In fact, this method does not help children at all, but gradually destroys their self-confidence. Under the ridicule and accusation of parents, due to long-term psychological torture, it has caused indelible harm to children.
0 1
"Shame education" is not as good as imagined.
I once read an impressive story on the Internet: A mother is very strict with her children and has high demands on her performance. The mother has helped her children to attend many cram schools and interest classes since she was a child, hoping that their children will become talents in the future.
She always remembers not to brag too much about her children's excellent grades. "Pride makes people lag behind" is mother's motto. Every time I replace my child's hard work with my mother's "good", no matter how much time I spend reviewing overtime, I feel nothing in my mother's eyes, because this is what children should do.
When the child's grades were not good, the mother began to turn over the old scores and didn't scold the child. Sometimes, in order to impress children, she even publicly accuses them in front of guests. In the eyes of outsiders, it is the mother who constantly urges her children to work hard, while in the eyes of children, it is the mother who forces herself to study.
When the child saw his mother waiting for him, his heart became more afraid. After reading the completion report, his mother didn't point her finger at the child. The child slapped him severely and cried, "You still don't want me. I'll do it myself, so are you satisfied? "
Seeing that the child's cheeks were red and swollen, he couldn't say a word of blame. In fact, parents don't want to humiliate their children, but they don't realize how painful these words are. Parents may think they are working for their children's welfare, but this kind of love is too difficult, and they have frightened their children.
"Shame education" tries to prove this point with children's disobedience and desire, so that children can continue to work hard and dare not relax. But what I didn't expect was that the children were still immature, and it was difficult for them to bear such heavy emotions. Failure to mobilize their fighting spirit will only continue to suppress their self-confidence and self-esteem, make them stop believing in themselves, and cause a lot of irreparable harm to their children.
02
The harm of "humiliation education";
Harm 1: Let children become completely self-respecting.
Self-esteem is formed when children are very young. Destroying a person's self-esteem is fast, but rebuilding it is difficult. Self-esteem is the main source for children to know themselves correctly and live in a crowd.
Children without self-esteem tend to give up on themselves, thinking that they don't need the care of others, and that they should be treated at will, without resisting or refusing. In this case, the child will be dominated by others.
It was the parents' bad words that destroyed the children's self-esteem. It is easy for children to misunderstand what the closest people say and think that they should treat themselves like this, so they will feel inferior when they get along with others.
Hazard 2: Let children lose confidence.
Self-confidence enables us to continue to work hard to do what we want to do. Self-confidence can give children more courage to try different things and challenge what they think is impossible. This is very helpful for children's progress. Ability.
Self-confidence is a combination of various sense of accomplishment, identity and accurate self-knowledge. However, parents' belittling and scolding will make children feel depressed and depressed, and it is difficult to have self-confidence. In this way, children will gradually lose self-confidence, have no hope for themselves and dare not face the trust of others.
Hazard 3: Make children feel insecure.
When it comes to parenting knowledge, eight out of ten sentences are inseparable from safety, which also shows the importance of safety to children. Children are insecure, easy to feel inferior and will shrink back. Some children will have problems such as emotional out of control and irritability.
The sense of security comes from the companionship and care of parents. When parents only care about whether their children will feel complacent and strict with their children, there is much less companionship and concern. We either accompany the children or accompany us. True friendship requires us to communicate sincerely with our children, communicate with each other and understand each other's intentions in order to give them a sense of security. So, how many parents have implemented "shame education" to satisfy their children's sense of security?
These "insulting education" to parents in China have undoubtedly done great harm to our children, but it is not too late to mend. Smart parents must learn to use these three skills to help their children get rid of the shadow of "humiliating education".
03
Understand the following three skills to make up for the harm of "humiliating education":
Step 1: Parents need to maintain their children's self-esteem.
In order to maintain children's self-esteem, then parents must give up those harmful words. We need to tell our children immediately after they have done something wrong, but not when there are many people. You can take your child to a quiet place, and then slowly tell him what you did wrong. This is to protect the child's face and protect his self-esteem.
Parents certainly have the right to educate their children, but there is no need to educate their children to correct them by making them feel ashamed. A little self-esteem can easily help children grow up healthily.
The second trick: know the children.
Parents like to use "shame education" because they treat their children with their own ideas. Because in the eyes of adults, these learning and etiquette are our survival skills and we must learn by ourselves, so parents will ask their children to study hard and study hard. I think this is a child's obligation and needs to be strictly completed.
But children don't have this idea. They just think that my parents want me to learn to read, and I don't want to learn at all. Different ideas will make children have no motivation to learn and will not anger their parents.
Therefore, parents should understand their children, feel their thoughts, and then guide them to learn correctly and understand the parent-child relationship correctly.
The third measure: do not encourage less.
Many parents do not like to use encouragement. They blindly believe that their children are prone to pride and can only criticize and accuse them of improving their children. I often argue that children are not easy to be proud, so you must praise them. Every parent's prediction of their children is negative, but everyone's situation is different. What happens to other people's children may not happen to their own children.
Try not to spend money, why don't parents dare to change than their children? The road to education is not smooth. Is that parents are going in the wrong direction. If you change your method, you will be kept in the dark. Don't use your child's feelings as a bargaining chip in your education. What's the difference between this kind of education and compulsion? Children need to grow up actively. How should parents make them bear such a heavy emotional burden as soon as possible?
Children's mental health is also very important. Parents should not simply think that children's good health means healthy growth. Psychological influence will not only destroy children's minds, but also their bodies. There are countless children who are sick because of stress. When children only have the task of learning, they are already under pressure. How much will they have to bear in the future?