. On some people and things, as long as they are mentioned, they will think in a bad direction. ? Hearing "influence", the first reaction is to rely on bad influence. In fact, the influence has nothing to do with right or wrong, and there is no difference between good and bad. ? Then why do so many people say that family of origin is wrong now?
Because we need to find an exit for our "misfortune". ? This stems from our own inner denial, disapproval and rejection of the family. Maybe it's because you have bad memories, or just because you envy other people's families ... There is no denying that being born in a family has a great influence on a person, and some wrong ways really make us adults feel bad. ? However, the purpose of opening the scar and discussing the family origin is not to "crusade", but to repair, to prevent intergenerational inheritance, and to make us and our next generation happy. ? So how should we get rid of the negative influence of family background? ?
(1) Acknowledge the influence of family background? The influence of family background on oneself is a problem, not a question of "right or wrong" or "good or bad". ? A family without birth means that there will be no you. With your own looks, there are endless possibilities in life, and these may be your own decisions. ? Don't you know that you are essentially a self with independent thinking? Then it is not surprising that you feel uncomfortable when others talk about yourself.
(2) Being born in a family is neither bad nor bad? If you have such an idea, have you and others experienced the problems of "right or wrong" and "good or bad" in your thoughts? ? So is this really the case with you and others? Actually, you didn't see it clearly at all. ? For example, it is obvious that love rat is in front of you, and he looks like an honest man in your mind. ? If you can really think hard and have enough confidence in the result of your thinking, then you are not afraid to listen to others talk about the topic of "self-esteem and self-love".
(3) See the energy hole of the origin family? Many people will feel that they often don't want to do anything or think much. No matter how big or small, there is nothing they can do ... including: falling in love, getting married, spending time with their parents, educating their children and so on. ? In fact, the essence of your lack of motivation stems from your doubt and disapproval of the concept of "home" or "home". You don't believe that kinship is unconditional and eternal. ? Being born in a family is the place where a person was born, the source of a person's true love and energy, and the underlying logic of your cognitive and thinking mode. ? We also discuss being born in a family in order to find the part lacking energy and fill this loophole.
(4) make up for the energy gap? Maybe we didn't learn to love or love correctly in Origin and Death. You may feel that you may have lost the ability to be loved, but this does not hinder our study as adults. ? In the deep ideology, positive energy such as emotion, motivation, ability and communication can all belong to the same thing-true love. ? This is worth exploring all our lives.