The first step of using criticism skillfully: singing "white face"
It's almost time for dinner, but Beibei is clamoring for cookies on the table.
Strategy 1: The mother snatched the biscuit from the child and said, "Stop eating the biscuit, I told you to eat it quickly. Really disobedient! "
Strategy 2: Mom quietly hides the cookie box to distract Beibei. "The little white rabbit always eats snacks, and as a result, all his teeth are lost. Beibei shouldn't learn from her. Let's tell stories first, and then eat, shall we? "
Which is better, strategy 1 or strategy 2? I believe mom and dad have an idea at first sight. Mother sings "white face" when criticizing, which not only corrects the child's wrong behavior, but also avoids hurting Beibei's young mind. Most babies aged 3-7 are energetic, naughty and active, and it is inevitable that they will do something out of line, which will easily attract criticism from their parents. It is true that sometimes criticizing children can prevent them from making the same mistakes again, but blindly criticizing children can easily cause children to be timid and depressed, which requires parents to sing "bad face" when criticizing children. Happy and interesting language makes it easier for children to accept their parents' views. The beauty of "white face" is that it can make children understand what he did wrong just now and how to do it, so that criticism can play its due educational role.
Tip: Three essentials of "white face"
1. Normalization should be avoided. Parents say that their children are always unhappy and sometimes even cry when they do something wrong. If they say that the child is wrong, they will strengthen their rebellious mentality and be unhappy all day. Research shows that children who love to laugh are smarter and live in a relaxed atmosphere, and children are more likely to enjoy childhood happiness.
2. Be indirect. Children don't know much about the world, and many wrong behaviors are out of curiosity, so even if you want to criticize children, you can gently point out your mistakes through some story characters that children like, which makes them easy to accept and makes parents feel very interesting. For example, mom and dad can say, "The bear is drawing by himself. Can you draw it yourself? " "The rooster is stealing other people's bugs to eat. Do you feel polite? "
3. Be reasonable and well-founded. Mom and dad should sing "White Face" well and reasonably. Explain to your child in a language that he can understand why he is criticized and what he should do to avoid confusion. In this way, the baby will accept the criticism of his parents and correct his mistakes.
Recommended reading:
The correct way for children to criticize after making mistakes.
Criticizing children is also asked by universities.
Good mother: It takes skill to criticize children.
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The second step of skillfully using criticism: playing the "bad face"
Zirui's father: "Every time I eat, Zirui's mother and I have a special headache, because it is difficult for our family Zirui to finish eating quietly and try our best to coax him to eat half a bowl of rice." After feeding him, we are not in the mood to eat. If I hit him and scold him, I feel very distressed that the child is so young. What should I do? "
In order to let children develop good living habits from an early age, some rules must be established, and criticism should be made when it is time. Therefore, when the first step-singing "bad face" is beyond our ability, parents have to play "bad face" when criticizing their children!
Children aged 3-7 are the last to listen to complicated truth. They have begun to listen to the call of self-awareness. At this time, they should not stick to the truth, but should pay attention to their behavior habits. The beauty of "bad face" is that it can "punish" children's mistakes, let children learn to be responsible for their own actions, and finally manage themselves. Simple persuasion may not be effective for bad behavior habits formed by long-term indulgence, such as not eating well. Parents can directly criticize their children's mistakes, and their words and actions will be immediate.
Tip: the "bad face" rule
1, only for things, not for people. Whether it is language criticism or action punishment, it is to criticize what the child has done wrong, and should avoid involving the child's personality and personality problems. "If you can't even do this little thing well, then you are stupid." These derogatory terms can easily lead to children's rebellious psychology, which will greatly reduce the educational effect of criticism.
2. Language criticism. When criticizing children, language criticism is the first step, and its function is equivalent to warning. "Be quiet when you eat, or I'll take the food away, and you won't have anything to eat today." Criticizing language should pay attention to the consistency of expression and language. It is conceivable how effective Mimi's warning will be.
3. Action punishment. Language warning, often due to parents' consistent education or baby's personality characteristics, may not be effective for every baby. At this time, mom and dad should act decisively and take the dinner away. After the child is hungry, he will know to eat well next time. In the final analysis, it is for the good of children, and parents can't be soft-hearted because of their children's crying. If it thunders and doesn't rain, "punishment" won't work
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The third step of skillfully using criticism: less "changing face"
It is not a day or two to cultivate children's good behavior habits. Parents should try to avoid "fishing for two days and drying the net for three days" when criticizing and educating their children. This is not as simple as it sounds.
Tip: Analyze "Changing Face"
This "change" refers to the change of children's basic views and principled attitudes after making mistakes.
1. Same as before and after
Take the mother as an example. The critical attitude and principles of the same mistakes made by children should be consistent, and there should be no strong contrast or even contradiction. For example, my mother and Linlin had agreed to have a fixed time to play every day, but my mother was hot-tempered and in a bad mood. Seeing Linlin make a mess of toys, she will get angry and give Linlin a good "criticism"; If you are in a good mood and you are close to your daughter, even if you see what Linlin did wrong, you will easily let it go. Then Linlin may question her mother's completely opposite behavior when she justifiably criticizes her. At that time, did you prevaricate with "I am your mother, you should listen to me" or apologize to your daughter? It doesn't matter if you recognize it once or twice, but if you always review it in front of your child, the child will lower the requirements on the grounds that "my mother can't do well" in the future. In most cases, the reason for the change is parents' ability to control their emotions. Therefore, all elders should review themselves first, so it is not too late to review later.
2. Everyone is the same
This is unchanged, not only need one or two parents, but also need grandparents, which is considered from the perspective that grandparents participated in a large part of education and affected children. If we hold our own opinions and exaggerate, it will lead to a chaotic scene in which mom says East, dad says West, grandparents say North and grandparents say South. The child must be confused and lost. How is he? He may simply act according to his own temperament, but he who lacks experience and ability will only make more mistakes, leading to more and bigger mistakes, and his parents will start a new round of "criticism." This is a vicious circle!
In order to keep everyone consistent, it is necessary to unify the pace and work together. Elders can coordinate well in advance, criticize when it is time to criticize, and carry out correct education when it is time to educate, so that children can become a good baby who knows right from wrong and is polite.
3. Always the same
What I'm talking about here is "change with constancy". That is to say, although the baby will make a lot of small mistakes, the principles followed are unchanged, but the methods can vary from person to person, such as "good face" and "bad face", but remember not to change in the same criticism, which will give the child the feeling that "you can't cure me" and the child will be more unscrupulous in the future.
Successful and effective criticism is still good for children. It depends on reasonable situation, good atmosphere and interesting methods to realize continuous change.