"Twenty-one-year-old, junior, once owed 100,000 debts." Ah Xuan smiled at me and said.

His flat tone gave me the impression that he was not talking about a debt of 100 thousand, but that he had just gone downstairs to eat a scallion cake.

"Who owe? Borrowing to start a business? I haven't heard that you started a business. " I asked in surprise.

"Campus loans are owed by relatives and friends, but mainly campus loans. Start a business? Oh, create what business? Isn't there a saying that my boyfriend wants to start a business in his last life? I don't do things with high failure rate. "

"Then how do you owe? Still a hundred thousand. "

"I said fall in love owe human feelings, do you believe it? Haha, don't look at me like that, just kidding. " A Xuan looked around the bar where we were, then turned to me and said, "I bet."

I can't believe what he said. How can gambling have anything to do with this sven man with glasses? This is totally inconsistent with my cognition.

A Xuan and I are high school classmates. He used to be my best friend. Although he went to 985 University after the college entrance examination, I only read a second-rate university. But we have never broken contact, and our relationship has always been very close.

So I can't believe that he who has been working hard and determined to go into politics will get into the bad habit of gambling.

"In fact, I started to contact campus loans, not for gambling. Once my life had nothing to do with gambling, but I still became a college student who was forced to stand on my own feet by campus loans. " Axin self-deprecating said

"Then how did that happen? Someone forced you? "

He listened to my words and sneered, "Why do people force you to borrow money?" After that, he took a sip of the beer on the table and talked about his own affairs.

02

Nineteen years old, in Beijing, the capital, I first knew that a cup of coffee costs tens of dollars, and it was also the first time that I knew what life was.

Before I was nineteen years old, I only knew how to study. I only knew that the college entrance examination was my only way out, so I studied hard.

In order to get into a good university, I have never been to an Internet cafe, KTV, or a reunion before the college entrance examination. Some people say that I am cold and difficult to get along with, but I don't care.

The children in their city don't know how hard it takes for a rural student admitted to this noble middle school for free to receive the same education at the same starting line as them.

I still remember that after the college entrance examination results came out, my mother and I cried bitterly. The holiday after the college entrance examination was the most brilliant moment in my life, congratulations from friends and relatives, and relief in my parents' eyes. It seemed like yesterday.

Finally, I can go to Beijing where countless people dream of blooming.

During the holiday, I dreamed that I appeared on the university campus more than once. In the future, I will continue to be proud of my parents and myself. That's what I was thinking.

03

After coming to Beijing, I entered the university I wanted, and I started my college life.

I used to be favored by heaven. I can hardly count. I have always been particularly good at school. In the eyes of others, I am a good boy of my parents, a good student of my teacher and a good example of my classmates. But when I got to college, I found that I was nothing. I was just an ordinary college student.

Compared with the results of the college entrance examination, I am not the best, just average. Compared with personal ability, my classmates have published books in high school, some speak English as fluently as their mother tongue, and are proficient in everything ... compared with family conditions, forget it, this is still not much better.

However, after the initial loss, I quickly adjusted my mentality. So what if parents are awesome? Yes, you are a rich second generation, an official second generation, from an elite family, but I believe I will not be worse than you in the future. I believe I can live the same life as you by my own efforts. Isn't it that I have struggled for more than ten years to be qualified to sit down and have coffee with you? I don't care.

Regarding poverty, I don't know who said, "When I am carefree, poverty is only the difference between eating steamed bread and steak at night, and it doesn't hurt my happiness. But when I fell in love with someone, I deeply felt the impact of poverty. "

I used to think this passage was well written, but from the moment I fell in love with the rapper, I realized its weight.

04

I met her, fell in love with her, pursued her and ended up with her. My story with Rao is the same as the love of all boys and girls.

After our first date, we went back to the dormitory and found that we spent more than 400 yuan. We did nothing but eat, watch movies and drink coffee.

I don't care about money ... well, actually, I do care a little. After all, that's one third of my living expenses. However, with Xiaoman, I am willing to spend money, willingly.

However, as we spent more and more time together, I found that lack of money limited our love.

During college, we agreed to go to Lijiang to watch Jay Chou's concert. ...

But because there is no money, many plans can only be postponed.

Xiaoman's family is fairly well-off. Her parents are both small civil servants, and their living expenses are more than mine, but they are also very limited. Besides, I'm a little male chauvinist. I don't like being with girls and making them spend money.

I don't like it, and I have no money. I have to find a way to make money.

I have done online bookkeeping, delivery and promotion ... but I found that all of these can't make money, only a few tens of dollars a day, and sometimes the class time conflicts with part-time jobs, so I can't go yet.

Just then, a friend of mine told me that he was buying balls and making a lot of money.

05

I like the NBA, and I am a fan of the Warriors.

My friend told me that he bought the NBA, which means winning or losing an NBA game. I thought it was simple, but I didn't care too much. I didn't even click on the URL link he sent me.

However, after a while, I often saw him taking screenshots in the circle of friends and saying how much money he earned. With the mentality of seeing what was going on, I dug out the chat record and clicked on the link he sent me.

If I could go back in time, I would tell myself not to click this link. Unfortunately, there is no if. At that time, I looked curious and opened Pandora's box.

When I entered the website, I saw all kinds of events, such as basketball, football, table tennis, tennis, e-sports and badminton ... everything, and the fluctuation of various odds. It gives me a headache and I don't know how to play.

But I am a strong learner, if nothing else.

I first added groups related to football lottery and basketball lottery, and then paid attention to the sports sections of post bars, forums and major websites to collect all relevant information. Then, I rushed 100 yuan to this gambling sites.

I think it's only one hundred dollars. Forget it if you lose. If this website is fake, buy a lesson.

Unfortunately, I didn't lose.

One Friday night, in just a few hours, I won 2000 yuan, and I was soft on rice. (A Xuan explained that collecting rice is what gamblers call winning money) At that time, I couldn't believe how easy it was to make money. But I'm cautious. I'm afraid this website is a black net, and I can't get my money back even if I win. So I cashed all the money I won.

Five minutes later, I received a message from the bank, and there was another two thousand dollars in my account. Looking at this bank information, I immediately picked up the bank card, rushed out of the dormitory, ran to the bank, entered the password with trembling hands, and then looked at the balance displayed on the interface.

It's true, in fact, it's true. I only earned two thousand dollars in three hours!

For the first time in my life, I began to think, if we can get something for nothing, then why should we work hard?

06

Earning two thousand dollars makes me happy, but it also makes me feel embarrassed. I'm sorry, this two thousand dollars is said to be more or less. Enough for me to squander for a month, but I can't let Xiaoman and I fly away and realize our ideals together.

So, after the initial excitement passed, I got into trouble instead. What should I do with this two thousand yuan?

Finally, I figured it out that the money won by gambling is my own only if I use it. If you can't walk far, buy something and hold it in your hand first.

After that, I placed an order online, bought Xiaoman a necklace that I had collected in my shopping cart before, and bought myself some books. Then at first glance, there are hundreds of dollars left in the account.

I think these hundreds of dollars are all won, so it is better to play two more. If I win, so much the better. If I lose, I also earn a necklace and some books. A sure-fire deal.

But maybe I was too relaxed. In a short time, my account lost several hundred dollars. I looked at the zero balance in my account and was very frustrated. Then I clicked on the website of necklace order, hesitated for a long time, and I still clicked on it to apply for a refund.

I got a refund of more than 1000 yuan, and I returned to the battlefield. In a short time, I not only won back the hundreds of dollars I lost before, but also turned the more than 1000 dollars into 3000.

07

Winning money makes me conceited. I thought I found a way to make money. I thought that with my score of more than 600 points in the college entrance examination, I would not be as addicted as those gamblers. I told myself that I could control my desire and bet rationally.

But it turns out that I was wrong. No one is rational in a casino. If you lose your eyes, I don't care about your game or your gambling plan. I don't care as long as you can play.

Then there was a competition, so I bought it. When there is no competition, I visit major websites and watch the next competition.

I didn't know what to do when I won the money. I just saved it, and I want to save it to travel with Xiaoman. But when I lost money, I wanted to break it, and at the same time I began to lend money to my friends to gamble.

But many classmates and friends are also college students, and their own consumption is already very high, and there is not much money to lend me. This borrowed 500 yuan and that borrowed 1000. Slowly, two months later, I borrowed almost all my friends.

I began to lie to my family, telling myself that I had to learn a driver's license, change my computer and pay such and such fees. ...

My parents will give me as much as I want every time. Even though I know that it is difficult for our family to take out the money, my parents have never refused me and never doubted it.

What a pity. I'm sorry for their trust. Their son became a gambling dog.

Later, from my parents, I didn't know why I had been cheating, and I couldn't bear to hear their voices.

I turned my attention to campus loans.

08

I know that if the campus loan is not repaid, the consequences will be very serious. But I thought, how can I not pay? If you win money, just pay it back quickly.

My sesame credit score is very high, so I easily got the consumption quota of many microfinance companies from the beginning.

But this is still not enough. I can only withdraw more than 1000 from one software, which is too little.

I started to sign face-to-face contracts with microfinance companies.

Face-to-face signing, basically each software has a quota of around 8,000, and eight or nine softwares have a quota of 60,000 to 70,000.

However, these quotas seem to be many, but in fact only half of them can be withdrawn. The other half is the consumption quota, which can't be mentioned, just like spending money.

I began to withdraw money from these softwares frequently. If I lose, I will withdraw. If I win, I will return it as soon as possible. So I borrowed it countless times and paid it back countless times.

On the other hand, gambling makes me exhausted every day. Winning is bliss, and losing is extremely bitter. When you win money, you will smile. Everyone looks like Rao Shi Man, and you can't wait to go up and kiss him. Losing money is extremely painful, and you will get angry at the slightest thing.

So I gambled for several months, and one day I gambled all night. When I get up in the morning, I look at myself in the mirror, pale and sunken, like a ghost.

But I never thought about quitting gambling. I just think I should make a fitness plan.

Because I know I can't quit. Almost half a year. Every time I lose all my money, I want to quit. But in a couple of days, I remembered the money I owed and the ideal of Xiaoman and I, so I couldn't help but start gambling.

Oh, for the ideal, for Xiaoman. I comforted myself by gambling again and again.

Just like the old white in Breaking Bad, he just started making drugs, so he can lie to himself for the sake of a better life for his family.

But as time goes on, I gradually understand that all this is desire, all for myself.

Just, I can't quit, and I can't even think about it.

09

One year later in the summer, I watched the live broadcast on the football field with my mobile phone.

I just bought a game, which is the biggest bet I have made since I gambled, totaling 8 thousand.

At this time, Xiaoman called.

My relationship with Xiaoman has been in trouble for several years because of gambling this year. Although I have never told her about my gambling, my personality has changed a lot because of gambling. It is common to perfunctory with her.

But anyway, I really love her. I never asked her for a penny when I gambled like crazy. Should I pay for going out to play, or should I pay? I haven't forgotten all kinds of holiday gifts, no matter how poor I am.

However, there is still an inevitable gap between us. I didn't care enough about her, and even excluded her. When I am with her, I just want to finish it quickly and go back to the dormitory to play with my mobile phone.

I know in my heart that I am irresponsible, but I just think that when I make money, I will compensate her ten times and treat her well.

"Let's break up." I can't believe the voice on the phone. I wonder if I have been gambling all day and heard some voices.

I asked uncertainly again, "What did you say, dear? I didn't hear you clearly. "

"I said, a xuan, let's break up. I've been thinking about it for a long time. Sorry, I'm so tired. I have to go. " The little man said calmly, I don't know how desperate she is behind her calmness.

The mobile phone slipped out of my hand. I don't know if it's because my hands are a little numb after gambling on the lawn all day, or it's too shocking as written in the novel.

By the time I picked up the phone, it was already dead. I want to run to find her at once, but I think, forget it, the game is almost over. Look at this for a few minutes before you go. Nothing can be delayed.

I endured my grief and continued to watch the live broadcast, and then I lost the game.

I wiped the screen of my mobile phone over and over again, hoping that the score of the game would change.

However, nothing has changed, nothing.

I'm devastated. I am like a mad dog. I hit my head on the lawn and made an inhuman sound while doing it.

Why? Why can't I win? Why do I always lose? Why did I become a gambling dog?

I asked myself again and again, but I couldn't find the answer.

After venting their emotions, they frightened several couples around them. I ran downstairs to find Raoshman, trying to call her. But looking at myself on the screen of my mobile phone, I finally didn't call.

Who am I to give her happiness by betting on dogs? Let her suffer with me and ruin with my family in the future? Ask yourself, Zhao Yuxuan, you have no right to love her at all.

I left her dormitory and never contacted her again.

Going back to the dormitory and looking at myself in the mirror for ten minutes, I decided to give myself another chance to quit gambling.

I thought with a straight face that if I couldn't quit this time, I would commit suicide.

It's just that my parents suffered and raised a son like me. However, could this be fate?

10

In the evening, I began to sort out my debts and found that I owed nearly 100 thousand. How can I return it? How to make money? I don't know. On second thought, it seems that you can only pay off your debts if you keep gambling. At the thought of gambling, I couldn't help slapping myself hard and then fell asleep.

The next day, I told myself that a new life had begun.

I worked out a debt repayment plan carefully and sorted out all the available resources in my hand. I decided to turn over a new leaf.

Fortunately, although I have a lot of campus loans, none of them are overdue, and there is no negative record in my personal credit report. As for the money owed to my friends and classmates, I called them one by one to apologize and told them that they might not be able to pay the money recently.

Because I used to lend money to my friends for all kinds of normal reasons, no one knew I was gambling and everyone thought I was really in trouble. I decided to pay back the money I owe them slowly and pay more when I pay it back. People should learn to be grateful.

Gambling, I lost a lot of things, so I can only try to live for a long time to come.

However, I also learned a lot of things I didn't know before.

People don't take detours and don't know the terrible detours. I don't know I'm a demon until I go to hell.

1 1

After hearing A Xuan's calm and emotional narrative, I took the beer trembling and poured him a glass.

As I poured the wine, I asked, "How much do I owe now?"

"More than 80,000."

"What are you going to do?"

"Take your time. I have some ideas, but I am still planning. "

"I can lend you thousands."

"No, porch, I'm not here to borrow money from you. I just want to talk to someone. " A Xuan said with a little excitement

I was silent and didn't know what to say.

I heard him say, "The road ahead will be very difficult. But I think, maybe all the suffering and filth I have experienced before and after is not as good as one tenth of the pain caused by losing her. "

I looked at Ah Xuan, and the dim light made me unable to see his expression clearly.

I ordered another case of wine, and we didn't talk after that.

For a long time, I just thought the sound of this bar was a little noisy.

I will never come to this bar again.

(End)