At the beginning of pregnancy, I began to supplement various vitamins A, B, C, D, calcium, magnesium, iron, zinc, selenium and DHA, worrying about the baby's growth.
In the third trimester, because the umbilical cord wraps around the neck for two weeks, I count the fetal movements with trepidation every day, and I dare not relax for a moment, for fear that a careless baby will suffocate due to lack of oxygen;
It was hard to wait until the unloading, but Niu Niu's mother, who insisted on giving birth naturally, was cruelly told that she had oligohydramnios and needed to be hospitalized immediately. I am very afraid that I will turn to surgery without hesitation.
In the second month, the baby's eczema was serious, and his face was covered with bags. She cuts herself with her little paws all day. Mother asked about folk remedies and secret recipes, fearing that the doll would be disfigured and could not find a wife in the future.
After about a hundred days, I suddenly stopped breastfeeding and went to the hospital for emergency treatment at midnight. I feel sad at the thought that I may never be able to breastfeed my child again. ......
The doll can eat complementary food at the age of six months, and rack one's brains to make it for him. As a result, people close their eyes, twist their heads and cover their mouths, without considering the hard work for their mothers.
Finally, the baby is almost nine months old, and I never sleep more than five hours. I tried to wean him at night for nearly a month, and it was initially effective. I finally slept for the first time and made a circle of friends with excitement. As a result, I was slapped. I woke up three times the next night, patting my ass, humming and feeding water in turn. Finally stuffed the nipple.
The novice mother is still like this. When you have been an old mother for many years, do you often worry about your children? The child can't afford to get sick with a fever, and he is worried that burning his head will affect his intelligence; Children are naughty everywhere, afraid of endangering society when they grow up; Children are honest, not good at words, and afraid of being bullied in the future; The child did well and was among the best in the second exam. They are worried that they can't stand the blow in the future and the adversity quotient is low; The child has poor grades and is at the bottom of the class. They are worried that they can't get into a good university, find a good job and have no future ... In short, their mother's anxiety index is several orders of magnitude higher than that of ordinary people.
Women are weak, but mothers are strong. Every mother is willing to give everything for her child, and every minute of her child's growth affects her mother's heart. I know I can't worry, but I can't help worrying. However, anxious mothers can't bring up happy children.
Pregnant in October, the moment the baby was born, the first separation between mother and child was completed; Breastfeeding until one or two years old, the moment of weaning is the second separation of mother and child; The moment when a child goes to kindergarten, carries a small schoolbag and walks out of the house is the third separation of mother and child; Finally, the child went to college, worked, got married and gave birth to a baby. With their own small family, mother and son are completely separated. Yin Jianli, the author of A Good Mother Is Better than a Good Teacher, said:
Strong maternal love is not a permanent possession of children, but a decent exit.
Terrible 2, 789, disrespect for dead dogs, rebellious period of youth, which parent does not meet the rebellious period of children? The so-called rebellion is to judge the growth of children from the perspective of adults. First, children continue to develop themselves, and adults have not kept up with their growth; The second is that adults often try to make children obey. When a child has an opinion and is no longer the darling of his parents, adults feel that the child is rebellious. However, without control, how can there be rebellion?
Controlling children is the need of some parents, but it is definitely not the need of children. Is there a child who really likes his every move, big and small, and does it strictly according to his parents' instructions and under their supervision? Children don't like control, and parents often try to control and enjoy the sense of accomplishment in controlling their children. Once they can't even control the small details, they will have a serious sense of insecurity. Happiness is based on freedom, and "being good to me" is not the happiest choice. Parents are pressing hard, which may only make children want to escape.
Many parents tell their children that you will understand our pains when you grow up. Admittedly, if it is, we should try to avoid using this excuse to control children's lives. Because what I value most is the child's happiness, that he can get a sense of belonging in the family, that he can communicate with me actively when he encounters problems, rather than hoping that he is great.
"Baby, do you like your father or your mother better?" I believe that most children have been asked this question countless times by their parents since childhood. Do children love their mothers more or their fathers more? Children are very close to their grandmothers, grandmothers and nannies. Will they stop loving their mother? If it is serious, it will develop into a century-long problem: Your daughter-in-law and I both fell into the water, which one do you save first?
The mother's request for love for her children may be an attempt to establish a parent-child relationship in the family that transcends the relationship between husband and wife. Some mothers have developed a similar relationship with their children, feeling that "nothing is more important than my children" and "my husband is simply unreliable". Such a mother, on the one hand, will often ask for the love of her children, on the other hand, she will seriously control her children. Healthy parent-child relationship should always give way to husband-wife relationship. Because of affection, love and friendship, only love is exclusive. The best love for children is the love of husband and wife. How much love a husband and wife have for each other, how much love a child will feel. How much love he has when he grows up determines how much he can love others.
Children from other families eat this brand of milk powder, buy that brand of toys, sign up for this interest class, travel to that country, attend this early education class, and take an examination of that key school ... Many mothers are often driven by "Niu Wa from another family", follow the footsteps of their "successful" parents, and constantly choose better things for their children, spending time, energy and money, and at the same time gaining more troubles.
When Niu Niu's mother was in her early twenties, she helped the master pick up her daughter from school near the school. At the gate of the primary school, a large group of people surrounded her, no less than the meeting of the first-line stars. Pick up your ears and take a closer look. Wow, that's great. Countless mothers get together and keep sharing all the information about junior high school, which school has started enrolling students, which school has been selected according to a certain cup, and which school has begun to accept children's resumes. All kinds of anxiety, all kinds of helplessness, all kinds of inquiries, for fear that their children will "lose on all kinds of lines." It makes people feel that if there are no four parties to inquire about the news and send their children to the top schools, mom and dad simply don't work hard and are irresponsible. It's a pity that you are so blind and have no opinion.
After having a baby, most mothers' lives have undergone earth-shaking changes, and the focus of 24 hours is on the baby. There is no time for makeup, shopping, fitness, reading and entertainment ... One year has passed, two years have passed, and five years have passed ... The original beautiful girl has become a yellow-faced woman today, leaving only children in her life. She is a good mother, so hard, so serious, so responsible, so "all for the children", so dedicated. But why don't bosses understand themselves, husbands don't understand themselves, and even children don't understand themselves?
Why don't mothers take their attention away from their children, pay attention to their own lives, enrich their life content, increase their fun, occasionally stink, read books and listen to concerts. When you learn to get happiness from the outside of your child, you will find that your child-rearing anxiety will be relieved a lot, and your child will not be disappointed and sad because his mother does not pay full attention to him. On the contrary, children will become more independent, more self-reliant and more capable of facing their own study and life.
"Don't let the children lose at the starting line" is the most unscientific but confusing sentence that puzzles parents in China. However, life is neither a sprint nor a long run, but a marathon. The starting line is meaningless on the long road of children's growth. Parents transfer the anxiety in real life to their children. They are not competitive, backward, have poor grades, have never been to a good university, have not done their work well enough, have not earned enough money and are not successful enough, so they constantly force their children to avoid repeating the same mistakes. I stopped growing up and couldn't see my future, so I pinned all my hopes on my children and passed all the pressure on them.
Parenting yourself, what kind of person do you want your child to be, and what kind of person do you want to be first. Parents who play mobile phones can never teach children who love reading, parents who refuse to learn and grow up, and don't expect their children to learn for life. Instead of hoping that your child will become a phoenix, try to be a growing parent first. Under your eyes and ears, your children will be moved, follow your footsteps and grow up slowly.
Recently, I read the Courage of Being Disliked by Zong Ichiro. After reading this part, I had an epiphany.
Adler advocates the value of equality for all. Adults and children are different in cognition and ability, but no one should be condescending by virtue of their sense of superiority. Parents or psychological counselors can only make comments, and whether to make changes is a matter for the parties concerned. This is the same as taking a horse to the river without forcing it to drink water.
I like the popular Buddhist game Traveling Frog a while ago. Its design hides the truth of parenting. Buddha raises frogs, and Buddha raises babies.
Give children room to grow freely, and their vitality will not be stifled.
We try our best to provide a safe and comfortable environment for our children and set an example to cultivate good living and study habits. Parents should first separate topics, do what they can, silently guard the doll and witness its growth. Leave the rest to time and wait for the flowers to bloom.
Finally, please take your time, let go of your anxiety and be a happy stepmother.
Don't worry, the dolls will grow up!