The quiet life was suddenly broken one day. Ah He, the youngest son, was bullied. He asked his brother Caitou for help. Unexpectedly, the vegetable head directly cut off the other's hand. Facing the judge's question in court, my father looked indifferent: "I hope he (Ahe) will be locked up until he dies!" " The father's consistent attitude towards this son is to ignore him. Every time a female student asks him how many sons he has, his answer is always "one".
His only son is A Hao, a typical "other people's child". My father will personally go to the cram school to send tuition to A Hao, and also give him his precious notebook, which is engraved with eight big characters: "Grasp the time, grasp the direction". These eight words are also his high hopes for A Hao. If Ah Hao is his "shame", then Ah Hao must be his proud hope. But it is such a smart and sensible child who is excellent in all aspects, but he chose to jump off a building to end his young life in one night.
Apart from Ahao's parents who collapsed in the play, I believe many viewers will feel incredible when they see this place. Why is this sensible child such a result? In fact, there are many children who are too sensible like A Hao in life, but sometimes being sensible comes from the labels given by others, and their growth has already been scarred. And all this stems from the high hopes of the family. ...
Today, we will discuss from the direction of family education why the more sensible children are, the more vulnerable they are. Mainly from the following three aspects:
1, love and expectation exceeding the weight will only become a straw to overwhelm children-don't strangle children with labels in the name of love.
2. Imperfection is the normal state of human beings. Accepting imperfection means accepting the real individual-every child has its own unique color, and parents should find it instead of turning it into their own color.
3. Tragedy stems from parents' neglect of children's self-awareness and true heart-entering children's heart is a key step to the success of education.
Overweight love and expectation will only become a straw to crush children-don't strangle children with the name and label of love.
Why did Ahao choose to end his life? In fact, the film gave the reason before he committed suicide. Almost everyone's evaluation of A Hao is a word "good". In Ah He's view, my brother is a very good person, always thinking of others, but others don't know what he is thinking. When his mother was worried about her sister-in-law's birth check-up, he quickly took on the heavy responsibility and took the initiative to help her solve the problem. Even before committing suicide, all the information in the mobile phone was deleted, the room was cleaned and the clothes were neatly stacked. Even if he ends his life, he doesn't want to cause trouble to others.
Just like the name of the movie, A Hao is a child who is full of sunshine for 24 hours. He is excellent, polite and sensible ... but it is these labels and expectations that are sensible in everyone's eyes that finally make him overwhelmed and choose to leave. No one can understand why such a good child has changed his temperament, but in their eyes, A Hao is actually a child who is surrounded by love and expectation and hides his true self.
A Hao once told female students another version of Sima Guang's smashing jar: Sima Guang picked up a stone and smashed it into the jar. There is a child hidden in the jar. He was stunned because the child in it was himself. Sima Guang in this story just reflects A Hao's true heart. In the sun, he is actually more eager to hide in the dark to protect himself.
Because everyone else has a shadow, he is not given too much love and expectation. Overweight love made him breathless. He has no choice but to be rational. So he finally chose the most extreme and free one.
Imperfection is the normal state of human beings. Accepting imperfection means accepting the real individual-every child has its own unique color, and parents should discover it instead of turning it into their own color.
Many children have been accused by their parents of disobedience and ignorance since childhood. Just like Ah Wo in the movie. In life, excellent and perfect "Ahao" are always the most popular with parents. But the so-called "thinking for children" urges children to become perfect and excellent. In fact, it forces children to hide their true self and live with the mask that parents expect to see.
In the film, my father gave A Hao a valuable book, but A Hao never opened it. He doesn't want to bear such love, and neither can he. If the father can perceive the burden on his son in time, then maybe he can prevent the ultimate tragedy. A Hao is just one of many children in society.
Every accusation, every request, every standard for children is more for the sake of children, okay? In fact, at this time, parents have tied their children to their own lives, trying to continue their expectations for their children. This result will only make children feel more pressure and anxiety, thus losing their original color.
Once they spend all their energy on how to play the role of "good boy" in the eyes of others, they have begun to get lost. Like A Hao, Li Wan in Dog Thirteen is also a child who keeps suppressing herself and tries to play a role. Will such a child be happy?
Everyone is an independent individual, there is no same individual and there is no perfect person. The meaning of life is to find yourself and be yourself, not to play a role. What parents need to do is to accept the truest child, including his strengths and weaknesses. Just like the blue sky, the bright moon and the dim sun ... every child has his own unique color. What parents should do is not to erase and repaint the color, but to help their children find their own colors and bloom brilliant colors.
Love is unconditional, and respecting children is the best love. Only in this way can we give full play to our potential and grow up bravely and happily. Dare to face imperfections and have a better chance to embrace yourself. In the sun, don't forget that children still need freedom.
Tragedy stems from parents' neglect of children's self-awareness and true heart-entering children's heart is a key step to the success of education.
In the movie, my father had a dream. He dreamed that A Hao said to himself, "I don't want to go with you. I want to go that way. " This sentence may be A Hao's true feelings relative to his father. The perfect child claimed by his father to be sensible and clever is actually not A Hao, nor is it Ah He. More like the perfect image he imagined in his mind.
He imposed such an image on A Hao, but the ignorant sunshine made A Hao want to hide in the dark. Did father do something wrong? Or is Hao wrong? In fact, there is nothing wrong. The mistake is that they both ignore each other's real wants. If my father can talk to A Hao as a friend, let A Hao speak his true thoughts instead of forcing him to grow up in his own image. Then A Hao may grow up like all ordinary big boys.
As children grow older, their three views will also develop and take shape. Education is not only the output of parents on the one hand, but also the input of both sides after understanding and understanding their children's ideas. The parent-child relationship without communication will only drift away. Entering the heart is a key step to the success of education.
I hope every child can grow up freely, happily and healthily in the sun!