He is determined to change parrots. Say polite words to it every day, teach it elegant vocabulary and play soft music, but it's no use. This parrot is still full of foul language. He shouted at the parrot angrily, and the parrot shouted at him even louder.
Once, he was so angry that he threw the parrot into the refrigerator. A few seconds later, he heard the parrot flapping its wings, shouting and cursing inside. Suddenly, it was quiet and there was no sound at all. Half a minute passed, but there was still no sound. He was worried that the parrot would be frozen, so he immediately opened the refrigerator.
The parrot came out calmly, stood obediently on his arm and said in a very sincere tone, "I'm sorry to make you angry." I have done something wrong before. I decided to repent and stop swearing. Please forgive me. "
Young people are surprised at the change of parrots. Before he could say anything, the parrot went on to say, "Can I ask what the chicken inside did wrong?"
The emperor said to the little plum beside him, you can describe me in one word. Xiao Lizi replied: What's the matter? Then the little plum was cut. . .
18. Patients in the hospital intensive care unit always die around 11 o'clock on Sunday, which makes doctors very confused and even thinks that this is a supernatural phenomenon, so an expert group was set up to investigate the reasons. On Sunday, the clock just struck 1 1 point. Through the monitor, it was found that the cleaner who cleaned on Sunday walked into the intensive care unit, unplugged the wire plug of the life support system of seriously ill patients, then plugged in the vacuum cleaner and began to clean. . .
Three people died at a time. The soul flies to heaven.
After arriving at the gate of heaven, an angel said to them, I'm sorry, because there are more and more people on the earth, and there is no place in heaven. Only one of you can go to heaven.
Three people asked what to do? The angel thought for a moment and said, well, you three tell me how you all died. Whoever speaks well will go to heaven.
So the three men agreed to this method after deliberation.
I am an office worker. Recently, I went to work every day, and when I went to work in the morning, my neighbors always said to me; Your wife stole from others while you were at work. Tell me for days on end. So I decided to find out the truth. So I got off work early today and was going home to catch him. I came home to find my wife naked. And there are men's shoes at the door and men's clothes and pants on the ground. So I was angry and frantically searched the house for the beast. But I can't find it anywhere. Just then, I found my hand on the windowsill on the 30th floor. MD, you can really hide. I kept hitting his hand and yelling, go to hell. But he's strong. He just wouldn't let go. Finally, I lifted the refrigerator and stabbed him. He finally fell down. But I had a heart attack because of excessive excitement. So I died.
The angel said in silence, what about you? Ask B.
B: I'm a high-rise building cleaner. One day, I was cleaning the glass on the 35th floor when suddenly the cable was broken. I caught the windowsill of my house in autumn. I'm glad I'm not dead. Suddenly a madman rushed out and hit my hand desperately. Finally, this madman tied me up in the refrigerator and fell to my death.
Angel. . . . Then how did you die? Ask C.
C: Me? I hid in the refrigerator.
Angel. . . . . . .
Rabbit joke
The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."
"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.
The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"
Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"
"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.
On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"
The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "
The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "
A small match, with an itchy head, caught it, caught fire, set itself on fire, and then went to the hospital and became a cotton swab, because the head was covered with gauze. ...
Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside crying and flew away.
Once in class, the teacher had a difficult problem: "Li Mao, you answer!" " "
He Miaomiao stood up: "Teacher, I won't!"
Teacher: "Oh, then sit ~ ~ ~ Please answer No.1!"
He Miaomiao stood up again: "Teacher, I really can't ~ ~" At this moment, someone was laughing below.
Teacher: "Excuse me, please sit down ~ ~ ~ and then the monitor will answer this question ~ ~ ~"
Everybody laughs ~ ~ ~
He Miaomiao has already cried: "Teacher, can you leave me alone ~ ~ ~"
Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.
A man climbed over the wall and went out of school, and was caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked: Why don't you enter the school gate? Answer: Meters, Bang Wei and Bang Wei don't take the usual road. The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall cross over? He pointed to his trousers and said, Li Ning, anything is possible.
The headmaster asked again: What's it like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying. The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume. The headmaster said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said, you are what you wear, Mason. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school. The headmaster said he couldn't wear a vest to school. He said, man, simple is good, love fort clothes. The headmaster said I would give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said, M-Zone, my site is my decision.
1 indicates that ... during the Iraq war, the United States issued a notice saying that it would reward an Iraqi soldier with 50,000 dollars. After receiving the notice, two American soldiers watched and watched it with great excitement. They couldn't find it all day and finally fell asleep in a broken house, zzz. When one of them woke up and saw 498 Iraqi soldiers pointing at them with AK-47, the awakened American soldier quickly shouted to Zhenjue nearby: "Get up!"
2 said ... a man came home at night, and suddenly a man in black jumped out of the corner, pointed a gun at him and asked, "1+ 1=? The man said slowly, trembling, "Bang ...1~ ~ ~ ~, the man in black made a move. When the man fell down, the man in black gently blew the smoke on the gun and said, "You know too much."
3 said ... a college student was kidnapped. The gangster said to the college students with high-voltage electricity, "Which school are you from?" Only that college student said, "I'm from TV University." As a result, he was electrocuted A man bought a parrot and taught it to talk. He taught the parrot to say, who is it? The parrot learned. One day, the master went to work. Suddenly, someone knocked at the door. The parrot said, "Who is it?" "The man said," the guy with the fuel tank. "Continue to say who is it? Fuel tank deliveryman Later, the person who delivered the gas tank fainted. When the master came back, he saw a man sleeping at the door and asked, who is it? Parrot replied: gas tank delivery.
I saw a couple quarreling in the street this morning.
The girl slapped her boyfriend hard, and the man shouted to the girl to save face: "slap me again if you have the ability!" " "
My girlfriend slapped her again without hesitation.
The man paused and said, "Since you are so obedient, I will spare you."
Classmate A likes a girl C, but he has never dared to pursue her. He has two buddies, so he helps him with ideas and negotiates a hero to save America.
One miserable evening, two buddies dressed as hooligans stopped C from coming home from school. They said with a straight face, "Come on, girl, let's play!" " "
C: "Good!"
Girl C went with his two buddies.
Four priests Tang went to travel by plane, and the plane crashed on the way, but there were only three parachutes.
So, the Tang Priest said, let's answer the question, and jump if we can't answer it.
Tang Priest: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?
Wukong: One.
Tang Priest: OK, here you are.
Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many moons are there in the sky?
Friar Sand: One.
Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one, too.
Bajie on the side is so happy, such a simple question.
Tang Priest: Bajie, how many stars are there in the sky?
Before long, the four of them flew to travel again. They crashed on the way and there were still only three parachutes.
They went on answering questions.
Tang Priest: Wukong, when was People's Republic of China (PRC) founded?
Wukong: 1949
Tang Priest: OK. Here you are.
Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many people died in the Liberation War?
Friar Sand: Two million people.
Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one, too.
Tang Priest: Bajie, what are the names of those 2 million people?
..... Bajie had to jump again.
....
Bajie jumped down.
The third time, the four of them traveled by plane again and had an accident on the way.
Then Pig said, Master, you don't have to ask. I jump by myself.
Then jump.
Tang Priest put his hands together: Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time.
One day Xiaoming shouted: An Sizhu, An Sizhu, An Sizhi Chunzhu (I am a pig, I am a pig, I am a stupid pig). Everyone laughed, and Xiao Fang said, Yes, I miss bamboo, I miss pure bamboo (you are a pig, you are a pig, you are a stupid pig). Everyone said to Xiao Fang in unison: Genius, only someone listens.
Please accept it, it took so long! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !