If you have experienced emotional neglect and are now a parent or plan to raise a child, please read it carefully.

First of all, solve the guilt as a parent:

1, many parents will doubt whether they are right or wrong in parenting and feel guilty. Guilt will affect healthy family education.

2. Guilt will affect our choice of appropriate education methods. It's hard to refuse a child when you feel guilty, which will aggravate your guilt. When children discover their parents' self-doubt, they will know how to use it.

It is better to make up your mind to be responsible for your children than to feel guilty. At the same time, it is normal to make mistakes without perfect parents.

4. Try to follow the rules of establishing self-discipline when raising children. Don't be too hard on yourself when you do something wrong, it will consume your energy and become more fragile. You are better at changing yourself than your parents.

Second, if you make a change:

1. When practicing according to the change method I made up and a series of changes have been made, the child may have felt the change, which has a positive impact on him. If the child doesn't realize it, he only responds when you refuse him, which is not a bad thing.

The fact is: children realize that you are more concerned about their own needs, and they will begin to pay attention to and value their own needs.

2. The child should adapt to your change, or you should face the influence of emotional neglect you caused him before. When the child has a corresponding reaction, ask him how he feels at the moment, just as you care about yourself. Then respond to him gently and firmly.

For example, "Baby, I know you're not used to me rejecting you on this matter. I'm sorry, I know it will be difficult for you when I start to change myself. " etc

Third, finally, identify the challenges:

To understand how emotional neglect affects children, we should look at how emotional neglect affected ourselves at that time. According to "10 characteristics of people who are emotionally neglected", talk about:

1, emptiness-make up for it with good emotional connection

It comes from the lack of quality and quantity of emotional connection with parents in childhood. When children grow up, they will have long-term and high-quality emotional connections, and they will not feel empty as adults. Only what you have can be given to your children, so practice "changing your plan" and become a more accommodating, expressive and conscious person.

2. Anti-dependence-interdependence

Interdependence is the most ideal state of balance between people, which means that both sides have healthy and independent self-reliance ability, but some things will also depend on each other. When a child needs you, the more you are around, the more he can establish a balance of interdependence.

"Being around" means that you can have an emotional connection with your child, pay attention to your child, know when he needs help, and give appropriate feedback and help.

3. Unrealistic self-evaluation-strong and clear self-cognition.

Pay attention to children's natural likes and dislikes, their own advantages and disadvantages, write them down, give them constructive feedback, and let them internalize their true understanding of themselves. Accordingly, we practice various "forms of change", but help ourselves to sort out and summarize.

4. Don't feel sorry for yourself-sympathy

The "reverse golden rule" is used here: "Treat your children the way you want your former parents to treat you." When it is applied to children, it should be to observe children, react when they see that they are too harsh on themselves, and tell them that they have tried their best and should not vent their temper on themselves.

When the child internalizes some methods. The fourth principle of self-compassion, "building a loving and firm inner voice", also applies to children.

5. Guilt and shame-healthy self-acceptance.

Accept and acknowledge the child's emotions. After the practice of "changing watches", you can feel more comfortable and control your emotions. Now, try to tolerate children's feelings, even if you think they are redundant and wrong.

6, remorse-forgive

Forgiveness is the last step in self-pity. When a child makes a mistake, you can use the principle of sympathy to help him understand which part of the mistake is his own problem and which part is caused by other reasons.

This objective analysis made him understand how to deal with mistakes, how to correct them and not make them again. Then, help children forgive themselves and stop obsessing about it.

This can also teach him to get rid of it and take risks in a healthy way, while keeping his self-esteem and self-love intact.

7. Fatal flaw-cuteness

The fatal flaw is that children lack the positive feelings and attention of their parents. When we are asked if our parents love us, we will answer "I know they love me". This is the problem. I think they love me.

Therefore, we should learn how to convey care, warmth and enjoy the feeling of children's personality. It may be difficult for us, but when we face our inner truth, these shortcomings will not be transferred to our children!

8. Don't care-Give and care

"Care is a concern with temperature and must be presented together with care." If you notice that the child looks sad, give him a hug spontaneously. If you think he is unhappy, try to ask him if he is okay and what's the problem.

We need to get a general understanding of the child's feelings, and then help him understand his own feelings and express them in words. Accept and acknowledge his emotions, and he will feel cared for.

9. Lack of self-discipline-self-control

Organization has clear rules, and doing things has reasonable and foreseeable consequences. It is important to teach children these things. We should give them some rules to follow, which can be posted on the refrigerator and announced at the family meeting. But don't modify it for no reason. Children need to know what their parents expect of them.

10, alexithymia-knowing your emotions

1. Pay attention to and perceive children's feelings.

2. Try to feel the child's mood.

3. Express it to your child in words and teach him to express it in his own language.

4. Use vertical questioning skills to help children understand the reasons for these emotions.

5. Let emotions become a part of life and let children know the value and importance of emotions.