The form of single-parent family has existed since ancient times, but the concept of single-parent family was put forward because of the investigation of contemporary marriage reality in European and American countries: the divorce peak in European and American countries in the 1960 s and 1970 s led to a large number of divorced single-parent families. Since the reform and opening up in China, due to the rapid increase of divorce rate, the proportion of divorced single-parent families has gradually increased, which has caused a series of problems such as the psychological state, physical problems and living conditions of single-parent parents, the psychological growth and education of children in single-parent families, and has attracted more and more attention from sociologists, mental health scientists and the government.
After the divorce, Dachuan's mother lived with her children. People may think that the mother-child relationship will be closer, but in fact, less than 50% of mothers can maintain a harmonious mother-child relationship before divorce. More importantly, the relationship between mother and child has deteriorated with time. I hope divorced parents will pay more attention to this problem.
Some people think that children's life will be obviously improved when they enter the reorganized family. As a member of the reorganized family, it is inevitable to have more brothers and sisters and more relatives in the single-parent family and to have a complete family again. Unfortunately, however, other problems faced by children offset this superiority. For single parents, remarriage will bring new hope for love and happiness, while for children, the same thing will induce their sadness, anger and even rebellion. Some surveys also show that children who have reorganized their families will feel more lonely, lonely and helpless. At the same time, parents spend much less energy and time on their children than family of origin or even single-parent families. These parents seldom participate in school activities and can't help the school to educate their children together.
The number of single mothers has always been higher than that of single fathers. However, with the development of society, the proportion of single fathers is gradually increasing. In the United States, almost all fathers did not participate in the delivery of children more than 30 years ago, but now more than 90% of fathers have witnessed the birth of children, which helps men to have a deeper understanding and understanding of how to be fathers, and they will spend more time taking care of their children. Teacher Hao Bin, a famous psychologist, thinks that parents should pay more attention to their children's mental health and seek suitable educational methods according to their personality characteristics, so as to prevent "simple and rude" and "excessive doting". It is necessary to find problems early and seek professional help to solve them in time. Don't let psychological problems seriously affect children's life and study, and ultimately affect their lifelong happiness.
Edit this paragraph
trait
1, a single-parent family refers to a family where at least one child lives with a single parent. Another definition from the perspective of family economic evaluation is:
"Single-parent family" is a kind of income unit, in which only biological parents or adoptive parents take their dependent children to school or preschool. 2. The so-called single-parent family refers to a family composed of children and one of them due to divorce, death of one spouse and separation of husband and wife. Among all single-parent families, divorced single-parent families do the most harm to children.
The so-called "single-parent family" refers to a family that is widowed, divorced, separated or has incomplete members who form the main body of the family. Children raised by their mothers or fathers are children of single-parent families. In recent years, with the appearance of divorce, the number of new college students from single-parent families has increased year by year.
4. The so-called single-parent family refers to a single-parent (mother) family that has no husband but may have children under the age of 18. The proportion of single-parent families varies among different ethnic groups. In new york, for example, the proportion of Asian single-parent families is only 4.
5. Single-parent family refers to a family composed of only mother (or father) and unmarried children. Since the early 1990s, a large number of single-parent families have appeared in Russia, accounting for 13.4% of the total number of families. The main body of single-parent families is families composed of single mothers and their children, accounting for 94% of the total number of single-parent families.
Edit this paragraph
Educational method
1. Tell the children the fact that their parents are divorced calmly and encourage them to face the reality bravely.
In order to do this, single-parent families first need the party who lives with their children to accept the reality of divorce calmly. So you can face your child calmly and tell him that you are going to start a new life.
This kind of life will be a little different from the original, and you need to make some adjustments to adapt; You will encounter some difficulties and need your joint efforts to overcome them. But no matter what happens, mom and dad still love you as always and will never change.
2. Give children a sense of security and don't use children as a weapon to retaliate against each other.
The biggest blow to children from parents' divorce is a sense of insecurity. Therefore, it is very important for children to know that although their parents are divorced, they will never lose their love for their parents. Let him feel that although he only lives with his parents, his life is as safe and stable as before, and there is nothing to worry about. To do this, it needs the cooperation of both parents, which is very difficult for most divorced couples. You may not want to cooperate with someone who may cause you a lot of pain, but you can't transfer your gratitude and resentment to your children.
After all, both sides are the children's biological parents, and the affection between them cannot be erased. If hatred is imposed on children, it will not only bring great psychological pressure to children, but also make them lose love when they grow up. Therefore, you need to be rational and tolerant of those who have hurt you. Parents who raise children should allow their children to contact each other, and parents who don't raise children should visit their children more, so that children can feel that although their parents are not together, their love for themselves has not changed.
3. In a single-parent family, mother and son (father and son) should be independent in dependence.
Two generations in a single-parent family are often too close emotionally, which is a natural emotional alliance, but excessive emotional dependence is easy to produce negative effects. Therefore, it is the wisest choice for single-parent families to let their children and themselves have the psychological awareness and ability to live independently.
Edit this paragraph
Wrong idea
Too many emotional cues
Many parents of single-parent children always blame all kinds of contradictions and problems in their children's growth on the incompleteness of their families, and convey the abnormal thoughts of single-parent families to their children, so that they also think that they are abnormal. For example, some parents often say that "it is pitiful for children to lack fatherly love (or maternal love)", which casts a shadow over their hearts. In fact, families where parents often quarrel have a great influence on children's growth. Parents are often not around, which does not affect the healthy and happy growth of children. It is also a normal social phenomenon that children understand single-parent families.
Blind rejection of each other
Many couples are reluctant to let the other party contact their children with their children after divorce, and some even simply move to places where the other party can't find them, so that the children can't see their parents. Some consciously belittle each other and instill hostility in their children. For example, if your father has no education, he certainly has no future. Children who listen too much will reject each other psychologically, which is an important reason why many children from single-parent families deviate from the normal track.
Too fond of children.
Spoiling is a common problem in many families, especially single-parent families. They always feel that the husband and wife are divorced and sorry for the children. Therefore, any request of a child, whether spiritual or material, is unconditionally satisfied. Children can always be satisfied, and his ability to resist setbacks is not exercised, which is easy to form personality shortcomings such as loneliness, arrogance, willfulness and selfishness. [ 1]
Edit this paragraph
Three Misunderstandings in Single-parent Family Education
In view of the personality weakness of children in single-parent families, experts say that this is directly related to the improper educational methods of single-parent families. In order to make children have a healthy and good attitude, parents should first correct their attitude and avoid falling into three misunderstandings.
One of the misunderstandings: too many emotional hints.
Many parents of single-parent children always attribute all kinds of contradictions and problems in the process of their children's growth to the incompleteness of their families, and pass on the abnormal thoughts of single-parent families to their children, making them think they are abnormal. For example, some parents often say that "it is pitiful for children to lack fatherly love (or maternal love)", which casts a shadow over their hearts. In fact, families where parents often quarrel have a great influence on children's growth. Parents are often not around, which does not affect the healthy and happy growth of children. It is also a normal social phenomenon that children understand single-parent families.
Myth 2: Blind rejection of each other.
Many couples are reluctant to let the other party contact their children with their children after divorce, and some even simply move to places where the other party can't find them, so that the children can't see their parents. Some consciously belittle each other and instill hostility in their children. For example, if your father has no education, he certainly has no future. Children who listen too much will reject each other psychologically, which is an important reason why many children from single-parent families deviate from the normal track.
Myth 3: Overindulgence of children.
Spoiling is a common problem in many families, especially single-parent families. They always feel that the husband and wife are divorced and sorry for the children. Therefore, any request of a child, whether spiritual or material, is unconditionally satisfied. Children can always be satisfied, and his ability to resist setbacks is not exercised, which is easy to form personality shortcomings such as loneliness, arrogance, willfulness and selfishness.
In short, the principles of education for children from single-parent families are honesty, communication and encouragement. Parents and teachers should not avoid talking about marriage and family, but let their children know that divorce and marriage are very normal things in social life, and communication will make teachers understand their inner emotional needs. A concerned look and a word of comfort and encouragement may change his life [2].
Edit this paragraph
Pay attention to the mental health of children from defective families
[3] A defective family is different from a family with both parents. Compared with children from two-parent families, children from families without parents have something in common, while children from single-parent families have different characteristics. Therefore, in addition to the general education methods, some special measures and methods should be taken to educate the children of poor families. Children from families with educational deficiencies should pay attention to the following points:
(1) Give your child full caress. Family relatives and kindergarten teachers should give more love to children from defective families to compensate for their lost love, heal their mental trauma and make them healthy physically and mentally. Parents' love for their children is sincere and unparalleled, which can give them unlimited strength. However, since a child with a broken family has lost this kind of love to varying degrees, the love of other relatives, teachers and companions can also make up for it to some extent and become the driving force to encourage children to move forward on the road of life.
(two) to meet the material requirements of children. Even if the family economic conditions of the disabled are poor, we should try our best to care about their children's lives and create necessary material living conditions for them so that their material living standards are not much different from those of ordinary families with both parents. If it is a little worse, we should try our best to explain the truth to our children, eliminate their inferiority complex and let them treat it correctly.
(3) Guide children to actively participate in collective social activities. Children who have lost their families are often depressed, introverted and unsociable because of misfortune. Therefore, parents and teachers should pay special attention to guiding them to participate in collective social activities in order to cultivate their positive emotions and good character.
(four) to cultivate children's interests in many aspects and certain specialties, and encourage children to actively become talents. Children with broken families are often depressed because of psychological trauma, and parents should try their best to transfer their negative emotions. A better way is to cultivate their interests or specialties. For example, learn musical instruments, or learn to sing and draw, and encourage them to work hard and make achievements. In this way, children will have hobbies and goals in life, their mood will be optimistic, and their personality will be strengthened through activities, and they will get rid of negative and pessimistic emotions.
(5) Divorced families should achieve "civilized divorce". After divorce, both parents should continue to take care of their children. Nowadays, many divorced parents have quarreled and turned against each other before divorce, and continue to hate each other and not communicate with each other after divorce, which makes their children miserable. How to minimize the mental trauma caused by divorce to the next generation is a problem that needs to be studied. American psychologist Posnott put forward such a proposition in the book Parents and Children: "Although divorced parents are no longer husband and wife, the best way is to continue to be parents of children." This means that although the husband and wife have divorced, the relationship between parents and children still exists, and parents should still care about their children and think about their happiness. If both parents can really think about their children, they can not only continue to care about their children after divorce, but also should not vilify and hate each other before divorce. So as not to stab the child's heart.
Edit this paragraph
Six ways to consolidate single-parent families
1. Always express praise and encouragement. Pay attention to praise each other in life and don't criticize each other. Single parent family. Have fun with the children. Let the children say three things they like best and want most from their parents. Children usually want their parents to say "I love you", "You can stay up late", "Let's go to McDonald's" and so on.
3. Seize every opportunity to stimulate children's self-esteem.
4. Cultivate children's diversified values, hobbies and so on. Reduce disputes within the family and don't force the consistency of family members.
5. Teach everyone the skills of listening. When communicating with your child, let him speak 10 minutes, no matter right or wrong, don't criticize him, and cultivate your child to be sure that you are listening. Then, you close your eyes and think about all this, and then communicate with your child.
6. Children will inevitably disagree with you on issues such as feelings and employment. Let the children tell their reasons. If communication doesn't work, put it on hold for a few days and try again. Don't avoid outside help. Your friends and counselors can provide you with ways to overcome family obstacles.
Seeking advice as soon as possible rather than afterwards is helpful to solve family conflicts faster and more conveniently.
In short, single-parent children have been hit hard, and parents should give their children more love.
Edit this paragraph
Matters needing attention
1. Parents of single-parent families should patiently explain to their children why their families are incomplete.
Nowadays, there are many divorced parents who want to avoid unpleasant emotions and are unwilling to explain the reasons for divorce to their children. However, in the interaction between children and others, they often have to deal with some inquiries about this. Children are often at a loss because they are not psychologically prepared. So single parents
Parents of single-parent families should calmly, sincerely, patiently and confidently explain the reasons for their divorce according to their children's personality, age and other factors, teach their children to deal with various related inquiries and protect their self-confidence. Second, parents of single-parent families should not be careless about their children's upbringing, and must pay attention to scientific parenting methods.
First of all, be careful not to overprotect. After the death or divorce of a spouse, parents often pour all their feelings and love into their children and take good care of them. Children, on the other hand, don't have to worry about their living arrangements and academic plans. Everything is decided by their parents. Over time, children's dependence will increase. Children who grow up in this environment are fragile, dependent and lack independent opinions and consciousness. Once they leave their parents, they are at a loss.
Second, avoid expecting too much. Without a spouse, many parents regard their children as their only spiritual sustenance. Children with high hopes are often under too much pressure and have a heavy psychological burden. Some people with poor psychological quality can't stand this kind of pressure, just go to the opposite side, don't strive for progress, and even "break the jar." This kind of intentional or unintentional behavior is to let parents lower their hopes and let them catch their breath. Other children may be able to make persistent efforts and not disappoint their parents, but the potential psychological damage caused by long-term overload cannot be ignored. Once one day exceeds the endurance limit, it is likely to collapse and the result will be even worse.
Third, because social tolerance and personal accomplishment have not reached a considerable level, single-parent children may have to bear discrimination, prejudice and ridicule from the living and learning environment.
As a result, many single-parent children become introverted, depressed, inferior and even withdrawn. Therefore, parents should not only communicate with their children more, but also pay attention to helping them enrich their lives. Because of the incomplete family structure and monotonous life, children in single-parent families are prone to feel spiritual emptiness and loneliness. So as their parents, no matter how busy they are every day, they should take time out to spend more time with their children. Chat with children, have fun together, or help children solve some learning problems. In addition, it can also help children make more friends, let children invite friends to play at home, make up for the lack of affection, and let children grow up healthily physically and mentally.
Fourth, parents of single-parent families should attach importance to the education of their children's healthy personality.
Father and mother play an irreplaceable role in the formation of children's personality. Without fatherly love, children will form a so-called yin-biased personality, that is, cowardice, sentimentality, inferiority, lack of perseverance and weak determination. Without maternal love, children will form a so-called yang personality, that is, withdrawn, indifferent, lacking in love and compassion, insecure and narrow-minded. Therefore, parents of single-parent families should pay special attention to make up for the negative impact of their children's lack of fatherly love or maternal love. For example, for children who lack paternal love, mothers should strengthen their personality education in independence, independence, courage and decisiveness, let them watch more movies and books about the excellent qualities of men, and consciously let them contact some mature, confident and responsible adult men, such as teachers and male colleagues, to avoid the above-mentioned biased personality. In addition, there is the problem of role education that cannot be ignored. In the process of teenagers' psychological growth, the study of gender roles is an important link. Therefore, in single-parent families, parents should pay attention to mobilizing gender resources among relatives and friends and give their children due and appropriate influence. In order to ensure the masculinity of boys and the feminine beauty of girls, so as not to cause psychological and behavioral deviations in gender roles. [3]
Edit this paragraph
Seven psychological problems of children in single-parent families
(1) Autism
The breakdown of the family seems to be a "natural disaster". For young children, they lack the necessary psychological preparation, so they are hit harder than their parents. Moreover, children are more sensitive and vulnerable than adults. They don't have the ability to adjust their psychology, and it is difficult to face the harsh reality of family breakdown for a while, so they will feel at a loss and depressed. Children know how to compare. They will compare their present with the past and feel that their situation is much worse than before. They will compare themselves with children from healthy families and feel that they don't add other people's children, which will breed inferiority complex, become timid, lack self-confidence, lack enterprising and positive spirit, and also feel that they are not as good as other people's children.
These children are depressed because they are alienated from their parents, unwilling to get in touch with others, and often show symptoms of being nervous about the people around them. They always suspect that others will talk about their family's defects and their parents' divorce behind their backs. They think that others look down on themselves and are unwilling to open their hearts to others, so they are self-enclosed and unwilling to go out to deal with people, showing lonely and introverted personality characteristics.
(2) Inferiority
Because they have been living in a complete family, facing the sudden breakdown of the family, children can't accept the reality in front of them and can't adapt to the environment without a father or mother. Children are psychologically immature and can't understand their parents' lives, let alone their difficulties. Young minds are fragile and sensitive, and have no ability of self-adjustment. Once hit, you will be at a loss, at a loss.
Children are most likely to think of their past lives when they see their peers playing happily with their parents. It's not what it used to be. Their inner sadness and loss make them feel depressed and inferior. Children can't find their own happiness, and they can't see where their happiness is, so they refuse to be happy and are immersed in anxiety and sadness.
At the same time, children are the most sensitive at this time. Faced with the concern of peers and society, they will care too much and even misunderstand. Over time, they will leave the crowd and enter a self-enclosed and lonely space, which will lead to great obstacles in personality communication. In the long run, they will have mental illness.
(3) remorse
Self-reproach is manifested in the low evaluation of personal ability and quality, which leads to self-reproach, inferiority and self-degradation. All disappointments are attributed to their own shortcomings, and they tend to be afraid of what they have done. Children in single-parent families have a strong sense of inferiority. They feel inferior and pessimistic.
Because of their low evaluation of themselves, they attribute their failure in work and study to their incompetence, which leads to negative emotional experiences such as anxiety, guilt and disappointment, leading to their overall psychological imbalance.
Over time, they lose confidence in themselves, and even for those tasks that can be completed with a little effort, they often give up easily because of incompetence. Many children from single-parent families always feel bad after being criticized. When others laugh at themselves, they always think they have done something wrong.
anxious
Anxiety about others is an index to examine the degree of premonition of difficulties and failures when contacting others. In the process of parents' divorce, children from single-parent families saw the mutual attacks between people, learned to bargain and learned to be hostile to each other. Therefore, they lack self-confidence in interpersonal communication, and it is easy for guardians to bring this emotion into the communication with children because of the lack of family. Children live in fear, spend a lot of time dealing with family relationships after family breakdown, and feel anxious and insecure about interpersonal communication.
Therefore, they feel uneasy and sensitive in front of everyone. When making friends, they are always afraid that others will speak ill of them. They are always unhappy with what others say, and they show retreat and anxiety in their relationship with others.
(5) Depression
Because of the split of parents, it will inevitably bring family smoke or cold war. Children live in a depressed space for a long time and are always worried about the relationship between their parents. Even children in some families have become punching bags for parents to vent their anger and anger. Children are in fear and worry all day and feel insecure. They are always worried and afraid of a civil war, which will tear them to pieces completely. Such long-term life torture, it is easy for children to produce fear and hostility, always keep a distance from their peers, have a strong sense of self-protection, and produce strong hostility. Children in single-parent families often feel depressed, depressed and fidgety, and there is nowhere to solve their psychological problems.
Because it is suppressed for too long, once it breaks out, the greater the energy, it is easy to produce extreme behavior. This tendency is manifested in girls wanting to cry or running away from home, while in some boys it is manifested in aggressive behavior. [4]
(6) jealousy
Generally speaking, children from single-parent families do not enjoy as much as children from healthy families, both materially and spiritually, which is exactly what every child desires. Because what children from healthy families can get is not easy for children from single-parent families, their psychology can easily change from initial envy to jealousy and monk hatred. Psychologically, they will show a special attachment to their parents, hoping to get double returns from them. In terms of material enjoyment, if they can't treat this gap correctly and think that what others can get should be their own, it will easily lead to crimes such as theft.
(7) rebellion
Children from single-parent families are vulnerable to ridicule and bullying by other children because of their low status in the "children's circle". But they are also eager for strict cars and appreciation, so they deliberately show their differences in words and deeds, and sometimes even like to "stand up" to show their existence value.
So it's best not to live with children without parents.