Then he will think: Then if I do this kind of behavior more in the future, my mother will pay attention to me! At the same time, we should cultivate a good interest in learning. As the saying goes, interest is the best teacher. But interest is not innate and needs to be cultivated. How to cultivate children's study habits and interests should be actively encouraged and properly guided. In recent years, the voice of appreciation education is rising day by day. The so-called appreciation education, to put it bluntly, is to encourage education. In the process of learning, every achievement made by children, whether parents or teachers, should actively take various forms to give appropriate encouragement, so that children can get a sense of recognition and acceptance. When the water drops penetrate the stone and the amount accumulates to a certain extent, qualitative change will occur. Similarly, encouraging this booster to accumulate to a certain extent will also receive unexpected results. Children's interest in a certain problem and a certain subject is formed and developed in this kind of encouragement again and again. On the other hand, we should also see that children have a strong ability to accept new things, and everything in the world can arouse their interest. However, due to their lack of life experience, their ability to distinguish truth, goodness, beauty, falsehood and ugliness is limited, and their bad interest in learning and study habits will also take advantage of it. At this time, as parents or teachers, we should guide them appropriately and tell them what is right, what is wrong, what should be done and what should not be done. At the same time, we should also develop a good attitude.
Learning is a step-by-step process, and it is necessary to make progress from difficulties and from difficulties. It is normal to encounter difficulties in learning, and the key is to deal with them well. Some students like to challenge difficulties and feel great pleasure in overcoming them, thus forming their own interest in learning; Some students don't like the feeling of difficulty, so they can choose the method from easy to difficult in their study, and don't rush for success, so that they can have a sense of accomplishment at every step, which can also cultivate their interest in learning. Any subject has its fun and significance, but real learning also has a boring side. Study with patience and hard work. If you can do this, your academic performance will definitely improve. Good habits are gradually formed, and children's personalities are different. But the most important thing is that we have enough patience. Let the child know the importance of learning to him and how he can show his Excellence as a student. The child is strong. Now that the child is still young, it will be better to take it slowly. Parents: It's best not to put too much pressure on children, and be strict with them. I hope the children will be lucky. This is not good, just remind them once in a while. As for the interest in learning, he still has the final say, and others can't help it. Let me give you a word. Doctoral students are born to work for others. Have you found that most students who don't like learning have better organizational skills and language skills than others? Let it be. Poor study does not mean that they will not be talents in the future. Now the children are also very tired! Let him develop freely! Come on, parents ~ ~! Capturing children's hearts, parents should not be tyrants —— A dialogue on Zenglei Tang's equality thought
Me: It's time for parents to talk. Please raise your concerns.
Parents: Teacher Tang, you mentioned last time that parents and children should be equal. I think what our parents do is to establish an equal relationship with our children. When we do this, our children will feel it. They will listen to us.
Me: OK, good. Shall we discuss this issue today?
Parent: OK.
Me: Well, please tell me, how can parents be equal to their children? If everyone says we are equal, then we are equal. Can we really be equal?
Parents: I think I can be on an equal footing with my children except for principled things.
Me: Something of principle? What is a matter of principle?
Parents: It is especially important that parents want their children to achieve. In these respects, we are unequal.
Me: You mean some principles are unequal, but some are equal?
Parents: Yeah, right. For example, in study and homework, we must be equal to our children.
Me: We are equal academically, but what about life?
Parents: Life is equal, too. I, what I want to express, I, am not. ...
Me: Are you clear?
Parent: No, you can be a little aggressive sometimes.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. I asked slowly, what about life?
Parents: I mean, every family has its own principles, principles recognized by parents. If the child violates this principle, it is not allowed.
Me: OK, what you said just now is very good, so when every parent adopts a principle, do they think it is good for their children?
Parents: Yes! Yes
Me: Every parent must think so, but why are children taught so differently? Some children are even bad. Why?
Parent: Maybe, maybe …
Me: Parents think that good principles are not necessarily good for children's growth, right?
Parents: Yes!
Me: Well, that is to say, every parent's own principles may be right or wrong, right?
Parents: Yes.
Me: Well, can we put aside each of our ideas and discuss a better method that is recognized by everyone and suitable for more parents?
Parents: Well, ok!
Me: How can we be equal? Is it often that I really want to be equal to the other person and make him feel equal? We can discuss it, but on the contrary, the other party seems to have no feelings at all. So, why is this happening?
(Silence) ...
Parent: Why?
Me: Because sometimes, when we feel that we need equality, we give it to each other, and when we are unhappy, the other party can't get equality. What does "unhappy" mean here? What you just said touched the principle of "I", so I can't be equal to you. Do you think so?
Parents: That's right!
Me: OK, that is to say, we have given him equality on the premise of principle. Will this equality make him feel equal?
Parents: Hmm ... Yes! I thought the same thing.
Me: Well, when the other person follows your principles, you give him equality. When you find that he has violated your principles, you will not give him equality. Speaking of principles, you must be annoyed and angry. As long as you are angry, he will not be equal, right?
Parents: But what if there is no principle? !
Me: Good question! Not without principles. But why should this principle be yours, not his? Whose principle should it be?
Parents: ...
Me: The meaning of equality is not when you say equality, but when you want equality, he can feel equality. I want to ask, have you let the children know these truths?
Parent: Yes, it is.
Me: Well, how did you make it public?
Parents: I know my children so well!
Me: OK, good. If you are so clear, then you are a very enlightened parent! But there is still a problem. Do your children agree with your principles?
Parents: We have brought this to him since childhood.
Me: OK, can you give an example to illustrate your principle?
Parent: Well, all right. For example, last time, the child said to me, "Oh, why did you buy so many things for my grandfather?" I'll hit him in the mouth when I go up. I am absolutely not allowed to say such things! Grandparents gave mom and dad life, and they should.
Me: Well, you are a very filial person. But, please tell me, you just slapped him in the face. What is the principle basis? Is this child clear?
Parents: According to?
Me: Yes! Didn't you say it was based on principle? Only when he violates the principle will you punish him, right?
Parents: Well, that's right!
Me: Tell me, what principle did this sentence violate just now?
Parents: Just be filial to the elderly. As long as it is about grandparents, no matter right or wrong, it is all right. Because they are old people, we should do it unconditionally. This is what I ask of my children.
Me: OK, good. I want to keep asking, and the child asks, "Buy so many things?" Is this called unfilial?
Parents: I don't think ... as a child, it should be like this!
Me: Yes, but you think that if you think the child is unfilial, he will be beaten for it. Do children think so?
Parents: ...
Me: That is to say, many times we are still judging others with our own wishes or emotions. You think this is his unfilial. Actually, he may not be. Maybe he just said it was too tiring to carry these things, or it occupied too much land. He's just asking, but he'll get slapped for it, right?
Parent: Yeah. ...
Me: That is to say, many times our so-called equality and sincerity are based on our own preconditions. We have a precondition, and this precondition is often defined by ourselves, not by others, because when he did it, he felt that I was not unfilial and my grandparents were very close to me. I really want to give it to them, but sometimes I can't carry it and feel too much.
Parent: That's not true. I think as a parent, you can hear the tone of your child's voice.
Me: Well, good! Suppose he asks you a question: Why did you hit me? You call me unfilial, well, how can I be unfilial when I say this? How can you prove that I am unfilial? What can I do next time to avoid the problem of unfilial?
Parents: I think I will tell my children that as long as it involves things that are good for grandparents, don't think about it and do it. There is no trouble or trouble, or you are tired. As long as we are kind to the elderly, we should do it unconditionally.
Me: Unconditional is an unconditional you gave me. For example, he may think he sent too much this time. We'll go again in a few days. Why did you bring so much this time? Maybe that's all?
Parents: I don't think there should be!
Me: Well, that is to say, this is actually the problem, and I won't discuss it with children!
Parents: No discussion!
Me: Yes, I think you are unfilial, right?
Parents: Yes.
Me: But is this principle clear to children?
Parents: ...
Me: When we implement some principles, what are the criteria for judging these principles? Is the child clear? If the child is not clear, if you implement this principle, he will be at a loss. After one or two times, he will feel that he should not listen to it, because this principle is not up to me, but if you think I violate it, I will violate it, because there is nothing to discuss! Every communication has formed children's views on us. Your child is still young, for example, in the fifth grade of primary school? Some are already in junior high school, and some may be in high school. At this time, they have formed their views on their parents. Maybe everyone is really sincere or there is a gap ... how is the gap formed? Because you made the principle, you slapped me again, and finally I had to give in to this slap, not your principle, because I don't know your principle, and I don't think it violates it, but as long as you think I violated it, I violated it. Is this equality?
Parent: Well ... I don't think so.
Me: Well, when I mentioned it just now, why did I-you just mentioned a word: aggressive-maybe my tone of voice was not good enough.
Parent: Oh, Mr. Tang, please don't explain. I think this is a sincere communication. I don't need to explain, because I don't think it's easy to answer, so I said …
Me: I know, I'm talking about another thing. You see, in fact, I think I am equal, but I think I put pressure on you when I am equal, right? Similarly, each of us feels that we treat a person equally, but what the other person may feel is not equality at all, but a kind of pressure. What you are forcing him to do, especially when you don't know some principles, that is, when you need to understand them according to your own situation, then he feels that there is no such principle at all. What he may feel is that it is not good when you are angry, but it is good when you are not angry, that is, the other party will think that we are. Obviously, there is no such thing. When there is no equality, distrust will arise. I just can't open my heart to you because opening my heart will touch your principles. How do I know which words will touch your principles? So, to be on the safe side, I said nothing. In fact, the principle you just said is very good. Parents may not mention it, but everyone may have some principles in mind. These principles are unshakable. No one can forgive anyone who touches it. I will give you a punishment, even if it is a punishment, then the children will constantly change and remember because of your punishment, and constantly form a relationship with you. So in the end, it is formed between us and our children now.
Parents: Yes, that's right! But, Mr. Tang, what should we do?
Me: Well, if we want to communicate sincerely in the future-last time, you know, in the last discussion, we said that honest and sincere communication is the best way to improve efficiency, right? As long as I guess the right person, my energy will be spent elsewhere. For example, can I tell this to my mother, and will it touch her principles? Think about it, these principles seem-for a child, he can understand and think clearly about them, but they are usually quite difficult, right? Does this touch her principles? I don't know. Should I say it or not? If I say it, it is either right or good. If I'm wrong, it's a slap in the face or a reprimand. It doesn't matter if I don't say it. I'd better not say it. So the gap slowly came into being. Can the formulation of principles be like this? I just make a suggestion: this principle is not for us to decide. Let's decide with the children, shall we?
Parents: Good is good, but how to do it?
Me: We often feel very open-minded. How can an open person like me not change the facts? You can't blame anyone else. This must be your own fault Perhaps this principle is beneficial: what I said may be completely wrong. This is a basic premise of equality. If I'm right, it's not equal. If I'm right, the other person is wrong, either like me or wrong. Tell me how we are equal. It's that what I said may be wrong. This is the principle.
Parent: Well, that makes sense.
Me: For example, we can discuss with our children why we should make this principle. What would happen without it? Let's prove it, give some examples or something, right? If so, should we all abide by this principle? The child is sensible. If you respect him so much, he will respect you. Let him sign it if he wants, and I will abide by this principle. Then, the process of formulating principles itself is equal, not that I think you must abide by this, but that this process is a kind of power, just because you are a mother. Do you think there are other reasons? Do you really represent a truth and equality? No, you just slapped me. Can you beat me? I can't beat you. Only in this way can equality come from? So, we say that equality comes from every moment, that is, are you equal? If so, I will feel equal. If not, how can you say that you are equal? It's all nonsense. I don't listen at all, do I?
Parents: Well, that's great!
Me: Why don't we call it a day? Thank you for coming.