Our life education is really lacking, and children's character education needs to be strengthened, but in my opinion, the most important thing is that our parents, teachers and society can't catch children's mistakes, so that children and adults can't face failure and move forward calmly.
When a child makes a mistake, parents will immediately stand up and correct it, fearing that the child will make another mistake, or severely reprimand it, hoping that the child will remember it for a long time. The teacher just criticizes or calls parents with an expression, as if the child is a criminal. Society is ridiculous or full of rumors, which makes people stand upright.
Liu Xiang, a famous sprinter, performed well in the 1 10 meter hurdles, winning glory for our country. In the 2006 Lausanne Super Grand Prix, Liu Xiang broke the world record with 12.88 seconds. 48 world series, 36 champion, 6 runner-up and 3 runner-up. But we only remember that he retired twice. In the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, his retirement was criticized so much that Liu Xiang had to shut down social media and cut off from the outside world.
Failure is not terrible. What is terrible is that we can't accept children's mistakes, so that mistakes really become failures. Only when we allow our children to make mistakes can they have a chance to succeed.
Professor Kapoor believes that effective failure is the key to help children gain more thinking and learn more knowledge.
For example, after children go to kindergarten, there are often parent-child manual homework. Even a perfect handmade work, if made by parents, is "invalid success". Handmade works jointly completed by children and parents, with children as the protagonist and parents as the supplement, are "effective failures" even if they are not exquisite and flawless, which is commendable.
Therefore, in daily life, we can discuss success and failure with children and change our cognition and reaction to mistakes. If it is an effective failure, we should be happy for the children. They can go one step further, then identify with what the children did right, and look for ways to improve. If it is an invalid failure, then wait for us to calm down and discuss with our children, so as to give feedback and guidance to their behavior.
Most importantly, when our parents begin to distinguish between effective failure and ineffective failure, children will not be afraid of making mistakes, but also accept their own mistakes frankly, so as to treat failure and success rationally.
Huang Jingjie said in the book "Learning Mode" that once he went to his youngest son's school to hold a parent-teacher meeting, he was told by the child that he only got a C in sports and asked why. The child said that he didn't like physical education teachers. At that time, she didn't say a word, just chatted with the teacher in detail. It turned out that the younger son and his good friend were busy writing poems for the poetry reading party, so they deserted to discuss poetry creation on the physical education class. So that I didn't hear the teacher's instructions, fell behind and was criticized and warned by the teacher.
So, Mr. Huang and his youngest son borrowed the thinking mode of "effective failure" to discuss this matter together. Finally, the children understand that although they went to physical education class to write poetry, it was an ineffective success, which brought negative results to physical education class and affected the overall average score of the school year. Physical education class's losing points is an invalid failure. Not only did he not benefit, but he also lost the opportunity to cooperate with his classmates.
Then, the younger son decided to take an active part in physical education class in the next class and make up for the lost sports as soon as possible. A few days later, the child's sports performance will be from C to B. At this time, the child's performance is an "effective mistake" because he has learned to look at his mistakes positively and benefit from them.
There is no shame in failing. On the contrary, it will let children see their own shortcomings and the direction of improvement, so as to reflect on why they failed and treat failures and mistakes positively and objectively, instead of treating failures as a scourge and making stupid things.
Therefore, on the way of parenting, we can talk more about the thinking mode of "effective failure" with our children and tell them that failure is not terrible, it doesn't matter, and we can also turn failure into "effective failure" and "effective success".
I once read a news that the champion of the college entrance examination in a county in Fujian was afraid to go home because of college failure, so he wandered outside for ten years and made a living by collecting rags. It is precisely because he is the hope of the whole village that his parents have high hopes for him. If he fails in the exam, his parents will blame and criticize him. He has always been the first since he was a child. He didn't expect to fail in the first year of college, because he was afraid of disappointment in his hometown, he chose to wander and escape.
Failure is normal, an opportunity for children to learn, not a stain on children. Failure does not mean that the child's life is over, nor does it mean that the child is useless. However, we don't allow children to make mistakes or fail, so that children don't dare to fail in their parents' reactions, and they lose the opportunity to try and the courage to challenge.
It is the father who can accept his children's mistakes, be fault-tolerant, make Zhong Nanshan dare to challenge, constantly break through medical problems, and help us successfully overcome SARS in 2003, the epidemic in 2020, and create medical miracles.
Therefore, we accept children's mistakes and help them look at them positively, and children will take them as stepping stones and climb up. Otherwise, children will implant the belief that "I can't fail" in our denial and rejection of failure, and dare not make mistakes, thus losing the courage to face failure and difficulties.
We can never walk. From a baby who can't talk to a child who can talk and jump, and then to an adult, it is a journey of trial and error. Without making mistakes, there would be no delicious food, no fast means of transportation, and no progress of our human beings.
And our fault tolerance and acceptance will become the fulcrum of children's transition, tilt their future upwards, let them face mistakes and failures frankly and find a place in the fierce competition in the future.