When it comes to doting, the scene that comes to our mind is usually that children keep shouting "I want it, I want it, I want it!" " "Mom and Dad, grandparents are scrambling to answer" I give it to me, give it to me ". Or, children don't want to eat, and parents are chasing after them; When the child fell, the parents rushed to help. The children's room is full of books, building blocks, colored mud, brushes, cars, dolls and pianos ... How do parents overcome their baby's "invisible pampering"? In fact, as "modern" parents, we may have been insulated from this "primary" doting. We know that children are children, not pets, and we don't want to cultivate "little ancestors" for ourselves and convey "little emperors" to society. However, even with such a clear understanding, it is still difficult for us to avoid giving our children too much love and attention unconsciously and being ambushed by "invisible connivance". There are two main reasons for implicit connivance: (1) by-products of "perfect mother": early satisfaction, proper protection and flexible rules. From the day the child was born, we made a promise to be a perfect mother in our hearts. We try our best to know everything about the child and try our best to protect him from any harm, so we are ready for everything except the east wind that the baby will carry out. 1, meet in advance. We have come into contact with many educational ideas, so we have a formed list in our hearts: from bed bells to books, from Teletubbies to Hong En English, from Montessori puzzles to complete sets of roller equipment, from tumblers to aquariums. In short, as long as it can stimulate the senses, stimulate the potential and cultivate the sentiment, we will bring it to the children. So we are sometimes surprised that my children are excellent and have almost no requirements. In fact, it's not that the children don't ask for it, but that we have satisfied the children before they know the requirements. At the same time, "you are happy and I am happy." When we satisfy our children, we gain great physical and mental pleasure. 2. Appropriate protection. Our protection of children has touched the soul from the body. Besides preventing them from falling, falling out of bed and drowning, we are more concerned about how to help them avoid stress, responsibility and adversity. The child will never finish the puzzle, and we are worried that he will be frustrated, so we have been comforting and saying, "This is too difficult, you are already great"; If a child is not the best among children, we will create an opportunity to "foster strengths and avoid weaknesses" and give him a sense of accomplishment. We are worried about the scars left by his young mind, so we try to smooth out the rough ones. 3. Flexibility rules. At home, we are the most humane leaders in the world. When the children were young, our family was left unattended. Children grow up, but there is always too much room for manoeuvre when they do something wrong. We hardly realize that our practice is tantamount to connivance, but it is more hidden and seems more reasonable under the cover of the good wish of "making children happy", but it is this invisible connivance that deprives children of the opportunity and ability to bear and face. (2) The guilt of busy parents unconsciously becomes spoiled. Today's parents seem to have more reason to spoil their children than at any time in history. 1, we are too late to have children. At the same time, we have accumulated more and more material conditions for our children. As a result, this crystallization after full planning and grand waiting will be loved by thousands of people as soon as it is born. Because mom and dad are willing and qualified to spend more money and energy on this unique but late crystallization. 2. We can give our children less and less time, so the faint guilt in our hearts makes all love seem natural. In order to make the rare parent-child time harmonious, we often meet the children's requirements, tolerate their stubbornness and ignore their problems. Who told us not to be with him all the time in the first few years of our lives? We care too much about the child's image, so we will try our best to please him. I am afraid that harsh, harsh and even mean words will touch us, and I am afraid that other people's parents will be more perfect and lovely in the eyes of their children. Therefore, we just turn a blind eye to some unremarkable problems. If your child meets the following performance, you should pay attention! This is a child's coquetry! 1. Your child cries or flies into a rage until he succeeds. It is common for two or three-year-old children to lose their temper, but if children continue to do so when they are five or six years old, parents should pay attention, because children have found this trick very effective. 2. It is difficult for your children to make friends, or they can't play with other children. Your child will always be satisfied, which will make him unable to accommodate others, which will lead to him becoming an unwelcome person. When your child is three years old, you should start to pay attention to whether he can cooperate and share well with others and develop other social relations skills. Listen to what he says about his friends. The room is full of toys, but he wants more. If so, you are telling the child that he can get something for nothing. Your child is a chubby child or has a chubby belly. This body problem may have nothing to do with you, but it is also likely to be caused by your behavior. Besides consulting a pediatrician, you should also reflect on yourself. Did you give him too much canned food, puffed food and other foods that are not good for his health but can satisfy his appetite? Your child wants you to do what he can do, but you didn't arrange for him to do it. Parents often underestimate their children's executive ability to measure what they are doing now and whether their children's abilities can be fully achieved. Being alert and overcoming invisible connivance is a test that parents have to face every day. What should we do when the enemy is wearing an invisibility cloak? Let's look at the solution. Although it is difficult to draw boundaries for children, it is one of the important ways for you to truly love them. Setting clear discipline and boundaries, commonly known as "establishing rules", is a common but difficult strategy to prevent doting, which means that parents should formulate and adhere to principles and teach their children how to withstand rejection and frustration. But in the long run, if clear boundaries and consistent handling principles can be maintained, children can gain a sense of security from them. 2. Control your desire for protection and cultivate your child's ability and self-confidence to deal with problems independently. Be careful that your love will suffocate the child. What we should really do is to encourage children's behavior when they show their desire for independence, so that they can gradually master the skills and self-confidence of dealing with problems independently. Don't let children escape punishment, which is a necessary condition for children to learn and grow. As the child grows up, we should make him realize the consequences of his behavior mistakes. Although children may be injured, bleeding or depressed for a while in this process, it is a rare opportunity for them to learn and grow. There is no need to meet all his requirements at once. We can try our best to delay the satisfaction of children, and don't meet the needs as soon as they are put forward. We also need to put an end to the behavior of reaching a compromise by meeting the requirements after doing something that makes children dissatisfied. 5. Let him see responsibility from housework. Responsibility is not innate, but a virtue to be learned. Housework will be a good set of enlightenment lessons, which can help children understand that nothing belongs to him for granted.