In the process of consultation, it often happens that parents or one of them make an appointment for their children. Usually, when they arrive at the counseling room, adults can't wait to gradually condemn: how ignorant children are, how to study hard, how to teach badly, and how to be shameless. The children bowed their heads and said nothing. Some people are embarrassed and angry, while others seem to say that they don't care.
It was under such circumstances that I first met Xiao, and this information was reserved by my mother. A 16 years younger, much more than girls of the same age, a little fat, long yellow hair scattered, as lifeless as her whole person. At the beginning of the inquiry, my mother pointed to Xiao and said, "I am very angry with her." Doctor, you must check what's wrong with her! " "
Originally, I didn't want to study since 20 19. He shut himself up at home and fell asleep online every day, and refused to talk to his relatives. Otherwise, he will be angry with his parents. Mom is very excited: "She has to wash her face and brush her teeth for more than an hour now, and she won't come out for two hours without taking a shower. Nannies are not allowed to wash dirty clothes. She has been overeating recently. Let's see how fat she is now She has gained nearly 30 Jin in these two months! Doctor, how do you think she deserves me? I worked hard in business to make money, so that she could make a fortune at home. How much I gave up for love, how can she be so unworthy! " Little ah hasn't spoken, but from the beginning, his eyes became dull, more and more reluctant, and a little angry.
What made a little girl like this? After talking to her independently, I realized that Xiao's parents have been doing business since she was born. They are too busy to take care of her. Therefore, Xiao was sent to relatives and friends until she entered junior high school, but her parents still couldn't take care of her, just hired a nanny for her.
The nanny is young, a little girl of eighteen or nineteen. When I was a child, I was naughty and often had sex with dirty nannies, so I was often taught lessons because of my poor sanitation. The deep memory of Xiao Ah in childhood is that adults are strict, unpretentious and easy-going, and they are anxious to talk to them, which makes Xiao Ah more and more timid and cautious. The nanny's concern for cleanliness also prompted Xiao to gradually suspect that she was unsanitary and very dirty.
Xiao's father is more serious and often criticizes her publicly because she made mistakes. Mother often comments that she has put on weight after eating too much, and that dress and trousers don't look good. Later, because of my phobia, my mother took care of a lot and asked the nanny to stare at whether she washed her hands and disinfected them every day, and whether she washed her face and bathed according to their assignment. "We all love her, so it is very strict. She is still young, has no work experience and doesn't know the complexity of social development. She needs to be educated. When she was a child, everyone really ignored her.
So now we must make it up to her. "Because of guilt, her parents gave her good material conditions and worried about her safety, so they asked the nanny to drive her to school every day. Class is over, don't let her go out to play with her classmates. When she comes out, she will be accompanied by a nanny and only play with those they promised. Little hasn't changed, but she has become more and more introverted. She has no friends and doesn't like to talk. She is a maverick on campus, and neither teachers nor classmates like her very much.
Xiao's parents have more and more demands on her, and they are getting angry. Xiao can't change it under their due diligence. Parents subconsciously feel that they have invested a lot for their children, and if they give up, they will stipulate the benefits. Parents pin their hopes on their children in the name of love and solve their own problems; For a child, when he is too responsible for his parents' own property, the experience is complicated, and he will feel guilty and angry with his parents. In a large number of cases, this strong emotional feeling will make children attack themselves. In this way, Xiao can't resist her parents, but can only choose to "kill" herself.
Parent-child communication has always been understood, and the closest influence of parents and children is also prone to greater worry and pain.
"We always like him for his own good!" It is basically the endorsement of all parents. Whether it is true love or manipulation, many parents can't tell, in other words, subconsciously don't want to distinguish.
Do many parents feel emotional when they see this place? Because most people can't escape our old idea that children are their own, we should do things according to our own ideas. In fact, children must also be free. As parents, what everyone can give is education, correctly guiding children to the right path, and future achievements also depend on their own diligence.