The meeting with Ajie was natural and accidental. Naturally, because he is one year older than me, it is natural to meet the new students at the station. Occasionally, so many freshmen and pick-up people just ask him to take me back to school. Besides, he is actually my hometown. For me, a girl who left her hometown for the first time, this kind of intimacy suddenly took Ajie as her own relative. A month after school started, my relatives became lovers. Loneliness, loneliness with illness, can sometimes become a powerful force, crushing my reserve and arrogance. Ajie, objectively speaking, is an excellent boy, tall and thin, the kind of scholar with glasses. He usually doesn't talk much, but he likes girls very much. During the days when I was lying in bed, he bought me medicine, flowers and fruits. Very considerate to be caring and attentive, although a few words moved me to tears. In this way, I am used to having a person who loves me, cares about me and sympathizes with me. I think a woman is born to be a flower that needs to be cared for, and a cat that needs to be caressed.
I didn't expect love, if it can be called love, to come so quickly. The love of college students is very simple, that is, waiting for me to eat, study and walk together every day, but such a simple life makes me happy and at a loss. With Ajie, there are always endless words. In the dormitory, at home, in life and in study, Ajie doesn't talk much. He is a good listener. As long as he looks at me intently with his eyes and smiles occasionally, I feel so happy. It seems that the whole world suddenly lights up.
On Christmas night, he kissed me for the first time. In fact, it happened naturally like a thunderstorm in summer. Looking back now, I only remember my heart beating badly and blushing for a long time. Funnily enough, it was my first kiss. It is necessary to add that my parents are teachers, my father teaches philosophy at university and my mother is a middle school music teacher. Needless to say, the influence of what they have seen and heard in the past 20 years is enough to make me become a typical traditional oriental girl, who thinks that falling in love at school is immoral, only for bad children, and puppy love seems to have an inevitable connection with depravity. Sometimes you can't resist this subtle thing. From this family environment, let me be like a train, along the established track, to the established terminal. So, before I went to college, I was like a pot of magnolia. Although it grows well and opens beautifully, it lacks internal vitality and vitality. When I entered the university, I gradually felt that I had opened a window of freedom and a space of love.
Like a shower, it comes quickly and often goes quickly. In fact, it's no big deal, just because of this, I can't accept Ajie staying in my world. It was a bus ride, and a thief's hand reached into someone else's trouser pocket under our noses. I glanced at Ajie, and his eyes signaled me to mind my own business. However, I gave a cry and my hand shrank back. No one said anything. I didn't say anything until three days later, before going to bed at night, I called Ajie and said four words, Ajie, let's break up. I hung up before he responded, because I was distressed. That night, just like Chyi Chin's songs, my tears stayed with me all night. Maybe it's time to give Ajie an explanation. I wrote a letter as an explanation, and also drew an incomplete and sudden end to my first love. I just told him who his uncle was (when he was fighting with a knife gangster, none of the dozens of people on the scene came forward to help, and my uncle is still lying in his hospital bed, probably for life).
I have to keep myself busy, because when I am quiet, memories will force me to watch slides that I don't want to see, and show you clearly the pictures that I thought had disappeared from my memory. Every time you look at them, you think the healed wound will crack again.
I put all my energy into my study and some social work. After a year, I feel that I am not the same person. From then on, I began to believe that any ordinary person can develop beyond imagination, and women can do better than men. I am the only one with a double degree in my class, because our major is difficult, but I still majored in business English.
I didn't go home in the summer of my sophomore year. Because I participated in teaching activities in poor areas.
After the exam, there are still several days before the volunteer activities begin. I will go swimming at the seaside when I am free. The blue sea, the wide sea and the gentle sea breeze completely relax me. I like to swim hard until I am exhausted, and then lie on the beach and bask in the sun. This is my favorite time in this city.
God said that if you close a door, a window will open for you. In fact, God has opened many windows for me, and I always close her gently by myself. Every time I receive a note, or a gift, even the most direct phone call or face-to-face confession, I always maintain a detached attitude. Even I am surprised at my maturity. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to accept anyone.
I remember clearly that it was a cloudy day. It's cold and windy, and the waves are much higher than usual. I did some warm-up exercises as usual and swam to the deep water area. I feel that the sea is much cooler, and the waves come and go, making it difficult to swim, but I feel very comfortable, without the usual crowding and noise, only the sea breeze and waves improvise. The first feeling is that I am so close to the sea, as if I have merged.
When I was lying on the beach here, a very magnetic male voice sounded in my ear: You must be a gentleman. It is cold and windy today. It's easy for you to catch a cold lying like this. ? I opened my eyes, and a boy with a familiar face did not know when to stand beside me. ? Who are you? ,? I'm Gang from the Institute of Physics. We talked at the mobilization meeting for teaching in the countryside. Don't you remember?
I was very big just now. On the way to teach, my luggage naturally fell on his shoulder. After arriving at that Hope Primary School, the hardships of life exceeded our imagination. Steamed potatoes and boiled radishes are the same for three meals a day. I tasted meat twice a month, the first meal I went to and the last meal I left. Ham and instant noodles brought to prepare dry food were distributed to the students there on the first day, and no one could refuse to swallow the saliva. When we got together at night, we couldn't help complaining, but no one said that we regretted it. Two words. At this time, I always tell a joke or something, so that everyone can temporarily forget the taste of potatoes in their mouths in laughter.
Gang, who looks cheerful all day, is actually a cautious person. Often accidentally fall into a hazy memory, it will appear by my side and tease me for a while. When this seems to care about the second time inadvertently, the girl's unique intuition tells me that she just has feelings for me. In a month of boring teaching life, the book just lent to me has become the best pastime to kill time. Finally, someone told me that he didn't bring these books at all, but he borrowed them from the principal's house to show me.
If you don't know what you want to do now, then you can ask yourself: Are you satisfied with your present life? If you are satisfied, you don't have to do anything, just enjoy it. Not satisfied? That's easy. What you are not satisfied with is what you need to do now. I used to control my time in this way. It seems that it works every time, and I always feel that your ordinary life can be enriched.
I have a double degree, so I spend most of my spare time in the library. After that summer vacation, the study room in the library was very nervous. If I go late, there will be no seat, so it becomes a firm obligation to occupy a seat for me. Slowly, it seems a matter of course to fetch me water and bring me my schoolbag. I only asked me out several times, but I didn't agree, except climbing the mountain together on the eleventh day, because several students went together. I just obviously asked my story carefully. At Christmas, he gave me a CD of Bryan Adams. These words are written on the Christmas card: Merry Christmas. I don't know if you like Brian's CD. I like this song "Wait here" very much. Let bygones be bygones, don't be afraid to have it again just because you lost it. It's cold, put on more clothes, or you'll catch a cold. By the time I read it for the third time, my eyes were already wet.
Before I noticed, I was a senior. That day, he just told me something. Ajie is going to Beijing in three days. He has been admitted to Berkeley. Just silently say, go and see him off. He is on the noon 12: 30 train. I didn't go. Maybe Ajie is a straight screwdriver and I am a cross screw. If I have to, I'll just screw my screws to death. I know very well that Ajie and I will always be parallel lines. I don't know. I shouldn't meet each other. How did they meet? I didn't ask or say. I'm just talking about my favorite music, favorite writers, favorite dishes, and so on. Ajie told him everything. Perhaps, some debts, as long as you owe them, will never be paid off.
Writing here is not over, but I don't want to continue.
On Monday, a busy day, I curled up in that comfortable nest, and I didn't want to go out more and more. There were fewer appointments and fewer men.
It should be a youthful university, walking hand in hand through the grass. Once upon a time, it was a romantic shrine where many poets and writers gave their first love. People always stop deep at the university gate. Her purity, her nobility and her feelings are a mystery. Everything that should happen on campus seems so clear, a breeze blowing, with faint ripples. Like first love, they hooked their fingers and snuggled up on the playground to watch the sunset on the horizon.
Yes, it seems that this is the university, a place about youth and feelings.
In the story, we began to turn boys into after-dinner topics, began to secretly write about girls by the bed after lights out, and began to study why lovers always suck with their tongues for a long time with red faces, and then simply thought, "Won't their tongues get numb?"
University, a place where "love" should have just begun.
Now the romance in the university has begun to override the material, and there is no longer a picture of holding hands in line to squeeze the canteen; No longer shoulder to shoulder, the back of the self-study classroom is whispering, no longer the indifferent eyes behind the window of a high-end car, more research is how to make skin dating more passionate.
But the university has become the place where "love" begins and ends.
Campus Love Prose III: Confused University Love University love makes people feel lost. Maybe, as my mother said, I've always deserved it. I shouldn't have started such a relationship in college. Our home is too far away. But is it really that difficult for us to get to the end? I don't know if I'm really wrong.
I will always remember that evening after the rain, on the way back to school, when I refused to leave, the moment you turned around, the smile on your mouth slightly raised, which made me feel so warm. Even after two years, it still reminds me of it.
I like you to hold my hand quietly and listen to my old stories. You will never be jealous because I praised my former friends of the opposite sex. Do you mind if I say they are fine? I admit that this is beyond my understanding and tolerance. Of course, I just miss the beauty they brought me in those youthful years. You know, no matter how close I am to them, it's hard to have a chance to talk again in the future.
Although we often quarrel, although I am often dissatisfied with your various things, I know very well in my heart that you are spoiling me with a rare tolerance. I said a lot of things that made you sad, and I also did some things that made you sad. I always hope that you can understand me, understand me, but never reflect on yourself. Really understand you, understand you?
But you know what? About our love, I am full of hesitation and anxiety, and the practical difficulties are hard to escape. I really want you to hold my hand and go on. Accompany me to do what I want to do and go where I want to go. I really feel very satisfied and beautiful, and I am looking forward to this future. However, I don't know if this is just an impossible dream. Therefore, it is precisely because of these anxieties that I often get hysterical, because I don't know how to vent. Forgive me, dear!
It's not that I have no better choice. He has a bright future, mature and steady, and cherishes me very much. This seems to be the ideal partner in the eyes of adults. However, I really feel that I have no love for him. I just want to be with you all the time.
Am I wrong? Sometimes it is really helpless.
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