In today's colleges and universities, it is very common for college students to fall in love. The average age of college students is about 20 years old, and they are already legal citizens and adults. Protected and bound by law. Sexual psychological and physical maturity. They are eager for love, and the rules and regulations of Chinese universities clearly stipulate that college students can get married. Therefore, there is no doubt that college students fall in love. However, after falling in love, it is followed by ideological rejection and fluctuation, which makes lovers quarrel endlessly, be trapped by love, give up their studies and regret for life; Fighting for love, wyndell dichinson incident on campus. There was a rift in their relationship, and the vulnerable teenagers chose to commit suicide to escape the relationship that was about to break down. All these have stained the pure and loyal love of college students with a gray stroke, which has caused the society to question: Should college students fall in love during their studies? Which is more important in the choice between love and study?
From another point of view, with the introduction of western ideas and the influence of social phenomena, college students have accepted "sexual liberation" and "sexual freedom" while accepting new ideas. Under this idea, love is not for marriage, and love is not the expression of true feelings. Take love as the "power source" for the development after graduation; Take love as a way to relieve sadness during college; Think of love as a fashion, a way to show your ability. While emancipating their minds, college students ignore the constraints and condemnation of morality, society and law. This kind of thought has put an ignominious touch on the normal love of college students. Let the society ask again: Are these what contemporary college students should do?
As a young teacher who is about to graduate and work as a college counselor, I have heard and witnessed all kinds of violent incidents caused by the pain of college students being trapped by love, as well as young lives lost because of love. Because the future work will be in frequent contact with college students, therefore, how to understand college students in the late adolescence; How to enter their inner world, let them grow up healthily, finish their studies smoothly and succeed is my ideal and my goal. In order to make students have ideals and ambitions and reassure parents and society, the first problem to be solved is the love view of college students. That's all that matters. Contemporary college students are mostly only children, with aloof personality and fragile feelings. How to enlighten them and help them get out of the misunderstanding of their feelings? Let unnecessary painful events reduce or even disappear?
I have always had the desire to deeply study the issue of love. By taking the opportunity of my graduation thesis, I consulted a large number of books on adolescent mental health through my understanding of adolescent sexual psychology and physiology. I looked up a large number of factual cases on the Internet. Extracted the essence of the papers of many experts and scholars; In addition, I heard and witnessed during my five years in school, examples around me, and my own understanding to complete this paper.
The purpose of studying contemporary college students' love view is to understand their understanding and attitude towards love view physically and psychologically, and to analyze many problems caused by incorrect love view with examples, as well as the influence of western thought and society on college students' love view. By integrating theory with practice, college students can understand the concept of love, so as to guide them to establish a correct concept of love, spend their college time smoothly and realize the "double harvest" of love and career.
A probe into the love view of contemporary college students Since the 1990s, influenced by foreign "sexual freedom" and "sexual openness", the psychological maturity stage of Chinese teenagers has gradually advanced. However, due to the immaturity of sexual psychology, there are many unhealthy and immature views on love. This unhealthy and immature concept of love will directly affect the psychological and physical growth of teenagers; But also affect the cultivation of young talents in the new century. Colleges and universities, like a small society, are more susceptible to external influences. Unhealthy information and unhealthy social atmosphere on the Internet have caused one misunderstanding after another in college students' psychology, and a new concept of love for contemporary college students has also emerged. College students' time is a critical period of ideological maturity. College students in their twenties are in their prime of life, full of longing for love, pursuing the beautiful moments of life, hoping to get to know the opposite sex and get the attention of the opposite sex. In fact, as early as middle school, teenagers have a period of sexual obscurity and sexual yearning for understanding the opposite sex, but because of the pressure of parents, teachers and further education, that feeling can only be suppressed. After entering the university, the binding force of the family suddenly decreased, and the communication opportunities between boys and girls increased. In a relatively relaxed and free environment, "love" has developed rapidly in college students' psychology. Love and study have naturally become the two main problems faced by college students during their school days. If the love relationship is handled properly and correctly, it can be a catalyst for study and career, which can make people study hard and improve their grades; Improper handling of love relationship may distract energy, waste time, mood swings and decrease grades. Therefore, it is necessary to understand college students' love view and guide them correctly. First, the concept of love of contemporary college students
The concept of love is the idea that the opposite sex loves each other and cultivates love under the interaction of physiological, psychological and surrounding environmental factors. College students' love is a manifestation of their relative psychological and physical maturity. Psychologists Lin Gengmao and Mei Ping conducted a sample survey of 862 college students in Shanghai 13 universities in the book "Analysis of the Influence of Freudian Sex Theory on College Students' Love Outlook", and reached the conclusion that contemporary college students are influenced by western concepts. As long as there is love, the affirmative answer is that everything is all right, accounting for 29.2%. With the introduction of western ideas and the influence of external and family factors, contemporary college students show a "new" view of love.
(A) the characteristics of contemporary college students in love
"Love is a school for human beings to develop their spiritual potential. It is the primary school students who know what they want, the middle school students who know what the other party wants, the college students who can make both sides have no regrets, and the graduate students and people at different levels who can make both sides succeed, which shows the spiritual differences of people. " Contemporary college students are in the growth stage of thinking and behavior. Can both sides have no regrets? Most college students' love is bitter and unsuccessful. Contemporary college students' view of love shows a very unstable attitude, which is due to the lack of social experience and life experience, as well as the imperfection of ideological outlook on life and values. The present situation of contemporary college students' love view is characterized by simplification, one-sidedness, idealization and romanticization.
1, the process of love is simplified. The love of contemporary college students is simple and fast. In the fast-paced life of society, college students' love has also begun to be simplified, and there is no inherent "sizing up the situation" in thought, and the concept of love has become simple. Boys don't like love tricks that they can't stop. They love and hate if they want, but they don't say what they want, but their behavior is very direct. When they meet a girl they like, they will express their love quickly, and the means they pursue are from the previous "flying pigeon passing books" to the current telephone, text messages and the Internet. When the girl lost her previous "reserve" and felt ok and not very annoying, she began a relationship.
2. One-sidedness in love. Contemporary college students often consider one-sided issues when they fall in love. They only consider what happens when two people are together and how to sublimate their feelings, without considering the influence of family, society and things around them. Often care about the process of love without considering the result, and separate love from marriage. On impulse, regardless of consequences and influence. Some students think that they are not nervous about their studies and have more free time, so find a partner to play with; Some college students are envious when they see that their classmates around them have their own love, and they want to seek a love themselves, but their ideas are all one-sided, showing the immature mentality of contemporary college students, regardless of the consequences.
3. Romanization in love. Contemporary college students pay more attention to emotional pleasure and pursue realistic happiness in love. In the process of communication between two people, every festival is often arranged in a timetable, and it is common to give gifts to each other. Boys are often seen kneeling in front of their girlfriends on campus. The number of red flowers and the way of seeking love are shocking. On Valentine's Day and lovers' birthdays, it is a grand banquet and careful preparation to surprise each other. But at the same time of romance, lovers do not value the success of love, and even think that love and marriage are two different things.
4. Idealization in love. Contemporary college students always have an ideal love mode psychologically, which is idealized ideologically. They look for an object according to their own ideal mode in love and communicate according to their own ideal mode in the process of communication. If they don't want to conform to their own model, love will soon fail, but there are many realistic factors in the process of communication and finding an object. However, due to the immaturity and idealization of contemporary college students' love concept, the actual reality is ignored. Eventually lead to unrealistic love.
(B) the psychological analysis of contemporary college students' love view
College students are in the mature stage of thought and ideology. Goethe said: "which teenager doesn't love, which girl doesn't love spring." Teenagers in the late adolescence, driven by sexual yearning and love, have a good impression on the opposite sex. But psychologically, it shows signs of immaturity.
The exclusiveness of love view. The exclusiveness of love concept is manifested in the control and possession of lovers. In the days when two people get along, they ideologically and consciously exclude everything that comes into contact with the object, especially the opposite sex of lovers, and do not allow lovers to contact and associate with the opposite sex alone. Engels once pointed out: "Sex is exclusive by nature." The exclusiveness of the concept of love is often manifested in the period of passionate love and emotional instability. College students with such a view of love hope to defend and maintain their love through exclusiveness, which fully shows their psychological immaturity and self-confidence.
The impulse to love. The impulsiveness of love concept is manifested in the "sex" problem between two people and the psychological impulse when emotional problems arise. Engels pointed out: "if we can't combine or separate from each other, it will be a misfortune, if not the greatest misfortune, for the other side;" Just to be apart from each other, the other party is willing to take great risks, even at the expense of all "let lovers break through all bondage and interference for love and pay for love all their lives." When lust is high and sex is stimulated, the concept of love will break through everything again. Reckless and impulsive deviant behavior.
The fluctuation of love concept. The fluctuation of love concept is manifested in the fluctuation of two people's thoughts. Contemporary college students are mostly only children, and their thoughts are aloof and fragile. Unwilling to share problems with others, showing extreme and negative. The temporary impulse and the fluctuation of love concept make contemporary college students present a very unstable state in love. The mood of men and women in love fluctuates greatly. It can reach white heat when it is hot and suddenly drop to zero when it is cold; Smile and dance when you are happy; When you are upset and depressed, what the other person says and does will have a great impact on yourself. This ups and downs of emotional changes, sometimes bring adverse effects on physical and mental health, especially for young people with fragile feelings, prone to suicide, murder and other casualties. On April 65438+June, 2007, Seung-Hui Cho, a Korean studying at Virginia Tech, committed XXX attack in Harper Building of Virginia Tech because of his girlfriend's breakup, killing 32 people and then committing suicide.
The fantasy of love. 15~ 16 years old, teenagers enter the opposite sex yearning period. At the same time, one or several "ideal models" of the opposite sex are formed, and the good feelings for the group opposite sex gradually turn into dependence and admiration for the individual opposite sex, thus producing love. According to the natural process of human psychological and social development, a normal person needs to learn to establish heterosexual friendship from junior high school. Therefore, under the pressure of teachers, parents and studies, young people in junior and senior high schools can't resist their curiosity about the opposite sex and have love. Therefore, before entering the university, quite a few young people have begun to fall in love, which is in sharp contrast with the love before China's reform and opening up, showing a trend of younger age. Young people always have beautiful fantasies about their own "Snow White" and "Prince Charming". When they establish a relationship, they often fantasize about the future alone or together, look forward to a better tomorrow, weave their own ideal dreams, and even start sexual fantasies. But sometimes it is divorced from reality. Fantasy wakes up, which is different from fantasy, and finds that there are still so many shortcomings in each other. At this time, emotional problems appeared, and the feelings of the two people gradually faded and slowly came to an end. Second, the problems and reasons of contemporary college students' love view
Although the sexual and physical development of contemporary college students is basically mature, their psychological development is relatively backward, their outlook on life and values are not stable enough, their academic foundation is not solid enough, their social experience is relatively lacking, and they have no independent economic foundation. When college students are in love, they may not be able to handle the relationship well, which leads to many controversial issues and affects their physical and mental health.
(A) the problems of contemporary college students' concept of love
The formation of love concept is based on sexual psychology and physical maturity, plus the maturity of outlook on life, values and world outlook. Teenagers enter the maturity of sexual psychology and physiology in the late adolescence, that is, around the age of twenty. This period is also the stage for teenagers to seek knowledge among college students. The outlook on life, values and world outlook are also gradually maturing, and they are easily influenced by the outside world. Love is the product of college students' sexual psychology and physical development. Love is the pursuit of love, but it is not innate. A person's pursuit of love can only exist when sexual physiology develops to a certain stage. However, the concept of love is the concrete expression of sexual psychology, so the period when college students form the concept of love is the period when sexual psychology begins, that is, the period when adolescence begins.
Due to the immaturity of sexual psychology, college students also have inappropriate views on love in love. Showing ideological fluctuation, exclusiveness, impulsiveness and fantasy; At the same time, college students are also influenced by the external environment.
1, use love to transfer the emptiness of thought. After intense study in high school, college students have entered a brand-new environment and their dream institutions of higher learning. When their new ideal has not yet been established, an ideal vacuum zone has appeared, showing muddling through. Some students think that after entering the university, they are very negative, aimless and listless all day. Life seems meaningless, their minds are blank, and they have lost their goals and motivation. However, in the view of love, it shows improper motives and wrong mentality.
2. The concept of love shows that the motive of choosing a spouse is impure. When choosing an object, contemporary college students often consider whether the other person is suitable for them, but whether he or she can help me in study, life, future employment and development. If he (she) is found useful, he (she) will take all means to attack. When they get what they want by hook or by crook, some college students use their family and social status to find love, and some college students associate with multiple members of the opposite sex at the same time without establishing relationships.
3. Conflicts arise because of immature and unstable thoughts. After establishing a love relationship, two people often quarrel, which is caused by mutual suspicion, incomprehension and intolerance of contemporary college students. Most contemporary college students are only children, and they have been cared and loved by their families and people around them since childhood. They can't allow themselves to be hurt at all. When they are together, they tend to get more ideas from each other. When the other person's actions and language or behavior are inappropriate, they will start quarreling without thinking. This is a sign of immature love concept and an attitude of distrust for themselves.
I am curious and have the idea of giving it a try. Contemporary college students are in the late adolescence, their physiological functions are basically mature, their psychological functions tend to be mature, they are full of energy, and they are eager for heterosexual communication. In middle school, the pressure of study is great, which is not fully manifested. Now that the subjective consciousness has developed, personal development will inevitably be reflected in personal life. The desire for the opposite sex makes him psychologically curious. I want to try to explore the secrets between the opposite sex and show an irresponsible attitude towards love. I just stay in the curiosity and desire on the surface of love, without thinking about the consequences and future development after love.
5, only care about the process of love. Most contemporary college students have the idea that it is good for two people to have a happy day together, "only care about what they once had, not eternity". It is with this mentality that many teenagers associate with the opposite sex and regard love as "the first experience of love" and "enriching college life", rather than for the formation of marriage and family in the future. Together, they think about how to spend every day romantically and openly break up before graduation. The reason is quite simple. Calm words such as "I have no feelings for you" and "we are not suitable" also show great calm. This is a new concept of college students' love, which cares about the process of love and despises the ending of love, thus reflecting the irresponsibility of contemporary college students to love.
6. Morality is weakened. For a long time, China's traditional morality has had a far-reaching impact on college students. However, with the introduction of western ideas, college students accept new ideas very quickly, and the open concept has an impact on college students' "sex" and marriage problems. Under the influence of this new idea, college students are in the whirlpool of rational and emotional contradictions, and their sexual concepts are gradually opening up, ignoring results and morality. Coupled with physical and psychological reasons, there is a curious and bold attempt at "sex", but it is often embarrassing and endless regret after trying.
7. Think that love and career are not in conflict. In the face of love and study, contemporary college students often put love first, thinking that as long as there is love, everything is fine. Love and study are two unrelated concepts in connotation, so it is impossible to compare them. Even if there is contact, it is impossible to delay learning, because there is no psychological love when learning. College students subjectively think that love has nothing to do with study.
8. Take material conditions as the basis of love. The utilitarian and powerful love is based on each other's family and social status, or on their own superior conditions. Traditionally, women are very dependent, and most women want to entrust their future to a reliable and stable person. But with the development of society, the love of utility and power is not only manifested in women. Contemporary college students are obviously becoming more and more utilitarian and powerful, and more and more pinning their future on each other. Of course, the formation of this utilitarian and correct concept of love is also related to social employment pressure and subjective and personal psychological maturity.
9. Think that love itself is a game. The new concept of love gradually networked the place of love. With the popularity of the Internet, online dating has become a new way of love. On the Internet, you can hide your age, gender, location and appearance. This secret and liberated way has attracted countless teenagers. Online dating has become a fashionable activity to some extent. College students who have just entered the university campus often fall into online love because of their poor self-control ability. With more free time, college students with convenient internet access will naturally flock to fall in love in this way.
College students' online love includes games, emotional sustenance, romantic pursuit, self-expression, fashion pursuit and drifting. Any type has the same feature: abandoning "love is for marriage", treating love as an online game, and communicating emotionally in the game can leave the society behind and treat everything as a game with vague gender and identity.
(B) the causes of contemporary college students' improper love view
The phenomenon of college students' love is quite common in universities all over the country. The proportion of college students who have been in love or are in love is as high as 80%, and 46% people think that falling in love is a normal physical and mental need, and there is nothing wrong with it. These data show that the love view of contemporary college students has changed greatly, and there are many factors that contribute to the change of college students' love view.
1, after entering the university, is determined by the sense of freedom and loneliness in thought.
Many college students fall in love prematurely, not because they share the same interests and are attracted by each other's interests, but because they want to satisfy their vanity and spiritual emptiness. Most contemporary college students are only children, and their learning environment is that they are educated at home in junior and senior high schools, and their parents care for them in every possible way. After he was admitted to the university, he began to study in different places. Sometimes I can't help feeling lonely. Therefore, love can make college students get psychological sustenance and emotional satisfaction. In a free and time-filled space, heterosexual contact is gradually increasing, and friendship between the opposite sex is gradually transformed into love. When you are depressed, someone is with you and someone shares your happiness and pain.
From a physiological point of view, teenagers have yearned for the opposite sex since junior high school, eager to be concerned and communicated with the opposite sex. But that time is also the most critical moment for learning. I received education at my doorstep and lived a "three-point-one-line" life every day. Under the pressure of parents, falling in love is regarded as a thunder pool, and you can't take a step. In school, as long as you have more contact with the opposite sex, you will be labeled as "puppy love" by the teacher. The double pressure of parents and teachers inhibits the normal development of students' emotions. In addition, students who are under pressure to enter a higher school are also afraid that their emotional problems will affect their future. After entering the university, great changes have taken place in life and study. I have my own space and more time. The floodgate of love opened and love began.
2. The only child is aloof and willful.
Since the reform and opening up, the only child in the family has gradually increased. Every family has a child, and parents devote all their love and energy to one person. With the improvement of living standards, parents dote on their children not only mentally, but also materially. As long as the child wants it, parents will try their best to satisfy it. As the saying goes, "the children of poor families are the masters early", and the children who reach for clothes and can't make ends meet have developed a arrogant and willful character. They often don't know what understanding and tolerance are. Always self-centered, selfish and indifferent is the nature of most only children. Emotionally, he is also willful and arrogant. When they begin to fall in love, they will communicate with each other with their "temper" developed since childhood, and only ask each other to pay in thought, but don't know how to pay; In behavior, they only take, not help each other. Quarrel over one sentence, break up everywhere. You can hear "I do" anytime, anywhere. Under such a arrogant and willful personality, the love view of contemporary college students also shows volatility, fantasy, exclusiveness and impulsiveness. When encountering problems, they are extreme and negative; After quarreling and falling out of love, the way to deal with it is often unimaginable, and even casualties occur. The willfulness of college students makes them unwilling to communicate with their parents when they encounter problems, but love is a very serious and important issue. Parents' views will play a decisive role in children, and parents' practices and attitudes will also affect children's views on love. Some secular families, appearances, jobs and families fully show parents' subjective wishes, and show unrealistic disputes and thoughts in love when choosing a spouse. Being spoiled from childhood will also give children a competitive mentality. In college dormitory life, the psychology of not admitting defeat is also accompanied by college students seeking partners. Conformity psychology and dependence psychology also came into being.
3. The continuous influence of the outside world.
The influence of network on college students. The junk information in network information has a great influence on students' moral concept. With the popularity of the Internet, college students spend more and more time online, and the speed of network information infecting students is getting faster and faster, more and more timely. Of course, the mainstream of the internet is good, healthy and positive, but it is undeniable that there are still a lot of negative and decadent information on the internet, which infringes on college students who are gradually mature in sexual psychology and physiology. A new type of "sexual liberation" and "sexual freedom" has been formed in their minds. These false, vulgar, false and unfiltered information have a great influence on college students who have low discrimination ability and are forming their outlook on life and values.
The influence of the surrounding environment. As soon as college students step into the university gate, they feel that everything is new. After studying hard at the cold window for twelve years, I finally entered my dream university and looked forward to the future. At the same time, I was influenced by the people around me and the environment. Several people in the same dormitory gradually have their own love. Every time they have a rest, they are alone in the dormitory, walking on the way to the classroom and library, and all they see are students in pairs. At this time, their thoughts have changed greatly, and some students can't bear the cynicism of people around them. Something like "XXX's ability is too poor, XXX's level is not good, and nobody wants it for so long" will do more harm to students.
The influence of bad social atmosphere. With the enrollment expansion of colleges and universities, the employment difficulty has become an important problem faced by college students. The social atmosphere of utility and rights has also entered the university campus. Nowadays, college students put "reality" before everything. When falling in love, college students also pin their happiness on the "other half" they are looking for, so that they can struggle less for decades. The proportion of "money worship" and "power worship" in college students' love view is also increasing day by day. Among my classmates, there is such a girl who found a boyfriend between an important exam. With the help of her boyfriend, she successfully got the admission notice and proposed to break up with her boyfriend. Influenced by western thoughts, college students think that sex is the basic guarantee and foundation of love. Since you love, you can give up everything, regardless of the consequences and influences. Some girls exchange virginity for eternity in order to keep their lovers. The result is only dryness and regret. There is hedonism in unhealthy social atmosphere. Some female students, in order to make themselves "beautiful", have a love view mode that I can be good with whoever I have money, and age and family are not important. Change your so-called love into material, and this concept of love has great influence. Third, establish a correct view of love.
Love is a beautiful and mysterious word, and it is also an old and often new topic. Love is a unique emotion of human beings, symbolizing purity, loyalty, beauty and sacredness. It is the most sincere, passionate, stable and single-minded emotion formed by both men and women in their hearts. Love is based on human's sexual and physiological development, and on human's thoughts and feelings with social content. Although the sexual physiological development of contemporary college students is basically mature, there are still many shortcomings in sexual psychology, unstable outlook on life and weak learning foundation. However, college students are eager for love, but they can't correctly understand the meaning of love. Therefore, it is necessary to establish a correct view of love, so that college students can take fewer detours and enter less dead ends.
(1) Fully realize that love is the most important part of life.
A person's life is short and colorful, accompanied by affection, friendship and love. But the most important, stable and single-minded emotion is love. No matter where you go, no matter how old you are, only when you are old will your husband and wife be most concerned, and only love will give you unlimited power to accomplish any impossible task. There is no need to blame young college students for their thinking about love, but we must understand love correctly. Love is the most sincere admiration between men and women based on a certain objective material basis and the ideal of living together, and they are eager for each other to become their life partners. The essence of love is to take responsibility and be brave in dedication. True love is based on mutual love, which can make people gain strength and happiness, enrich their lives, promote success and build a harmonious family. The love between Marx and Yan Ni shows their true love. Love is not the whole content of life. As far as short life is concerned, great career and lofty ideal are more meaningful, while love is subordinate. Only when contemporary college students integrate love into their ideals can their careers give real meaning to life and love. It is impossible for young people with impure love motives such as "taking people by money", "judging people by appearances" and "making up for their shortcomings with love" to get true love. It not only defiles love itself, but also violates the basic requirements of morality.