There are some different definitions of scum here, one is playboy and irresponsible scum, the other is personality disorder and even violent tendency, which may bring you a lot of trouble.
So in love, how do you identify love rat and stay away from relationships that may get you into trouble?
According to the manuscript of love rat, the third episode of Round Table School, we summarized some characteristics of love rat.
After reading the article, you can leave a message and tell us what your definition of love rat is. You can also click to read the original text and watch the full program.
Love rat: How to recognize love rat at a glance?
Round Table 3 | Episode 3
Distinguished guests:, Jiang,,.
1.
Time is the best touchstone to test love rat.
Wendu Tao: Today, I would like to warmly welcome my criminology teacher, Professor Li Meijin from China Public Security University. She is not only a criminal psychology teacher, but also a famous painter. She has a unique skill called criminal psychological portrait.
Li Meijin: Professor of People's Public Security University of China, expert in criminal psychology.
Today, we will invite this teacher Li. I think her academics can be used to guide your life, guide you to fall in love, and guide you to identify love rat.
You know, now on the Internet, many girls just say: Why do I always meet love rat? Ark, what do you think, love rat?
Jiang: I think there are actually two kinds of love rat. One is the scum caused by his inner weakness. For example, the perfect treatment in Tokyo love story is that he likes everyone, and then he is embarrassed to tell another person to break up with her.
He, like Zhang Wuji, is embarrassed to refuse them both, so he is actually a scum caused by inner weakness.
Let's call it cheating. He is good at this and that, but it doesn't mean that he cheated on purpose. He didn't want to say goodbye, and he was embarrassed to say that I didn't love you.
I think this is a kind of scum with weak heart. He is both a criminal and a victim, and his scum is also very sad.
I think there is another kind of scum that is routine. Isn't there a class now? I'll teach you how to pick up girls, how to pick up girls. There are routines. After I got it, I dumped you, and there was no fluctuation in my heart.
Wendu: But I heard you say that this love rat belongs to the category of good citizens in my mind. I have a question in my mind. Who is love rat? It's Chen Shifeng in the Jiangge case that was pronounced a while ago, that kind of scum.
Jiang: But I just don't think he is a scum in the usual sense. He is actually a persistent person.
Look at his many short messages. Without the last step, many girls may think that he is quite sweet, or that he is quite spoony. He is infatuated and persistent. He has to get it back. He has to do something. I don't think he is the same as the scum we usually know. He is a sociopath.
Wendu Tao: You know, we have different concepts. You see, when I heard them talking about love rat, they started to react in my mind, just like Chen Shifeng.
Li Meijin: It also includes the wife-killing case in Shanghai (Zhu Xiaodong).
Wen Dutao: I sometimes worry about some girls around me, that is, some men can't see anything in prosperity, but they are all fine, that is, they can't persist in breaking up, that is, as soon as you break up with him, all these perverts come out, follow, follow, and even tear your window open. This is the most extreme crime.
So how do we identify this kind of love rat?
Li Meijin: Is there anything wrong with this personality problem? Like my generation, the people we talked about there didn't know about it and got married within six months.
Ma Weidou: Yes.
Li Meijin: Why? That is to say, we have to discuss it for at least two years.
Ma Weidou: I haven't held hands for half a year.
Li Meijin: Actually, time is the best touchstone to test love rat.
Wendu Tao: Yes, that's why Miss Li just said that we should talk about this love slowly.
Li Meijin: This is a problem. Another point is that once these two people have sex, they are equivalent to some men. In other words, animals have a nature that they are particularly excited at the sight of blood.
Wendu Tao: Animal instinct.
Li Meijin: I still think this old saying is correct. If you are not sure, don't sleep with men easily, which is very troublesome.
Jiang: I don't think it's completely impossible to judge. I have met people with this personality, and I think it is a feature that they are out of control, speeding, or retrograde.
They may have crossed some boundaries, or they are out of control, stubborn and unaware of it. He may apologize to you afterwards and say, I'm sorry, what just happened to me, but they didn't realize it when they did these things. I think this kind of person is very, very dangerous.
2.
Without reflection, there is no superego.
Li Meijin: Actually, in social life, it is very important for people to adjust themselves according to each other.
Generally speaking, the development of personality has three stages. The first is the id, that is, do whatever you want, the principle of happiness.
The second stage is called self. What does this ego mean? It depends on the external situation, so it is called the principle of reality.
Some people, who grew up at home, didn't give him some norms well. Generally, this situation is often coquetry. After being spoiled, he felt that if I wanted to do it, I must do it. I don't care. I won't stop until I get what I want.
Wendu said, what does he mean? This girl can't go back
Jiang: He can't see anything else.
Li Meijin: He thinks it means that you are sorry for me, so why do you treat me like this? So he has no ego at all in this process, so this kind of person will not have the third stage: superego, that is, the kind without self-conscience.
Jiang: He won't surpass himself.
Li Meijin: Yes. In fact, I said that the most complicated or highest level of psychology is reflection. What is reflection?
Our thinking, such as learning thinking, is positive, from simple to complex, and then deeper.
Our thinking of solving problems is just the opposite. For example, when a doctor sees a patient, he knows the result, and then he knows how you got sick, so he can cure you, right?
There is another kind of thinking, which is 360 degrees. In other words, when we look at the back of our head, we can't see it, so we must use two mirrors.
Then reflection is also based on two points. One is that he must have the ability of abstract thinking, so that he can reproduce a thing in his mind.
The second is that he must have an internalized standard, which he gradually accepted during his growth. What can and cannot be done is called conscience.
If he doesn't internalize this thing, this person has no standard of reflection at all, that is to say, this third situation is often encountered by many psychological strangers.
Ma Weidou: But there are many such people.
Li Meijin: Yes, because he doesn't know, so sometimes, when we meet some people with psychological problems and ask us for advice, you just need to see how this person behaves. If he wanted to talk about it, I thought I was a little wrong, but at that time, I thought his reaction was a little excessive. ...
If he uses "you" and "I" at the same time, this person is more normal.
If he comes up, he will say, what about me, what about me, he is talking about me all the time. You will know that this person has not reflected. Why? All he said was feelings.
3.
Borderline personality and passive aggressive personality
Li Meijin: What are the characteristics of people with extreme personalities? There are actually two kinds of people. We usually talk about personality problems. There are more than ten kinds of people with abnormal personality, and two of them belong to this extreme personality.
One is called borderline personality, and this Chen Shifeng belongs to borderline personality. What are the characteristics of borderline personality? He is particularly good when he is good, and particularly urgent when he is in a hurry, thus crossing both sides of a border. This is called borderline personality, also called explosive personality.
There is also a more troublesome passive aggressive personality. The passive aggressive personality is characterized by his depression. In front of people, he actually hates you, but he wants to smile at you. He doesn't really want to talk to you, but he is afraid that we will be together and have nothing to say. Speak hard. Is that his performance is completely inconsistent with his heart.
Wendu Tao: It's limping.
Li Meijin: Yes, he is clumsy. This kind of person, he, don't look at him. He has nothing on the surface. In fact, he has accumulated a lot of things in his heart. Whenever he is unhappy, he will turn against you.
The characteristic of such people is that they dare not face to face. He usually gives you a weak and passive personality, so both of them belong to the process of falling in love, so you should be especially careful.
4.
A person without emotional ability
Jiang: I think I'm actually afraid of meeting two kinds of people in love. First, I am persistent. For example, if he calls and you don't answer, you may send a text message saying that I am busy or something, but he keeps calling.
Ma Weidou: Yes, such people are very annoying.
Jiang: When you love him, you may feel that he still cares about me and even shows off to your best friend. Look how much he cares about me. But in fact, I mean, he is persistent, and he must achieve his goal.
Jiang: I think I'm also afraid of a person who has no emotional ability. He can't imagine the pain of others.
He may be very mature and steady, or some girls may think that he can handle everything, or he is very calm in everything, but he actually has no emotional ability, which I am also afraid of.
5.
We over-beautified the act of showing love.
Jiang: I think, at present, to some extent, we over-beautify the public's behavior of showing love.
For example, put a big one under the dormitory ... In fact, your courtship is a private act, but you make it public, including sunbathing on social networks and showing your love. You have to show it, because everyone Dou Xiu, you have to show it.
You turned personal behavior into public behavior. Your self-esteem is frustrated in itself, and then you become depressed because of your vanity. From this perspective, you are a ridiculous person.
So if you keep your love and relationship in a private field, in fact, I think the trauma you have suffered can also be controlled. Yes, actually, I think this thing is very important.
Wendu Tao: Really, I don't understand this either. Of course, because I am a man, I sometimes tell this girl that this is the most touching thing that this girl said. In front of thousands of people, a man will (confess)
Jiang: It's terrible that someone can do such a thing. I think he is much more vain.
Wendu: I really don't understand. In other words, if I were a woman, I wouldn't ask him for such a man. I said you humiliated me, and you made the whole school do it. Of course, I don't understand. Maybe girls are the most moved. I always feel ashamed.
Li Meijin: There are few such girls. I don't think any of us will do that.
Jiang: But now I think people will beautify this behavior.
If the courtship fails, it will not only be hurt by the other party, but also be humiliated by the whole society. I think the blow to people will be even heavier.
Wendu said, then don't look. You said that one thing in this western culture is that marriage and love are very private things. You don't even advocate chatting with people and asking them about it. I think this is reasonable.
What can you do? You can't get involved. Have you lost face in front of society? This is between you two.
In addition, I think some people have seen such a thing when I was in college. You see, many boys have cigarette burns on their hands today, do you know?
At that time, our school was very famous, that is to say, just find a girl and I'll woo you. Will you be good to me? If you treat me badly, this cigarette end will be crushed. You said you promised me, you promised me, you said this. ...
Li Meijin: In the past, asking for debts was the same. If you pay me or not, I'll chop off one finger, or I'll chop off the other.
Wendu Tao: Miss Li, do you think it is possible for these people to develop extreme behavior in the future?
Li Meijin: There must be such people. I think we should stay away from him. I think that is, he has broken the bottom line.
Ma Weidou: Chopping fingers is more powerful than stubbing out cigarette butts. Nowadays, there are many boys who burn cigarette butts, because he thinks they will be burned as soon as they burn them.
Tao: If you don't tell me, I really appreciate Master Ma. He is a person in the game world and a little optimistic.
I now feel that our society is just too successful.
I am not a Buddhist or a Buddhist, but I always feel that there are some things in this Buddhism that are good advice.
You see, we have succeeded in learning, taught us since childhood, never gave up, and must persist. Persistence is a commendatory term in success, but it is not a good word in Buddhism.
You see, old monks often tell people not to be persistent, not to be too persistent, so I think we should grasp a degree.
If you educate children to die unsatisfied, I think they may be confused about what to die unsatisfied.
Ma Weidou: Of course, our education is called where there is a will, there is a way. We have been educated in this way since childhood, so it is particularly easy to go astray.
Li Meijin: Actually, I think it's very important to fall in love, which is also here. Give a man a piece of advice. Sometimes, when you play hard to get, you scare the other person.
You really like each other. You have to show some of your strengths first, then keep your distance, then show some of your strengths and keep your distance, and then slowly pull this line to let this woman move her slowly. You can't push too hard.
Ma Weidou: Fishing, fishing is like this. Yes, you must walk. That is, you can't walk the fish after it is hooked. The bigger the fish, the less you can walk it. You have to walk. It is so boring.
Li Meijin: If you are tired of walking, bring it up again.
Jiang: Routine (laughs)
Li Meijin: Besides, I'd like to make a suggestion. If you really love each other, you should make them feel comfortable. You shouldn't make them feel forced or wronged.
Who knows the requirements for entering Chongqing Medical University?
In 2009, Chongqing Medical University enrolled students majoring in literatur