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How many people are sensitive and lonely when they are young? Have you ever been confused and confused when your life consciousness is gradually waking up? The tentacles of exploring the world have been stretched out, and the world is a cold wall. You have nowhere to vent your feelings. You fight against the world in your own way. You fight against the world and compete with yourself. You think of yourself as a knife, fighting the world directly and sharply. You can't live quietly, you are like a trapped animal, and you can't break through.
We always say that every growth is a transformation, a rebirth, like a death.
Everyone will experience the pain of growing up.
Absurd adolescence, deviant past, "every problem of a teenager seems to have gone through a period of imaginary suicide in his life, and he has completed a leap from darkness and chaos to light and clarity in almost possessed violence." Such a long or short time is a "broken file" time.
There is a movie about such a "broken file" time. The 72nd Academy Awards film The Interrupted Girl (Chinese name: The Girl Who Touched the Soul) was made by Angelina? Julie and Winona? Ryder co-star, Angelina? Julie won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for this film. This film is called the female version of "Leap over the Madhouse" by many fans.
In Douban, the film received nearly 20,000 comments with a score of 8.3. Many fans say that this film has brought him lifelong benefits. This is a film about growing up.
This movie is based on Susanna? The adaptation of Carson's autobiographical novel The Lamp in the Refrigerator.
Susanna comes from a superior middle-class family, and her father is the dean of Princeton College. /kloc-Susanna, 0/8 years old, is about to face the college entrance examination. The great pressure forced her to doubt whether she really existed, so she swallowed 50 aspirin.
After meeting with a psychiatrist, she was sent to McLean Psychiatric Hospital for treatment. (McLean mental hospital is famous, poetess Sylvia? Plath, the poet Robert? Lowell and singer James? Taylor and musician ray? Charles and other celebrities have been admitted here. Maybe sensitive people are more likely to become artists? )
This is where the story begins.
Susanna recorded herself and her patients Georgina, Polly, Lisa, Cynthia and Daisy. How do they live in a mental hospital unknown to outsiders? What is the ward like? How often do you patrol? Are they allowed to act alone? Do they obey the treatment? How to defend against self-destruction behavior? ……
"Our door here has a double lock; Our windows here are all covered with barbed wire; Our kitchen here is equipped with plastic knives, but they are usually locked and can only be used when a nurse is watching. Bathroom door here is never locked. These are just medium-security imprisonment. Maximum security imprisonment is already another world. "
For us, this is indeed a place we have never known and set foot in.
The light in the refrigerator will tell you a story. A girl of 18 years old was treated here and found herself in constant self-denial again. This is also the story of everyone's adolescence, but the way of growing up is more intense, or that our inner "crazy" self has not erupted.
What is your youth like? Do you really know yourself? Looking at the lights in the refrigerator, you will find that you are so similar to them.
Susanna was diagnosed as "borderline personality disorder", which is an accurate description of her eighteen years old. She explained this in detail and made a footnote for herself:
What exactly does borderline personality disorder mean?
It is like a transit point between neurosis and psychosis, a broken soul that has not been separated.
"In self-evaluation, interpersonal relationships, emotions and other aspects, there are extremely unstable impulsive psychological behavior patterns ... life goals and career choices are difficult to determine ..." Isn't this an excellent description of adolescence? Perceptual, impetuous, changeable, fashionable, unsafe and unreliable. In short, it is unbearable.
"People who have experienced this unstable experience of self-consciousness for a long time often feel that life is empty and boring." Yes, I feel empty and bored for a long time. That's because I live an impossible and limited life.
I am faced with all kinds of helpless daily life, so I can't mention it. Share one or two below. I won't and don't want to: ski, play tennis, go to fitness classes, go to school to take courses other than English and biology classes, write papers on any designated topic, plan and apply for universities, and make any convincing explanation for this series of "don't want".
My self-awareness is not unstable. I know exactly who I am. I know I can't get along with the current education system and society. But my parents and teachers don't want to know and admit my self-knowledge. Since the reality deviated from their needs and hopes, their cognition of me has become unstable. They don't care if my life is limited, but the fact is that it is. I can only see everything I want to see. I can only keep writing. I can only make many boyfriends one after another.
My classmates are busy weaving their dreams into their future. Some of them want to be lawyers, some want to be ethnobotanists, and some want to be Buddhist monks. Even those boring idiots who follow the rules and never let their lives deviate are planning their marriage and their next generation. I know these things will never exist in my life, because they are not what I want at all. However, does this mean that I should be deprived of everything?
Isn't that what happens when we are teenagers? We can't get along with ourselves safely.
In McLean, these girls watched their souls go from manic depression to calm, and finally found a way to get along with themselves. Life seems very difficult for them, and they need to constantly remind themselves that enduring life is not drifting with the tide, nor is it insensitive. Give yourself some time to choose to say goodbye, throw away some things and move on. Even if life is a chicken feather, we should sing forward. Those restless qualities in the blood are gradually resolved here.
In the long life, we always keep asking about the meaning of life-such a grand but full-featured philosophical proposition is enough to make everyone crazy. This is a cyclic process of seeking, affirming, denying and affirming. When your heart is confused, when you are divided, you may be taken away quietly by madness.
Choose crazy, just to see the essence of life more clearly.
This is a self-movement.
Hang in there, the dawn is coming. You will finally live in peace with the world. This is not the end of the world, everything will pass.
Madness has not been broken ...
Crazy is not depressing,
Or swallow a dark secret.
Or swallowed a dark secret.
Either you or I have been magnified.
That's just you or me. Zoom in.
If you have ever lied and enjoyed it.
If you like lying;
If you ever wanted to be a child forever.
If you want to be a child forever ...