Choose humorous words to comfort girls: 1) I remember that once my mobile phone died, I put my card in my mother's mobile phone to play, and then the phone called. When I saw my little sister (actually, it was my girlfriend, so I changed it to avoid the parents' inspection), I answered it. Before she could speak, I made all kinds of sweet words, and then a familiar voice came from the mobile phone: Are you taking the wrong medicine? I am your fourth aunt! And then ... I was stunned. Later, I learned that the note on my mother's mobile phone was also Miss Sister's ... label Siyi, killing me on behalf of Yue.
2) The biggest tragedy of myopia is that you can't see clearly when you cut your hair. Put on your glasses after cutting, silently scold the grass, and then calmly tell the buddy who cut your hair that it's okay.
3) I was hungry last night and wanted to cook some rice porridge. Because the dormitory is small, the rice cooker can only be cooked on the ground, and the porridge maker knows how much porridge will overflow, so at noon the next day, MM came to the dormitory to wake me up. When she opened the door, she saw a white sticky thing on the ground, her eyes filled with tears, and suddenly she jumped up and hugged me tightly, sobbing: I decided to sleep with you tonight, and we won't have SY again! ! ! ?
4) How difficult it is to buy a train ticket in the rush hour in Spring Festival travel rush, and how difficult it is to find a virgin in that place! (Sina)
5) I just passed a primary school computer room and suddenly found a piece of paper posted on their window, which read: Prevent Mars from flying into the room!
6) I have a little sister at home, only 2 years younger than me. One night, she looked at me with bitterness and said, Sister, am I hungry? Devoted to playing computer, I put my arm in front of her and said, I'll eat when I'm hungry. She looked at me more bitterly for three seconds, and said simply, haven't you eaten such a fat thing for a long time? Fat things? Fat?
7) I bought water and two bottles of mineral water with a buddy in a small supermarket and paid a hundred-dollar bill. My little sister was looking for money in the supermarket when a uniformed police uncle came in to buy something. My buddy suddenly said to her arrogantly? Pay the protection fee quickly. Why are you stalling? Then he quickly left with the recovered 96 yuan money in front of the police uncle, leaving his uncle messy in the wind.
8) Motorcyclists had better take an extra key when they go out! I met a buddy today! Waiting for the traffic lights at the intersection, the police pulled out the key! As a result, this guy took out another key while the police were not looking, and drove away!
9) Playing poker with a group of high school students during the holiday, the first high school student lost. According to our rules in advance, he asked his mother seriously when he got home. Mom, am I born of a pig? His mother chased him all day with a rolling pin (realistic)
10) For a long time, the biggest obstacle to the merger of Nanjing University and Southeast University is the naming problem after the merger. Nanda insisted on getting into Nanjing University? Jing? And Southeast University? South? Words, names? Nanjing University? ; And Dongda asked for it? East? Word and NTU? South? Word, called Southeast University. The two sides failed to reach an agreement for a long time, and finally the Ministry of Education came forward and put the Southeast University? East? Word and Nanjing University? Jing? Word, called Tokyo University! (Memoirs of a Geisha)
1) The Buddhist scripture hall in Shaolin Temple caught fire and destroyed many scriptures. The abbot couldn't help crying. The young monk didn't know why the abbot was crying, so he asked. Why does the abbot have to suffer? Why does the abbot keep crying? I have dysmenorrhea! ! ! ?
2) The following story is true: a buddy in the office left without finishing work. When the manager comes back, call him angrily. Scold him as soon as the phone is connected, then pause for three seconds and yell at the phone? You know I have the wrong number, but you still answer it? ! ? -I don't know which buddy on the other end of the phone is so unlucky.
The couple are talking about the romance of the Three Kingdoms. The wife said: Cao Cao led an army of 8 10000?
4) When the husband heard this, he immediately corrected and said: No, he is an army of 80,000 to 30,000. ? The wife said: it is 8 1 10,000. ? Husband said: it is 830,000. ? They couldn't argue, so they just went to get the book. The husband went to the kang to get a book, stepped on the sleeping child on the bed and the child began to cry. The wife said, damn it, I trampled the baby to death! ? My husband said impatiently:? Twenty thousand people ask you to say no, and you still care about this one and a half. ?
5) In the evening, my husband told me that he bought a lottery ticket of 1000. I said discontentedly that he lost his home, and my husband said with a smile: The fortune teller said two days ago that I was lucky these days, and I will definitely win the grand prize this time. ? After that, he sat on the sofa, sipping tea leisurely and talking to himself. After winning 5 million, buy a four-bedroom apartment first, and then replace all the home appliances with new ones. Also, who will make us rich by buying high-end fashion and cosmetics for our wives? ? I went to fill the rice bowl with a wry smile, and accidentally, my rice bowl fell to the ground and broke. At this moment, I heard my husband shout: Don't throw things in a hurry, we haven't won the lottery yet. ?
6) father:? Whenever a guest comes, I ask you to take a cigarette, and you have to listen to me whether you take it or not. ? Son:? I don't know what you mean. ? Father:? That is to say, when guests come, I say? Do you have a cigarette? , you really took it; I said? Do you have a cigarette? Don't leave and come back. ?
7) My 4-year-old son did something wrong and cried for a long time after I scolded him. I couldn't persuade him, so I ignored him. After a while, I stopped crying. I asked him angrily, why don't you stop crying? My son's words made me laugh: I have a rest!
8) It's cold. My husband was looking for a sweater, and my wife said, I washed it and gave it to my brother. ? The husband looked for wool pants again, and the wife said, I washed it. It's small. Did you give it to my brother? . Husband is angry: I will give it to your sister after washing! ?
9) A farmer brother went to the car sales center, took out 2000 RMB and slapped it on the table. Give me a Santana. ? The clerk was shocked: you don't have enough money! ? Farmer brothers don't understand: Isn't Santana 2000 written outside? The salesperson said with a smile. Brother, go out and turn right. That company's Mercedes is only 600! ?
10) There is a sign on the lawn of the park that says:? No trampling on the lawn, offenders will be fined one yuan. ? A frequent visitor in the park found that the fine written on the sign was less than before, so he asked the service staff in the park: Why is the fine reduced? Didn't you have to pay a fine of five yuan before?
1 1) One day, the male mouse saw the female mouse get into the weeds. After a while, a hedgehog came out. The male mouse grabbed it and said, you also said there was no affair. Who bought you a fur coat?
12) One day, a drunken doctor wrote on a patient's medical record card: "Anal words (inflammation)" The attending doctor took a look and wrote: "Anal words-nonsense!"
13) The doctor said to the nurse: Ask the name of the injured lady so as to inform her family. ? The nurse came back later and said, the patient said, no, my family knows my name. ,?
14) the doctor said to a man who came to see a doctor because of sexually transmitted diseases: Take off your pants and raise them a little higher. ? The man agreed, looking embarrassed, and asked? Can you give me a sexy photo of a beautiful woman?
15) Playing the fool, well done is called deep still water; Well done, it is called deep.
16) What is romance? Send her 99 roses when you know she doesn't like you. What is waste? Just know that she likes you and send her 99 roses.
17) Freedom is not doing what you want to do, but not doing what you don't want to do.
18) The management department raided the dormitory to see if there were any illegal appliances. Poor two of my friends were scared out of their wits. One of them quickly put away the electric stove and hid in the mosquito net. The other entered the door and came in with hot milk cooked on the stove. When he turned on the light, no one was there. He was about to leave. Suddenly, a brother in the mosquito net was scalded by the milk cup, which suddenly knocked over the cup and made a terrible scream.
19) A butcher who just became a father said angrily. ? This is crazy. Plus the obstetrician's consultation fee, hospitalization fee and nursing fee, the child actually wants 800 yuan 1 kg.
20) It is said that Qu Yuan came to the river to escape the creditor's debt collection, thinking about his home that had just been messed up by the creditor, and said, Rummanman Kisshyu is far away from Xi, so I'll search it up and down. It's so long and far to go home that even the house can't be repaired. I'd better salvage it into the river in case I go hungry tonight.
2 1) If you think you are mediocre, you are mediocre. Don't ask us, we refuse to answer.
22) Don't grow a beard. You are more charming than before. The reason why women are afraid of getting married is that after marriage, a man suddenly becomes a savage, and you have to get along with him day and night.
23) In our university of science and engineering, there are few girls. So on a desk, a girl wrote:? I am ugly, but I am sexy. ? A boy saw it and answered angrily:? Yes, bitches in supermarkets are generally in demand. ? Good metaphor.
24) passenger:? Comrade driver, here we are. How much is the fare? 12 yuan. ? Passenger:? Sorry, I only have 10 yuan with me. Please step back. ?
25) An obstetrician and gynecologist started his own business. On his first day home, his wife asked him, How was your day? The doctor replied. It's not too bad. Although neither the mother nor the baby was saved, the baby's father was finally saved. ?
26) The fat man asked the doctor:? Doctor, what is the most effective way to lose weight? Shake your head. Shake your head? What time? When someone invites you to dinner. ?
27) The daughter found out that her mother asked her boyfriend for it? Bridal gift? I didn't understand, so I asked, Mom, we are still in love. Why do we need so much money in the first place? Silly girl, can I go to the department store without paying first?
28) A boy went to the girls' dormitory to visit his girlfriend, and the dormitory doorman asked him to fill out a visitor list, which contained his name, gender, address, age, ... and should be filled in the last column. Relationship? At that time, the boy thought for a long time before writing it down? It hasn't happened yet? Four words
29) I got lost in myopia and saw a crow resting on a stone by the roadside. I suspected it was a person, so I cleaned it over and over again. After a while, the crow flew away, and the man said, I asked you if you saidno. Your hat was blown away by the wind, so I didn't tell you.
30) The geography teacher asked:? Where is Brazil? A Dai: It's on page 5 1 of the geography textbook. ?
3 1) Father: Whenever I ask you to take a cigarette, you must listen to me. ?
32) son:? I don't know what you mean. ?
33) father:? That is to say, when guests come, I say? Do you have a cigarette? , you really took it; I said? Do you have a cigarette? Don't leave and come back. ?
34) This year's Valentine's Day gift from GG of Mathematics Department to MM: r=b+sinx! (Luojia Mountain Water)
35) mm peeled an apple to eat last night and suddenly screamed when peeling it! I thought I must have been cut by a knife, so I immediately called her over affectionately. Mm said nothing, just squeeze the blood out. I was so distressed that I coaxed her for a long time. When mm cut the apple in half and gave it to me, I said I wanted to see my hand, and she immediately dodged: Don't look, don't look, won't it make you feel bad? (Drinking from the source)