/kloc-in the autumn of 0/958, I was a freshman in Jiangxi University. In the evening, I walked on campus with a classmate named Chen. I saw the thin and short director of the Academic Affairs Office say to the secretary of the Chinese Department with glasses:

"Liu Shuji, Shanghai and Beijing have transferred several teachers to support our school, and two of them will be assigned to teach in your department."

"What subjects do they teach?" Asked the secretary with glasses.

"Beijing Foreign Studies University has a teacher named Dai who teaches the history of foreign literature. The other is teacher Fan from Fudan University in Shanghai, who can teach' three ancient'. " At this point, the academic director's sallow face slowly showed a contemptuous smile, paused for a moment, and then asked himself: "What is the ancients three? That is, ancient Chinese, ancient literary history and classical literature. "

The secretary with glasses nodded to the director with a contemptuous smile to show his understanding of the director's humor.

Today's readers may be surprised at this point. Why do university party and government officials show contemptuous smiles when talking about ancient Chinese, ancient literary history and classical literature? Because Mao Zedong advocates "respecting the past and cherishing the present" and criticizes "respecting the past and cherishing the present" at this moment, the subtext of the director's "Three Classics" is that these are all courses that should be criticized and have little significance.

The director continued: "Teacher Fan reported for duty two days ago and asked for a bigger room. He said that he had brought a lot of reference books, and the bus carrying books will arrive tomorrow afternoon. Your department will send two students to help Teacher Fan move the book to his room. "

The next afternoon, I heard the horn sounded in front of the teacher's dormitory, and the dean called the names of me and another classmate. We immediately ran downstairs and moved the book from the car to his bedroom to show it to Teacher Fan.

I met Mr. Fan standing by the car. He was wearing a faded, slightly wider and ill-fitting blue khaki tunic suit. He is not tall and his hair is sparse. He wears a pair of thick myopia glasses with a lot of circles, and there is a cautious and modest smile on his face, which seems to be only seen on the face of the blind. After we moved the books, Teacher Fan said, "Thank you, because I just arrived at school and have nothing to entertain you. I am really sorry. "

"It is natural for students to move things for teachers. You're welcome. " I finished talking with another classmate and went back to the dormitory to read.

two

The first lesson that Teacher Fan gave us was the history of China. He introduced Xu Shen's Shuo Wen Jie Zi in detail. As he spoke, he wrote on the blackboard, sometimes writing the radicals of seal script, and sometimes writing Su Lingzhi's regular script explanation. His chalk handwriting is very beautiful. At that time, in addition to the ancient prose spoken by Mr. Fan, there were also political and literary theories, Chairman Mao's poems and so on. These courses have many hours and the same content, and students are very tired. However, Teacher Fan's class is rich and novel in content and clearly organized. During class, the classroom was quiet and the students were absorbed in taking notes.

Because teacher Fan's class is very popular, students often go to his room to help him turn on the water, arrange books or ask him some questions.

At the end of 1958, the school organized cadres to inspect health everywhere, and a small note should be posted for good or bad. Good red paper says "clean" and unqualified white paper says "unsanitary". There are too many books in Mr. Fan's house, which are everywhere and very messy. Because of myopia, he can't see clearly, and he hasn't cleaned up the dust accumulated on books and furniture. After the inspection team visited his house, they put an "unhygienic" white note on his door. In a day or two, it will be New Year's Day. If a student sees an "unhygienic" white note on the door when he pays a New Year call to Teacher Fan, he will feel very embarrassed. He tore it up when he was angry, but I don't know which informant found it and reported it to the academic affairs office. But the short and thin director ran to Mr. Fan's house and scolded him: "Mr. Fan, the white note posted on your door was posted by the school health inspection team." How can you just tear it off! ? It's against school discipline to do so. You must re-attach the note! "

"I am alone in Jiangxi, and my eyesight is poor ..." Mr. Wang muttered, and put the white strip on the door again with glue. In response to the trick played by the Academic Affairs Office on Mr. Wang, I found a red paper to make a New Year card, wrote "Congratulations to the teacher for a healthy and happy New Year" on the paper, and then stuck it on a white note to cover up the word "unsanitary". Soon someone reported it to the academic affairs office. This time, the director didn't say anything, but when he saw me, his face immediately collapsed.

three

The students all like to listen to Mr. Fan's lectures, especially interested in "Shuo Wen Jie Zi" introduced by him. At that time, I also found a lot of annotated editions of Shuo Wen Jie Zi. In the mid-term exam, I won the first place in the ancient Chinese class. So my classmates gave me a nickname, called "storytelling fan"

Once I was joking with a group of classmates, and one of them said to me, "storyteller, I ask you a question, can you answer it?"

"You said." I should follow.

"Simplified characters, are they designed according to six books?" He asked.

"It's possible." I answered casually.

"So, what kind of simplified word Guo belongs to?"

I thought for a moment and replied, "I know this word!" " "

"How can you be sure it's a word of recognition?" The classmate asked.

"The country's' country'," I said with a smile, "is a closed encirclement that is isolated from the outside world. There is a king in the circle and a mole on the left. " When I finished, everyone burst into laughter.

A few days later, Mr. Fan suddenly asked me to go to his bedroom. Hardly had I sat down when the usual smile on my husband's face disappeared. He asked: "I heard that you explained to your classmates that the simplified word' country' is a cognitive word. Is this true? "

Seeing the teacher's rare expression, I became nervous and only replied hesitantly, "I told you, I was joking with my classmates."

"Just kidding!" Van with emphasis repeated my words, "you speak so easily! Yesterday, all the teachers held a meeting, and Liu Shuji reported it. He said that your joke is reactionary and a new trend of class struggle! " Then Mr. Wang severely condemned me: "You are smart, making up lies and making fun of academics. Not serious. " After a while, he worried about me again and warned, "You will be in big trouble if you mess around like this ..."

After the anti-rightist movement, informers became the norm in universities. Only then did I know that my punch line was reported to the department branch, and the department secretary informed the teacher and party member. I vaguely feel that my classmates have special respect for me, and my classmates who are friendly to me on weekdays are also avoiding me for fear of being dragged down by me. I felt confused and scared, and suddenly I seemed to have changed.

Some days later, I learned that the secretary of the department secretly mobilized my classmates to expose my reactionary words and deeds because of my jokes, and sent staff to investigate my social relations.

Fortunately, I was only seventeen or eighteen at that time, and I had nothing to say. My father is a senior cadre after the Long March, and both the general branch secretary and the principal are very kind to me. They just called me to the office, gave me a good scolding, and then asked me to write a critical letter lightly, and the matter was simplified into a small problem and let me slip away.

four

Since I fell into the dilemma of knowing words, I have learned my lesson, only reading books and seldom talking. But in that era when class struggle was emphasized, I was criticized at the conference, once because I lost my class position and once because I was backward in thought and reactionary in speech.

The so-called loss of class status occurred on the school-run farm. One evening, on my way back to the farm dormitory after finishing farm work, I saw a young teacher put a cart of pig grass on the side of the road for air. His face was pale and his forehead was covered with bean-sized sweat. I think he is ill. Although I don't know his name, I heard that he is a "right-wing" teacher transferred from Sun Yat-sen University. I said to him, "It's getting late. You must be tired. Do you want me to help you choose a road? " He agreed. Before dark, I picked him more than a mile and put it down for him to pick into the school-run pig farm.

The next morning, I was exposed and criticized at the class meeting held on the farm lawn. The monitor said that I helped the "Rightists" pick pig grass, sympathized with the Rightists, and lost my class position. I thought no one would admit it then.

"It's the Rightists themselves who confess to the organization," the secretary of the Ministry said angrily. "You've lost your class position, even the Rightists are inferior. The Rightists know that they should strive for progress in the transformation and move closer to the organization. You helped the Rightists and covered up your mistakes. How backward you are! " I have nothing to say, so I have to bite the bullet and admit my mistake and review.

Another time I said something wrong. 1960 a study seminar was held every afternoon last semester to discuss "is it possible to avoid the third world war?" The minister said: "Where there is imperialism, there is a hotbed of war, and the third world war is bound to break out, which will never be avoided." The secretary's words were obviously sold from his superiors. He not only said this, but also asked every student to repeat his words. I hate this so-called seminar that forces students to listen to nonsense and then force students to talk nonsense, so I don't want to speak. Finally, I was named by the monitor and insisted that I speak.

I said impatiently, "World War III is inevitable if it is fought. If you don't fight now, it could have been avoided. "

As soon as I finished speaking, several activists jumped up and condemned my so-called "reactionary remarks" in a very intense voice with no content.

"I'm telling the truth!" I defended myself and said, "Because no one has set a specific time, when is it inevitable to fight? When is it inevitable to fight a world war in a hundred years?" Because I said these words, I was listed as a white flag that must be pulled out by the department, so I have to listen to others' reprimands every day and let activists point at my nose and pull it out.

Later, I learned from other teachers that the department also criticized Teacher Fan, because he accepted the task of collating "The Tale of the Western Regions of Datang" given by Zhonghua Book Company, saying that he was a "white teacher" who only cared about personal fame and fortune and did not pay attention to ideological transformation and teaching.

One night, I met my husband outside the school. He walked alone on the road, looking depressed. He saw me and asked, "I heard you were criticized?"

I said, "Yes."

"Why?"

He snorted contemptuously when I told him that a world war could be avoided. I talked about helping the sick "Rightist" teacher pick pig grass, and I was accused by this teacher. I was extremely wronged.

I said, "I can't figure out why that teacher hurt the people who helped him."

Teacher Fan pondered for a long time, and then said, "That teacher was crushed not only politically, but also sadly, his conscience. He was eager to make contributions, lost the standard of good and evil, and lost the standard of judging right and wrong, so he reported you. " After a while, Mr. Fan sighed and said sadly, "How unfortunate that teacher was classified as a rightist at a young age! But you know, the reality is complicated, and unfortunate people are not all good people ... "

five

1959 in the second half of the year, the school proposed that teaching should be combined with practice and teaching should serve the workers, peasants and soldiers. The school was closed, and Mr. Fan didn't go to the countryside because of his poor eyesight. A few classmates and I, led by the writer Mr. Hu Kuang, went to the Machu People's Commune, a model commune in the suburbs of Nanchang, as an internship, to write the history of the commune and praise the so-called high enthusiasm and brilliant achievements of the members in the Great Leap Forward. Together with another classmate named Chen, I went to find a farmer who sold his own son in the famine of the 1940 s through the introduction of the propaganda department of the commune It is said that the two of them are rich and happy now. After many detours, I found the old couple's home. As soon as we entered the village, we saw the old woman who had sold her son sitting at the door in the sunshine. After we explained our purpose, she looked at us with wide eyes in horror. A sad smile appeared on her swollen face, and then she shook her head, as if there were endless bitterness that she could neither swallow nor spit out. Then she lowered her eyelids weakly and sat there quietly.

After a while, her wife came back from cooking in the canteen. The wooden basin is full of leaves and roots, and occasionally you can see one or two. The old man threw the wooden basin on the table, pointed at it and said angrily, "This is our lunch." When we wanted to ask him to talk about the past, he seemed insulted and jumped up and said, "In the past years of famine, we could sell our children and exchange them for some rations. Now I have a son to sell! We are starving, how can we tell you such nonsense? Get out! " My classmate Chen Dou and I were bored and sad to be blown away by the old man.

Back to the commune, I met Luo Quangen, a red-faced secretary. He was very happy to introduce the situation to a group of visitors. He said, "The grain yield per mu of Maqiu Commune has been put on the satellite this year, which is not only higher than any bumper harvest year in history, but also ranks first in Nanchang County ..."

After the secretary left, I told the chef my impression of the secretary.

"Your secretary is in good health and full of energy." I said.

"His body is not great, who is great? ! "The cook looked at me with a sneer and said," He is very busy at work! Eat a Sanfeng soup every three to five. "

"What is Sanfengtang?" I asked.

"It is to cut open a white-haired black-bone chicken, put a pigeon in the chicken's stomach, wrap a sparrow in the pigeon's stomach, then put a ginseng in the sparrow's stomach and steam it with white thread for a few hours before eating." The cook said.

When we were doing an "internship" in the countryside, we suddenly received a notice from the school to go back to school and go back overnight. I remember walking twice in the night. The first time was in the second half of 1958. All my classmates were digging holes in Nanchang Iron and Steel Plant. It was midnight when the earthwork was completed. Back to school, lights flashed along the way, and countless small blast furnaces were spraying flames. This is the era when the whole people "make great efforts with steel and get on the horse with indigenous methods". Although I was very tired, I was in a good mood. I breathe the damp and cold air in the wild, and look at the glittering small blast furnace in the distance, full of fantasy. The motherland that feels poor and backward for the first time will become rich and strong tomorrow and catch up with the most advanced countries in the world tomorrow.

A year later, I went back to school at night, disillusioned, and my mood was very different from last time. There was no moon that night, and the levee built along the gray river extended into endless darkness, with no light in the distance. Walking through the hungry village, I only saw the bare shadows, and I couldn't even hear the dogs barking. I walked alone on the embankment, just like walking on a lifeless planet, feeling unprecedented loneliness and panic.

six

After coming back from the countryside, the campus has also changed. The student's ration was reduced from 36 kg to 32 kg per month, and finally it was only 26 kg. There are no other dishes on the table except red cabbage, and one or two drops of oil flowers are rarely seen in the bowl. Rations are getting less and less, but the students waiting in line to cook in the canteen are carrying more and more rice bowls, and even the slim female students are carrying stupid and thick bowls that are out of proportion to their bodies. Is it because students psychologically think that putting rice in a big bowl will increase the ration?

The students sat together, never talking about studying again, and an illusory smile flashed on their thin and hungry faces, recalling the rich dishes on the table and the rice without quantitative restrictions before 1958. In the morning, students will look at each other and then press each other's foreheads or faces to see if they will sink and lose their elasticity, so as to verify whether they have a terrible edema disease because of hunger.

I remember a classmate said that Teacher Fan had escaped from the days of internship in the countryside because of his poor eyesight. He said: "Van Old Master Q is probably reading his sage book with the door closed at this time. He doesn't know what is happening outside."

The other said, "Even if you tell him, he is indifferent." He will concentrate on reviewing his ancient books. "

For this reason, I tried to visit Mr. Wang. As soon as Mr. Wang saw me, he asked, "There may be a policy problem in the country. The supply of goods in the city is so tight that you can't even buy soap matches. What is the situation in the country? "

I told him about the hunger I saw in the country. He seemed incredulous and asked doubtfully, "Did you see it yourself?"

"I saw it myself." I said.

"Is there a record?"

"yes." I answered.

"Can you show me the record?"

"yes." I replied, and immediately ran back to the dormitory and took two interview notes made by Machu commune to Mr.

I remember once, I saw Mr. Wang from a distance outside the window. He is looking through my notes. Sometimes he takes off his glasses and looks at that page carefully. When I knocked on the door and entered the room, he closed the book, looked at me and said seriously, "Students can listen to the teacher's lectures and read the teacher's works, so it is easy for students to find a suitable teacher;" It is impossible for a teacher to examine students comprehensively, so it is much more difficult for a teacher to find a suitable student than for a student to find a teacher. "

He continued: "I have known you for two years, and I think I know you a little, so I intend to teach you to study ancient literature, hoping that you will become an accomplished scholar in the future." Now that I have read your Ma Chu notes, I have given up this idea and think that you should write about the era in which we live, which is extremely rare. You should observe carefully, describe calmly, accurately and objectively, and never exaggerate. If you do this job well, it will be more important and meaningful than studying and sorting out China ancient literature. "

Only then did I realize that Mr. Fan is not only a diligent scholar, but also an intellectual who cares about the fate of the motherland and the people.

Later, I vaguely heard that the secretary of the Department forced Teacher Fan to change careers and let him teach China modern literature and modern literature. I think this is a practical joke, because Teacher Fan's class is very popular with students, and they don't like it.

1960 In July, Mr. Wang asked the school to contact him and transfer him back to Shanghai because his mother was ill. After being rejected by the school, he resolutely resigned and went home. After losing his job, he made a living by selling rare books and never returned to Jiangda.

seven

After graduating from college, I was assigned to teach at Jingdezhen Ceramic Institute. During the "Cultural Revolution", I often thought of Mr. Fan when I was sitting in the cowshed and writing an inspection. I admire his foresight. If he doesn't resign and drop out of school, he is likely to be sad for the "Cultural Revolution". Later, I heard that even though Mr. Fan was unemployed at home, he was not spared the influence of the Cultural Revolution, and manuscripts and books were robbed. A family of five was forced to live in a small room less than 15 square meters.

After the "Cultural Revolution", I moved back to ceramics museum from scattered rural areas to study ancient ceramics and began to publish research reports. After the downfall of the Gang of Four, I published some influential papers in the magazines of cultural relics, archaeology, literature and history. Teacher Fan has also read these publications and often writes to give guidance and encouragement.

Similar to my fate, Mr. Wang's situation has been greatly improved at this time. The confiscated manuscripts and rich books were returned to him, and Shanghai Literature and History Research Institute hired him as a research librarian.

1983, I published a paper on the date of Jiang Qijitao, which attracted the attention of overseas colleagues and was invited by the Oriental Society of Japan (Asia-North Africa Humanities Association) to give lectures in Tokyo and Kyoto. I visited my husband when I was passing through Shanghai. After the robbery, the teachers and students were very excited.

Mr. Wang smiled and said to me, "I have read all your archaeological articles." What research are you doing now? "

I said, "I want to study the tax related to ceramics in the Song Dynasty by sorting out ancient ceramic documents."

Mr. Wang smiled. He said, "You wanted to learn exegetics when you first went to college. In view of the lack of books in Jiangxi, I advise you not to do this topic. Now, 20 years later, you have made a big turn and returned to the original starting point. It seems how unpredictable people's fate is ... "

"Was it beaten during the Cultural Revolution?" Mr. Wang asked with concern.

"I have been in the cowshed for several years," I replied.

"Why?"

"Not just to explain the trouble caused by simplifying the word' country'. At that time, although the school didn't bother me, the department secretary still stuffed the letter of accusation into my file. " I said, "I have this letter of accusation in my file. Wherever I go, the leaders will look at me with strange eyes, as if there were ghosts behind me. Whenever I engage in sports and pay close attention to class struggle, ghosts will push me to the brink of death. After graduation, although I got married, I didn't dare to have children for a long time, fearing that my wife and children would have an accident ... "

"alas!" The teacher sighed deeply, paused for a moment and asked with concern, "How did your case end later?"

"I can't say." I said: "Although there is a letter of accusation in the file, because of the age, the task force can't find a reference, and I didn't admit any special malice. They couldn't reach a conclusion and dragged it down. "

"Do you still have some records made in the Machu commune?" The teacher asked thoughtfully.

"It's gone." I said, "It's a long story. My records and a bunch of diaries were copied during the Cultural Revolution. Then a friend brought them back to me. Seeing that pile of things, I trembled all over and was out of my wits. At the same time, I feel that the world is vast and big, but I can't find a place to put my dozens of notebooks. I burned them all in extreme fear. "

"What a pity!" Mr. Fan frowned and said, "You didn't continue to record the social scene at that time, and you didn't keep Ma Chu's notes. This is the misfortune of those who study that history; " However, you are engaged in the study of ancient ceramics and ceramic history, but it is a blessing in disguise for you personally! "

I didn't say anything.

eight

After 80s, he often visited abroad and left Shanghai almost every time. Before I arrived in Shanghai, I always wrote to my husband's son, my brother Fan Bangjin. My younger brother Bunkin always tells my father happily that I am coming to Shanghai. As long as my husband knows, he will ask, "Is Liu Xinyuan there?" Later, my busy son didn't tell him the news before I arrived in Shanghai, because he asked too many questions too often.

1993, I came back from Germany and passed by Shanghai. I learned that Mr. He Huijian, a famous American scholar, had written to Bunkin, inviting him to study the rich inscriptions of China in the Nelson Museum in Kansas. At that time, Mrs. Fan died, and her husband was in poor health and almost blind. Bunkin was reluctant to leave his old father and hesitated to go to America. At that time, I was at his house, and my husband said to me, "My body is getting better and better, and my eyesight is gradually recovering. I can take care of myself completely." He paused and solemnly said to me, "You must persuade Bunkin to go to the United States anyway, and never give up the opportunity to study and study in the United States." When we broke up, my husband held my hand tightly and always stressed that he was healthy. I understand that Mr. Wang's so-called "health" is essentially "painstaking" to let his son travel with peace of mind. When I looked back at my husband and saw his thin figure standing on the stairs, waving to me, there was some desolation in the familiar smile on my face, which gave me an ominous premonition!

Soon after I returned to Jingdezhen from Shanghai, I received a phone call from Bunkin saying that his father had died suddenly. I was at the archaeological excavation site at that time, so I didn't attend Mr. Wang's funeral. When I arrived in Shanghai with a little work, Mr. Wang's funeral had been finished. When I met Bunkin, he handed me a hand scroll, saying it was a souvenir left by my father. When I opened it, it turned out to be the manuscript of Dongpo Zhi Lin copied by He Ji Shao, a calligrapher in the Qing Dynasty in his later years. Although it is not stamped, it is more concise and beautiful than the common He word. Obviously, this is Mr. Wang's favorite work of art before his death.

Now Mr. Wang has been dead for 20 years, and 20 13 is his centenary birthday. Shanghai Ancient Books Publishing House has published 1 1 kinds of Yang's poems and notes (many of them have won national awards), more than 300 articles and more than 10 academic papers. But who knows that this book of nearly a million words was written when he was unemployed and had no income. It can be said that this legacy of Jiahui's later studies is a flower blooming in hell.

20 13 in the evening of March 28th.

Gross poynter, Michigan USA