When it comes to educational goals, parents may say that children should be brought up. Now, parents may say, I hope the child can be himself. How to make children become themselves? Teacher Li Chongjian once pointed out the myth of universal education in his speech. One of them is, do you allow children to be themselves? Do you allow children to have their own emotions? What do you do when your child is crying, angry and depressed?
Teacher Li Chongjian's case review:
I often see an adult facing his children. When a child is angry, adults often say to him, "Don't be so angry!" " "Don't be angry! Even told our children: "If you are angry again, Dad will be angry! It turns out that children can't be angry, but fathers can be angry. A child is so young that he grows up in such a nurturing environment.
Let's think about it. What kind of adult will he become if he is not allowed to know his emotions and denied his right to be angry?
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Children are fat in vain, so don't neglect the cultivation of emotions and minds.
There are several important stages in children's psychological development, and each stage is related to their future. From home to kindergarten, from kindergarten to primary school, the occasional or frequent crying of children may be the key to the mature development of children's minds. No matter at any stage, no one likes to see or hear children cry, but parents are more afraid of their children's psychological problems or deviant behaviors, but these may have been traced.
The relationship between husband and wife affects children's emotions and identity.
Before the age of 3, the child is still in the stage of mother-child interaction, commonly known as "mother is my day." Children aged 3 to 6 begin to realize that their father has joined (if God's teammates are awesome) and formally entered the ternary relationship of ordinary normal families. At this time, if the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious, the subsequent negative impact may occur in the stage of children's development and identity!
Educational scholars in Beijing point out that healthy psychological development should be like this. Whether it's a boy or a girl, my mother has grown up little by little. If I find that my father loves my mother very much, the boy will plant a seed in his heart: "I want to be like my father and marry a woman like my mother to love me in the future"; And girls will plant a seed in their hearts: I want to be as attractive as my mother and marry a good man like my father in the future. 」
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Scholars say that the process from a little boy's attachment to his mother to identification with his father, and from a little girl's worship to her expectation of becoming a woman like her mother is based on a good relationship between husband and wife, which reflects the child's imagination of the future like a mirror, which is a healthy development of identification. On the other hand, if the relationship between husband and wife is unstable, if children see their parents quarreling and resenting each other every day, their mother belittles their father and their father ignores him, it will have a bad influence on their sense of identity.
Crying is the ability to establish rules and learn self-control.
Excluding marital discord, the child is still crying in a daze. What should I do? Scholars believe that crying is also an ability to control emotions and an important ability to tolerate dissatisfaction. However, if children give up when they cry, they will never be able to cultivate this ability.
However, many parents often commit two NG practices. The first is to coax children, obey their wishes and give them candy. "Well, don't cry, don't cry, shall we play with the car?" Mom bought you a new car. "The second is to immediately stop him from venting his emotions." Why are you crying? Do not cry! ","cry again and I will go, leaving you alone. 」
What else should we do? Let the children release their emotions and control the scene. At present, parents should have enough strength to take their children away. If they want to cry, they will cry. Don't eat, don't eat. You insist on it a few times, and they will understand that you are "serious". Parents don't want to scold their children because they cry, but no matter whether they cry or not, the principles set by parents will not change with their children. After that, the children learn well and know how to follow the rules so that they will not become bullying people.
Children 1 year old can learn the secret of emotional stability.
Similarly, it can also be applied to other emotions. For example, children are always chattering around adults and making noise, probably because they like to interact with adults. If adults always don't listen to their children, telling them not to make any noise will kill his chance to understand his emotions. Let's go back to what Teacher Li Chongjian said: "Children know themselves because adults respect them. Adults are unreasonable, don't preach, and don't command children. In this process, children will gradually connect with their inner self through language. 」
Even according to a survey conducted by Leite College in Belgium, if an adult can read stories and interact with children in a "harmonious" way, when a child is over 1 year old, it can be found that his mood is more stable than his peers and his memory is better than others.