She was one of the first batch of baking studios in our small city, and also went to Guangzhou, Hangzhou and other places to learn baking technology. She is ingenious and hard-working, and soon the studio has accumulated a large number of fans, making her famous in this city.
Whenever she talks about her studio, her eyes will light up and describe the future to us. This small studio carries her life dream.
However, now she tells me: "I have transferred the studio." When the child grows up, she needs someone to study with her. I had to stare at her and say that children only grow up once. I can't miss it! " Although I saw the helplessness and unwillingness in her expression, I was speechless.
If there is such a selection, I think China's parents must be the first to compare which country's parents have no regrets and are willing to sacrifice their lives, careers and even lives for their children.
Makarenko, a famous educator in the former Soviet Union, once said: "Everything is for children, everything is sacrificed for him, even his own happiness. This is the most terrible gift parents give their children. "
This kind of talent can't help children become talents, but it will lead them astray. How many parents think it is good for their children, but it has become a pit that children can't climb out for life.
First, cultivate children to take children as the family center.
There was an old couple in the popular TV series "Anjia". They came to Shanghai from other places and made a living by selling steamed buns, sleeping in the wind and sleeping in the dark. For them, the whole purpose of living is for their son.
They love their son dearly and don't want him to bear a heavy loan burden at a young age, so they try their best to buy a house for their son in full and don't leave any pension money for themselves.
However, the ending in the old couple's mouth is embarrassing. When they arrived at their son's new house with all their belongings, the son turned his parents away.
Their son has long been used to being led by his parents. In his view, everything he got was taken for granted. How can such a child appreciate the hard work of his parents?
Lydia, the heroine of the novel Silent Confessions, inherits her mother's blue eyes and her father's black hair, and also carries her parents' dreams of life. Her father wants her to be a social expert, while her mother firmly believes that she will be an excellent doctor.
She is the center of the whole family universe. Although she has a brother and a sister, her parents only have eyes for her. The news that her brother was admitted to Harvard didn't hit her parents as hard as she failed in the physics exam, while her sister was more like an invisible person.
In fact, she doesn't want to be the center at all. She knows what it means to be the center. Pretend that you have many friends in front of your parents, pretend that you like physical biology, which you can't handle at all, and pretend that you really want to be a doctor.
She tried to do everything well, until that day, her little shoulders could no longer bear the increasing pressure. She drowned in the lake that night when everyone was sleeping.
Second, cultivate children to live only for children.
In the variety "Dear Little Desk", the children asked the tutor: In the eyes of parents, am I the most important? Several other tutors chose "Yes", and only Fu Seoul chose "No".
Fu Hancheng said, I think I hope I am not the most important to them, and you should also hope that you are not the most important to your parents.
In Fu Seoul's view, parents should have more lives of their own, and mothers can go out dressed up. If the child is the most important thing, how can the mother live when the child grows up and leaves her mother?
I have a friend around me, which is a living example.
She was a little weak, so she stopped working after giving birth and became a full-time mother. Over the years, all her life is children, and the focus of every moment is children:
Get up early every morning, prepare breakfast for the children and then send them to school;
Stay at the gate of the children's school every afternoon, waiting to pick up the children from school;
Study with children until late at night every night;
On weekends and holidays, accompany children to various remedial classes;
For the children's teachers, the progress of learning, weak knowledge points ... these, she knows better than the children. Like a top, she is busy around every day. However, when her children went to college in other places, she suddenly lost the motivation to live. No one needs her to cook, pick up and accompany. She seems to have no value in existence, and she is decadent.
The only thing that makes her happy is to call her children, but after a long time, the children are attracted by the colorful life of the university, too lazy to deal with her verbosity, and always don't answer her phone, so that she often complains in the circle of friends that the children are baiwenhang.
Raising children is just a journey in a long life. Even if parents are willing to give everything for their children, don't lose their world. As psychologist Wu Zhihong said, "Everyone is the strongest when he lives for himself."
If you can't love yourself, what can you talk about loving children?
Third, three points of the healthy parent-child model
Many times, we might as well change our thinking and try to create a healthier parent-child relationship model.
1) Accept ordinary children.
Liu Jirong, a writer, has a short essay, The Man Sitting on the Roadside Applauding, which tells the story of her daughter.
There are 50 people in the class, and my daughter always ranks 23rd in every exam. She is a veritable ordinary student. My daughter's grades are average, and she has no special skills. There is nothing to show off for her parents.
Parents have tried to change their children, hire tutors and enroll in remedial classes, and all kinds of methods have been used, but the results are useless.
Although the results are not satisfactory, but the personality is excellent, optimistic and humorous, helpful, trustworthy and easy to get along with. So many students in the class suggested that she be the monitor.
The daughter said that she didn't want to be a hero, just wanted to be a person sitting on the roadside clapping.
If we are healthy, if we are happy, if we don't go against our wishes, why don't we be a kind ordinary person?
2) Give children the right to choose.
Chen Wei was awarded the honorary title of "People's Hero" for his outstanding performance in fighting the COVID-19 epidemic. Not only has she made remarkable achievements in her work, but she is also a wise mother.
Her son, Marnhao, said that she spent little time with her mother in her memory, but she never made excessive demands and fully supported every choice he made.
Therefore, in middle school, he can be the only China middle school student volunteer who helped Africa when the Ebola epidemic was serious; In his senior year, he became a volunteer of the National AIDS Prevention and Control Foundation.
Mother told him: There are only two things to do well in this life. The first thing is to marry the woman you like, and the second thing is to do the business you like.
Under such a stocking policy, Ma Enhao chose a major similar to his mother's, and graduated as a straight A and the best graduate. He said that he would dedicate his youth to the motherland and fight with his mother.
3) Parents never stop growing.
Chen Yuling, 44, benefited from the policy of "one million enrollment expansion" and became a student of Shandong Economic and Trade Vocational College. She goes to school while working. Thanks to her efforts, she ranked first in her professional achievements and won a national scholarship.
Her counselors and teachers not only admire Chen Yuling's seriousness and thirst for knowledge, but also deserve to learn.
In 20 19, Chen Yuling once took the college entrance examination with her daughter, which became her unique life experience. I believe that for her, learning will never end, and she has never given up the possibility of self-growth.
As Tolstoy, a great literary master, said: All education or 99.9% education is attributed to example and to the correctness and perfection of parents' own lives.
When parents strive to make themselves better, you will no longer be just a parent, but also a friend, brother, comrade-in-arms and mentor of your child ... In the future, your child will not only have love from blood, but also have heartfelt respect and tacit understanding of everything.
Most parents in China regard their children as the lifeblood, the extension and continuation of their own lives, and expect their unrealized ideals and glory to be realized in their children.
So our family relationship is chaotic, and everyone revolves around the children. However, a truly healthy relationship should be that dad loves mom, mom loves dad, and mom and dad love their children together, so that children can have a normal growth environment.
Children are the future of the family, but they should never be the center of the family.