It was a morning more than ten years ago. I made breakfast for my family: soybean milk, eggs and steamed bread. After the whole family had eaten, I said to my husband, "Wash the soymilk machine." I have no idea what happened that day. My husband had a bad attitude at that time and suddenly went over and said, "Who told you to squeeze?" You squeeze, you wash! "I heard that, my mood suddenly became very bad, tears flowed down involuntarily, and I felt very wronged. I replied, "I can't live this life. Divorce if you don't want to live! " "My husband didn't say anything and went out to work. My daughter came over and begged me, "What should I do if you get divorced?" Looking at her innocent and bewildered expression, my heart is full of ups and downs. Sad and indecisive.
Although it has been more than ten years, now that I think about it, it's actually no big deal. What my husband said at that time may have been inadvertently said in a bad mood that day, and it didn't make much sense to say it.
Once a person has children, divorce is no longer a matter between husband and wife, but also affects young, ignorant and naive children. Before divorce, parents should first take care of their children's feelings and not be too selfish. Both husband and wife must take a cautious attitude, look ahead and look back, weigh the pros and cons, make overall plans and think twice before acting. If you act rashly, you will regret it. In particular, it will bring a lot of troubles and problems to children.
The turmoil and disintegration of the relationship between husband and wife began when the children went to primary school. The vast majority of couples divorced during 6- 16 after marriage, and the children were still in the period from primary school to high school, which was a minor stage.
Children of this age are in the period of physical and mental growth and development, and their ability to survive and live independently is still relatively poor. They are not yet independent and rely heavily on their parents and families.
In a family, parental discord is the biggest harm to children's body and mind, which is bigger and more secret than divorce.
Teacher Zhao Zhongxin wrote: "Parents are children's umbrellas and families are children's safe havens. Parents turn against each other, conflict, separation, divorce, family life turmoil, loss of peace and warmth, destruction of the complete structure, loss of dependence and security for children, and spiritual injury and innocent blow. Some people say that parents' divorce is second only to the death of relatives. Many children from divorced families often become self-abased, withdrawn, depressed, indifferent, irritable, and prone to outbursts, and some children also have mental illness. A very small number of teenagers have embarked on the road of illegal crimes, which is directly related to the divorce of their parents. "
As the saying goes, "everything goes well at home." There is also a proverb in our local countryside: "God is at home." Every family is inhabited by immortals, such as the kitchen god and the god of wealth. If the relationship between family members is harmonious and stable, the family atmosphere is harmonious and harmonious, and the fairy is comfortable and stable, it will also bring good luck and blessings to this family.
Bi Shumin said, "A good relationship, like a can of fresh milk, is rich in fragrance and nutrition, and can nourish life from infancy to health." "If it is a bad relationship, it is good to have weeds and mosquitoes. I am most afraid of poisonous snakes and Ebola virus, which will hurt my life. "
Children living in a stable and harmonious family feel happy, safe, comfortable, optimistic and carefree, and can develop healthily and thrive. If the chickens and dogs are restless, there are constant wars at home, and the family is unstable, disharmonious or even disintegrated, then the children will be hurt first. Parents should be responsible for their children when they give birth, and have the responsibility and obligation to create a harmonious and warm living environment conducive to their healthy growth.
Husband and wife come from different families, and their personalities, habits and hobbies are very different. It is inevitable that some problems and frictions will occur.
There is a couple, since the birth of the child, the couple often have conflicts. They abused each other and started fighting. The civil war is escalating. On the Mid-Autumn Festival when the child was three years old, the husband and wife "cooperated with Qi Xin" and even smashed a color TV at home. In the long war years, children had nowhere to hide, and the toilet became a refuge for poor children. As soon as mom and dad quarrel, the child can't help going to the bathroom. Because of the endless quarrels between parents, the child has formed a withdrawn, fragile and timid character. He is afraid of meeting people, quarreling and even talking loudly, and often shakes all over for no reason.
Parents are always keen on quarreling, regardless of their children's life and study. When the children are about to enter high school, I can't bear to persuade them to stop arguing and say, "It's really annoying. I can't review my lessons because it's noisy all day. " You fight every day. What if I can't get into high school? "
The child's prayer did not get the understanding and sympathy of his parents at all, but what he got was a unanimous and cruel sentence from his parents: "If you don't pass the exam, you will die!" As a result, the child really committed suicide because he didn't get into high school. On the day of the funeral for the children, the two of them finally figured it out and sighed with regret: "If I had known that our disagreement would bring such serious consequences, I might as well break up earlier. Originally for the sake of children, but in the end it hurt children ... "
Bi Shumin wrote in "Home Question": "When a baby comes into the world, home is the pupal shell that wraps him."
Having a happy family often means having a happy childhood. In order to create a harmonious family atmosphere and provide children with a peaceful and warm growth environment and a happy childhood, I talk about the skills and methods of getting along with husband and wife in combination with my own reality.
1. Understand, respect, care and understand each other. It's best to put yourself in the shoes when things happen.
2. If something goes wrong, you should know how to understand and make concessions, and you should know how to tolerate and tolerate. Everyone is not perfect. They all have their own advantages and weaknesses. In life, they will inevitably make mistakes, say the wrong words and hurt each other. If possible, they will learn to be tolerant and forbearing, so that they will not be angry and will not have greater contradictions and conflicts.
Don't turn over old scores when husband and wife get along. In life, couples quarrel mostly because small things are too big to lift chopsticks. If we always turn over the past, talk about the past, don't let go of each other's mistakes, and don't forgive each other, then the problem will become more and more serious.
5. Learn not to care when things happen. There is a saying in The Little Prince: "Language is the root of misunderstanding." As my husband said in the above article, in fact, he didn't mean anything when he spoke, just casually said. I feel wronged and sad because I am too serious. If one ear goes in and the other goes out, it won't hurt you, and naturally there will be no quarrel.
6. Husband and wife should see more advantages of each other when they get along. Take my husband for example. Although he is lazy, he is not too worried about things at home. But he also has many advantages, such as: serious and responsible, and his work performance has been very good; Honest and enthusiastic, kind-hearted; Life is frugal and I don't spend money casually; Very filial to the four old people in the family; He never smokes or drinks, and his living habits are better. Once there is friction and contradiction between us, I will be less angry and quarrel a lot less when I think of his advantages.
The feeling of husband and wife getting along: "more than six" and "less than four". "More than six": understand each other more, care about each other more, respect each other more, see each other's advantages more, tolerate each other more; "Four Less": less misunderstanding, less calculation, less quarrel and less harm.
About the author: Zang Xiaoyun, female, 197 1 February, 49 years old, Aquarius, graduated from Northwest Normal University, engaged in English teaching in primary and secondary schools for 26 years, and likes reading and writing. Learn family education knowledge every day, hoping to help more parents and children.