I. Performance characteristics
At present, there is no completely consistent standard for the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III) defines its characteristics as follows:
(1) The response to criticism is anger, shame or shame (though not necessarily immediately).
(2) Like ordering others to serve themselves.
(3) Being too conceited and exaggerating one's talents, hoping to attract special attention.
(4) I firmly believe that my worries are unique in the world and cannot be understood by some special people.
(5) Fantasies about infinite success, power, honor, beauty or ideal love.
(6) think that you should enjoy the privileges that others don't have.
(7) Longing for lasting attention and praise.
(8) lack of compassion.
(9) Have a strong jealousy.
As long as five of them appear, they can be diagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder.
Second, psychological analysis.
Narcissistic personality is similar to hysterical personality in many aspects, such as emotional drama: sometimes he likes sexual teasing. The difference between them is that people with hysterical personality are extroverted and enthusiastic, while people with narcissistic personality are introverted and indifferent. Let's look at a letter from a narcissistic personality to a doctor, which was introduced by Hartocollis in a report in 1980:
"If I get too close to a person, I will have the idea of completely possessing him. I hope that person is by my side all the time, but once he is like this, I feel very uncomfortable, because I am afraid that he will criticize me and dislike me ... "
From this letter, we can see the egocentric characteristics of narcissistic personality. Most of these people show self-esteem, exaggeration, lack of sympathy and excessive sensitivity to other people's comments. They are complacent as soon as they hear compliments from others, otherwise they will fly into a rage. They are very jealous of other people's cleverness, and they have a mentality of "I am not good, and I will not let you be good". When getting along with others, we seldom put ourselves in others' shoes to understand their feelings and needs. Due to lack of compassion, their interpersonal relationship is very bad, and they are prone to loneliness and depression. In addition, they have unrealistic high goals and are often prone to failure in all aspects.
Medical record card
"I am a graduate student majoring in literature. From elementary school to college, everything went well for me. After graduating from college, he was recommended to be a graduate student. But recently, I found myself in trouble, and it was difficult for me to finish my doctorate.
Not long ago, I wrote a paper. I think this is a very valuable document. I believe it will cause a great sensation in the literary world and have a far-reaching impact. But when it's two-thirds, it's hard to go on. Because my tutors take my article seriously, and they are both hard and soft, which leads to my article not being written as soon as possible. I know they are jealous of being virtuous and talented, and they are afraid of losing face after my article comes out. In fact, this shows that they are complacent. However, I will try my best to prove that I can surpass them.
There's another thing that bothers me. I have been suffering from severe insomnia recently. I often toss and turn in bed and can't sleep. I used to have a good relationship with my girlfriend, but I'm very nervous recently. I don't know what these situations are all about. I hope to get your help. "
This is a letter from a consultant.
In order to get to know the young man better and give him some guidance as much as possible, the doctor wrote a letter and invited him to talk.
He came with his girlfriend, and the conversation between them began with his paper. As soon as he met this, he was very happy, as if he were giving a speech at a meeting of ten thousand people and expressing his views.
Healer: "Have you ever felt lonely?"
Explorer: "I've always been lonely." However, this is not important. I know that successful people are always lonely. "
Doctor: "What's your relationship with your girlfriend?"
Explorer: "Not so good. Getting along with women is just a regulator, and there won't be much gain. " He made no secret of it.
So, the therapist asked him to wait outside for a while and invited his girlfriend in to get some information.
According to his girlfriend, he made friends with several girls before her, but for some reason, they all left him without talking for a long time. "I have known him for a long time. At first, he seemed to be infatuated with me, but within two months, he gradually gave me the cold shoulder. Now, I can't stand his domineering more and more. " According to her, at school, he is always alone. Even during the Spring Festival, no one wants to talk to him, and he ignores others.
Just have the opportunity to let the healer know about other graduate students. According to the report, his paper, which was blown into a masterpiece by him, was barely completed, but his tutor and several other professors thought it was a mediocre work, which was neither new nor comprehensive. His classmates also reflect that he is extremely self-restrained and always gets along with others with a sense of superiority, which is unacceptable. When you are slightly inferior to others, you will be jealous or belittle others.
The graduate student above is a narcissistic personality disorder patient.
Third, the treatment method
The treatment of narcissistic personality disorder can generally adopt the following methods:
1. Eliminate egocentric views
The most important feature of narcissistic personality is egocentricity, and the most egocentric stage in life is infancy. As a result, the behavior of narcissistic personality disorder patients actually degenerated to infancy. Judith Vilster said in the book Necessary Losses: "A person who is obsessed with the cradle can't adapt to the adult world if he doesn't want to lose his childhood". Therefore, to treat narcissistic personality, we must understand those childish behaviors. You can list the personality traits you find annoying and the criticisms of others to see how many elements of infancy there are. For example:
(1) Longing for lasting attention and praise, once ignored, taking extreme actions.
I like to instruct others and regard myself as "the emperor's father".
I am drooling over other people's good things and extremely jealous of their success.
……
By recalling one's childhood, we can find that the above-mentioned personality characteristics had a prototype in childhood. For example:
(1) is always eager for parents' attention and praise. Whenever parents ignore this, they will play hooligans, make trouble or do something whimsical to attract their parents' attention.
(2) When I was a child, my clothes reached out and my mouth opened. My parents are servants.
I always want to have everything, others have children, and I want to have them myself.
……
Knowing that your behavior is a copy of childhood childish behavior, you should always tell yourself:
I must work hard and get results to attract others' attention and praise.
I'm not a child anymore. I have to do many things by myself.
Everyone has their own good things. I will strive for what I deserve, but I will not be jealous of what others deserve.
You can also ask someone close to you to be your supervisor. Once there is self-centered behavior, you will be warned and prompted to urge you to correct it in time. Through these efforts, egoism will be gradually eliminated.
2. Learn to love others
For narcissists, it is not enough to abandon egoism, but also learn to love others. Only in this way can we truly realize that it is a wise choice to give up egoism, because you have to give love before you can get love. Fromm expounded the following viewpoints in his book The Art of Love: Children's love follows the principle of "I love because I am loved"; Mature love follows the principle of being loved because of love; Immature love thinks "I love you because I need you"; Mature love thinks "I need you because I love you". Vilster believes that through love, we can transcend life. Narcissistic love is like children's love, immature love. So try to correct it.
The simplest act of love in life is to care about others, especially when others need your help. When someone is sick, send greetings in time, and the patient will sincerely thank him; When others are in financial difficulties, you will pay as much as possible and naturally get respect from others. As long as you love others more in your life, your narcissism will naturally be reduced.