Buddhism is a convenient practice, so don't be so persistent. At first, Sakyamuni Buddha lived by drinking the goat's milk from a shepherdess. You haven't practiced that much. Besides, you are practicing at home, not becoming a monk. You can also eat three golden meats (if not under the great precepts). As for not killing yourself, I just don't kill for you. For example, when you eat in a restaurant, you order a fish. The fish is alive and well. After you order it, he has to kill it for you, and so on. In the case of killing it for you, someone else ended his life, which is equivalent to indirect murder.

Now you should pay attention to your health. Although it's just a smelly skin, it's also an instrument. Do not cherish your true practice. I wish you good health, diligence and courage.