Many parents who beat their children regard the children who beat their children as violent and vicious monsters, feel hopeless, and wish to rush up and slap them. Most parents of children who beat people will fall into self-blame and guilt.

Is the child who was beaten really a victim?

Some injuries were brought in by themselves. Parents of injured children always feel that being beaten is bullying and very wronged.

If you think it's all each other's fault, you're all wet!

The act of hitting people is of course violent, you can't!

So, have you thought about and understood the reasons behind this?

In fact, beating and being beaten are just behavioral manifestations of problems, and sometimes people who are beaten will become batters.

On Wednesday, my children and I washed strawberries picked in the experimental field by the pool. Bugs and peas were brought to me by xu teacher, who told me that "they had an inappropriate physical conflict."

With a disapproving expression and a little provocation, Bug continued to attempt to invade Doudou's body. Doudou looked very angry and wronged. He wants to solve the problem as soon as possible and tries to describe what happened, but his voice is always drowned in his sobbing cries.

Bug has been looking for opportunities to get close to Doudou, and Doudou doesn't want Bug to keep chasing him. He was so angry and nervous that he kept backing away from it. I separated the two. I held Bug's hand in my right hand, told him to stay away from Doudou, and said to him, "Please wait."

Me: "Doug, you are angry and a little sad." Let's adjust and solve the problem. "

Doudou: "Hum, I'm not angry, he keeps …" Tears keep falling, and he collapses. He thinks it is bad to have emotions, and he is helpless and depressed in the face of insects that attack him.

Doudou's mood has calmed down a little. I asked if I could solve the problem now, and Bug and Doudou said yes.

After several verifications, the story finally came out.

Doudou and Youyou are playing games in the tank house on the slide. Bugs wants to go in and play. Doudou doesn't let bugs in. The worm hits Doudou on the head first, and then hits other parts of his body. Doudou was beaten. He chose to fight back and caught Bug's ear. The two men wrestled together. Seeing that Doudou had been hit by a bug, Youyou wanted them to stop and hold the bug's hand, but he was not strong enough and was pushed by the bug. Doudou felt very uncomfortable being beaten. He didn't want to fight with Bug, so he let Bug into the tank house. When the bug saw that Doudou was shrinking, he continued to fight with Doudou, and Doudou stayed away from the bug, but the bug kept chasing him.

All this makes Doudou very angry. He tried to restrain himself from crying and hide his weakness, but tears and snot betrayed him and they flowed uncontrollably.

Finally, the two were responsible for their actions and apologized to each other. Doug said it doesn't matter, but he still didn't forgive me. I stayed with him and gave him a chance to blend in. After feeling, Doug accepted bug's apology. (yo-yo and bug problems have also been solved. )

Doug couldn't beat the Bug, so he chose to let the Bug into the tank house. Bug experienced the "sweetness of violence" and strengthened the behavior of Bug hitting people, so Bug continued to fight.

Doudou stays away from insects, which makes them think he is weak. He's shrinking. He's strong. He strengthened his beating behavior, so insects enjoyed chasing peas.

The successful completion of the worm's demand for peas strengthened his aggressive behavior. At the same time, peas are uncomfortable with insects, but they have no power to show their boundaries. They treat insects through crying and emotion, and strengthen their aggressive behavior again, making insects feel that aggressive behavior is very powerful and effective.

Paterson (G.R.) and others mentioned that peer relationship is reinforcement. For example, when a child grabs another child's toy, if the robbed person shows shrinking, crying or silence, then the attacker will treat other children in the same way, and the negative reaction will strengthen the child's aggressive behavior.

In the actual school education, I found that one child attacks another child, and we can't simply define them as the injurer and the victim. Problems will occur frequently, indicating that two children or two types of children have some problems themselves (most of the problems come from their parents' upbringing and family environment, including the influence of unexpected events or force majeure factors), but we should be clear in our hearts that the children are fine, but they just can't act, and then find out the reasons behind their actions at home.

There are many possibilities for children who often hit people. For example:

1, parents beat their children

2. Parents have poor emotional management and often lose their temper with weak children.

3. The physical boundaries in the family are not clear.

4. Children's language development is slow and expressed through behavior.

5. Children watch violent cartoons or film and television works.

6. Parents often neglect or neglect their children, and children will attract attention by beating or destroying them. ...

Children who are often beaten, the reasons behind them, such as:

1, weak psychological energy

2. Parents will not appreciate and affirm their children.

Mother is strong and wants to control all family members, but father's strength cannot be shown. ...

According to the specific situation, there are other possibilities.

If you advocate that children fight back and think that this will solve the problem, then you are wrong. When children successfully stop others from attacking by hitting people, they will strengthen their aggressive behavior. Violence is not allowed. Violence may solve the so-called problem for a while, but the essence is not solved, and it will also hurt the child's body.

Retreat is to allow others to break your boundaries. Therefore, it is very important to have boundaries and make clear your own boundaries. If you don't allow others to violate your boundaries, they won't continue to hurt you.

In kindergarten, it is very important for the teacher to intervene when such a thing happens. Stop the behavior in time, listen to the emotions, help the children to separate the incident, solve the problem, and make the incident have a perfect shape. Help children establish boundaries, at the same time let children face great harm, learn to protect themselves, actively seek the help of teachers, and maintain their boundaries.

In the adult world, there are always some people who bully the weak and fear the hard, and the same is true. If you allow him to enter your border, he will be unscrupulous.

A familiar example often appears in film and television dramas. A new employee didn't define his own boundaries at first, and he did everything when others asked him to help. Even when he didn't want to, he stubbornly helped and didn't have the right to refuse others. So, in the end, everyone thought it was natural for him to help everyone.

In fact, he can choose to help, but he should draw a clear line and learn to refuse others when appropriate. It's hard to refuse others, but learning to refuse protects your boundaries.

Parents are an important environment for children to grow up. Please re-recognize beating and being beaten, find out the reasons behind children's behavior and make changes yourself.

The growth and change of parents is the best love for children.

When I was Yingying, the coordinates were Shanghai.

Love and freedom teacher, share some education with you.

A young woman in literature and art is on the road of personal growth.