1. Children have high expectations and pursue perfection. People usually say that the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment. In order not to disappoint themselves, they can only keep putting pressure on their children. In this case, the child will cater to parents, teachers and even social evaluation to become an "excellent" child! Such Excellence often ignores the needs of children themselves. "Excellence" is a double-edged sword! When a child caters to his parents' expectations, he loses himself and his life is no longer comfortable and smooth! He can only hold on to the "Excellence" he paid so much for! Such an "excellent" child is simply a bomb! It will be detonated at any time, either hurting people or blowing itself up! According to statistics, 23% of mentally ill children in universities are recognized as "excellent" in junior and senior high schools.
2. When the child is dissatisfied with himself, despise and punish him. In fact, children feel guilty when they can't satisfy their parents. At this time, he needs the companionship, help and support of his parents' love most. Parents ignore their children's feelings and are dominated by their own emotions. They just think: you are my child, you have to give me face, you have to let me have face, you can't lose my face! Then use your own weird rules and frames to restrain the children. But children are often rebellious, and the more you care about them, the less you listen! Peng Yu's baby daughter just started playing games every day during a holiday and didn't go to bed until 12 at night. Mom, menstruation and grandma at home are impatient: what if I play computer every day and don't do my homework? Accusing the child, the child snorted in the air and remained the same. Peng Yu's return from that business trip just worried his wife. He entered his daughter's room: she turned around and called "Dad". He said: play computer, nothing, you play! Then he put his hand on his daughter's head and said half jokingly, Dad sent you some energy of love. Don't delay your play. Keep playing. Ten minutes later, he let go and said, well, I don't want to play. Go to bed early. Don't be exhausted! That night, my daughter went to bed at half past ten. Give children some space so that they can still get love in a state of guilt, and children will be obedient and responsible for themselves. When a child does something you are not so satisfied with and he knows it well, it is more important to accompany him silently and simply give him love and support!
It is a common problem for all parents to compare their children with others. Teacher Peng Yu said: When you put the shackles of "comparison" on your children, they will never be happy. He will learn from his parents little by little, use it to kill his confidence, and let himself be tortured by the painful result of it forever. Parents should believe that their children are excellent! Every child has his own Excellence! Don't strangle children's self-esteem with comparison!
4. Conditionally meet the needs of children. You can buy sneakers when you get the first place in the exam! When you enter the top five, we will travel as a family! Many parents regard this as a reasonable and enlightened reward and punishment measure for their children! As everyone knows, the subconscious message this brings to children is that they are loved only if they meet their parents' standards. Then children will pay the price of losing themselves in order to get the love of their parents! Teacher Peng Yu has never had any requirements for her daughter's study, and even joked: "Don't have a few before the exam, and it will be troublesome for a few to be stared at by the teacher before the exam!" But there are
The second daughter won the third place in the exam, but she was still very happy. She said to her father: Dad, treat me to KFC today! The father said: ok! But dad didn't invite you because you were the third. Dad loves you, even if you want to eat KFC, dad will invite you! The child said impatiently, OK, OK, I know. How is your heart? Needless to say, she is happy!
5. Parents are not the most willing to scold their children, but the most willing to teach them! Teaching is something that every parent is particularly keen on. Some people feel their majesty from teaching, while others feel the pleasure of conquest. Whether the child is convinced by mouth or heart! However, the best teaching is "teaching without words". It is wrong to criticize children, either making them lose self-confidence or self-esteem.
6. Predicting the uselessness of children Predicting the uselessness of children has two consequences. First, the more you say that he is worthless, the more worthless he is, completely losing his fighting spirit and learning ability, and finally realizing your prediction! Another kind of child, the more you say that he is worthless, the more he has to prove that he is promising, but if he lives in "proof" all his life, he will lose himself and lose his wisdom and happiness in life. There is a girl who grew up in the countryside. She has a brother up there. Since childhood, my parents have favored my brother and decided that he is more promising than her. She was wronged and unconvinced. Therefore, if you are self-motivated, you must try your best to show your parents if she can compete with your brother. Later, she did better than her brother in the exam, went to college, got a good job and got married. But because it takes a lot of time and energy to prove to parents, the husband can't bear it anymore and wants to divorce her. ...
7. Making choices instead of children There are three stages of children's psychological independence, namely, 3 years old, 9 years old, 12 years old. Children eat by themselves, parents should care and not interfere. Don't say eat all your clothes. Let me feed them! Or what clothes the child wants to wear, you have to choose for him! It is also unwise to quietly sign up for piano classes for children. Parents are always manipulating their children with their own brains, ignoring the process of substitution, which is the process of depriving children of growth. When you deprive your child of some aspect of growth, the child loses some ability.
8. Restrict children from doing what they want. Parents like to say: don't do this, don't do that! However, the child's nature is that the less you want me to do this, the more I want it!
9. Always worry that children don't think that children have control ability, and don't think that children can actually! So-the best way for you to get unwanted results is to worry! You are worried about puppy love, and children will definitely fall in love; You are worried about your child's internet addiction, and your child must be addicted to it! A mother warned her child when she passed an Internet cafe when she was still in the first grade of primary school: Look, this is the Internet cafe. Many children go bad as soon as they go in. You can't go in! Day after day, at first, the child didn't understand, but he was curious. Finally, one day, the child couldn't help walking into this Internet cafe. Later, the child was addicted to the internet! Whether children are confident or not depends on parents' attitude towards their children.
10. The root of not believing in children is that parents don't believe in themselves. When the child says to his mother, it's okay, I'm doing my homework at home alone, so go and get busy! As soon as the mother closed the door, she thought, the child must be playing computer at home! This kind of reaction will make children feel that their parents don't trust me, like me and respect me! Don't believe that children are destroying their self-esteem. Parents always strive to train their children in the direction of success and devote themselves to training their children into "talents", ignoring the problem that children should be "adults" first. As a result, there are more and more problem children. Teacher Peng Yu believes that the process of parents educating their children is to adjust their children's state to calm and joy, and the state of calm and joy is love! The process of educating children is also a process of broadening your mind! It is easy to change a child. You "accommodate" a child and the child will "change"! A little change of parents has a great influence on children.