The moment I closed the book, I really wanted to write a sentiment or book review in my own language. When I began to think of a title that seemed to be in line with the theme, I suddenly found that my experience and cognition were not qualified to comment, and my feelings were not perfect enough to express my shock with thousands of words of reading. Let's take notes, sort out the fragments of thinking in my reading, and then sort out the meaning that this book has brought me.
"The past is always beautiful, because one never realized the emotion at that time, and it later expanded, so we only have the complete emotion about the past, but not the present." This is a quote from Virginia Woolf, written on the cover of this book. It seems very meaningful, but I don't fully understand it. I didn't understand until I read the whole book. For example, the high school life I miss most, when I was in it, I must have had troubles and anxieties, but now it is the happiest and best time I will always remember. Why are you so happy and beautiful? Looking back on my high school days in my thirties, my mood for those three years is complete. It is not difficult papers, complicated knowledge, happiness, quarrels between classmates and friends, but my youth-my best years. It suddenly occurred to me that an aunt was going to take a picture of me. If I say I don't like it, I don't want it. She said enviously, "How beautiful and young!" "Yes, even in our thirties, we are still young people remembered by others, which is very beautiful. Of course, the author does not quote this passage to recall the beauty, she has her own experience and views. I use my own experience, and I think the thinking that benefits me is to guide myself how to look at and do well now with the complete emotions I had when I looked back in high school. The answer I got was to cherish and create. Cherish your present youth and create beautiful memories when you look back later.
Next, I will try to sort out the things in the book. Then put my reading notes in order of the author's writing.
1. sort out my daily accounts
The author Tara wrote this book through her memoirs. Tara's writing is very good, with beautiful sentences and clear logic. The description of each event can bring me to the scene at that time.
In the first part of this book, I can see the experience of a youngest daughter, her parents and six brothers and sisters living in Barker Mountain. They are so different, even if there are residents around, they are different. The most striking fact is that children don't go to school. My father, a loyal Mormon (who was later proved to have mental illness and bipolar disorder), has been making final preparations, and the whole family is preparing. Really prepare food, gasoline and guns. Father believes that when the human world collapses, their family will continue to survive and will not be affected. In my childhood tower, I always believed and obeyed unconditionally. The story of her growing up comes from her father. All her stories are about their mountain, but her father never told Tara how she would go home if she left the mountain.
Tara's mother is a midwife, a wife who completely obeys her father. In my opinion, my mother is very cultured. At first, she was not exactly a "loyal" believer like her father. After all kinds of family changes, her mother changed from weakness to self-growth, and then after all kinds of changes, she became a mother who became one with her father.
Brothers and sisters at home, including Tara, are working for their father. Even if they work at the risk of their lives, they still believe their father's decision. There may be conflicts and disputes between them. Only Tara's favorite brother Taylor really left home.
During this period, all the children listened to their father's arrangement and worked for their father in his waste yard. They don't trust doctors, don't trust the government, and don't go to school. Father races against time to reserve supplies and lives in fear of time. Even if I put myself and my family in danger of death countless times during this period, I will never give up: Tara was put into her leg by her father's machine, bleeding profusely; Her brother Luke's legs were burned by an exploded gasoline can; Sean fell off his father's machine and broke his head. He had two car accidents with his family in the dark, and even he was burned beyond recognition by the explosion of gasoline ... These dangers are not allowed to go to the hospital and be treated with his mother's herbs and essential oils. Father thinks that if the mother can deliver the baby and cure the disease, they can move on after the end. I remember writing many times, and it is a miracle to survive in their home.
Taylor's departure left a deep impression on Tara. She is curious about what attracted her brother to give up his family. That winter, Tara watched her kindest brother drive to school. She thinks Taylor likes school, and his love for school seems to exceed his love for his family.
The seeds of curiosity have been sown. It only takes time and boredom to make it grow.
The dreariness of working in the junkyard made Tara flash an idea: I should go to school.
Life hasn't changed much since this idea appeared. I still live in a home where I need to work for my father every day. I don't trust schools, hospitals and governments. I am prepared for the end and accept the violence of my brother Sean. This kind of violence also happened to my sister and other brothers, and no one stopped it, not even mentioned it. In a few years, Tara will fall into great collapse and self-doubt.
However, the turning point appeared at this moment.
Taylor appeared at home and told Tara that there was another world. When Tara was threatened by her brother Sean, this world was different from her father's. Tara did it again and again.
The second part of the book is about Tara going to school to open the door to a new world. Later, Tara passed the exam and entered Brigham Young University. After that, she grew as fast as her previous life in the mountains, subverting my cognition. After graduating from Tara University, she went to Cambridge to study for graduate students and doctors, and even went to Harvard to study. It took Tara ten years to go from a person who has never been to school to a world-class prestigious school that I am familiar with and out of reach, and also got a degree. I was too shocked to remember what happened to her during this time.
Turn to the third part of the book. Tara has made such brilliant achievements in her studies, but it is difficult to balance her new life and family. Those are two worlds, two incompatible worlds, and the world Tara is trying to pursue is a world that is not recognized by her father. I can't imagine that if I achieve one-third of Tara's achievements, it must be the pride of my relatives. Even if I am so mediocre now, I am a child that my parents like to support and love. Tara's father thought she was possessed by the devil, who blinded her eyes and gave up her family. The honor of learning is Tara's betrayal. Tara is also constantly seeking redemption and recognition, even wavering in her desire to give up her present life and return to this world with her family who know it is an abyss. Fortunately, she completed her self-redemption, accepted her own decision, stopped dwelling on old grievances, and stopped comparing the sins of others with her own. Tara finally got rid of her guilt.
Finally, Tara stopped letting her fearful self living in the mountains make any decisions for herself. Now all decisions and choices are made by a brand-new person, a brand-new self.
Tara calls this ego: education.
And I saw Tara complete the transformation of ID, ego and superego in education.
It's really good. Tara relies on the power of education to constantly improve her self-awareness, and realizes the breakthrough of the id, the growth of the ego, the reconciliation and rebirth of the superego.
This is energy for me. If I can constantly reshape myself through learning, I am willing. I saw the blueprint for success.
2. Some reading notes
midwife
The work of a midwife changed my mother. As an adult woman with seven children, for the first time in her life, she is undoubtedly in control of the situation.
My mother is a weak person. She took over the job of midwife under the pressure of her father. If you do, your temperament will change and become an aura. Later, in order to improve her skills, my mother was also willing to study and attend classes. Self-reliance is how Tara describes her mother. Even the majestic father was shocked by his mother's strength, and agreed to install his annoying communication phone at home and handle the birth certificate issued by his annoying government department for his younger brother Luke.
My feeling is that work gives people face and self-growth gives people strength.
Apache woman
How a woman lives and dies is destiny takes a hand. It depends on the soldiers and the women themselves.
I'm thinking about Tara's mother. She is willing to turn into a stone. It's her decision.
Then there was Taylor, who, at the insistence of the "warrior" father, drove home at night and had an accident. Taylor was seriously injured while driving. Taylor has been blaming herself for every decision that led to all this.
Ten years later, growing Tara's understanding of car accidents has changed:
All the decisions in a person's life-whether made jointly or individually-create every event together. There are countless grains of sand, which accumulate into sediments and then become rocks.
I don't know if I understand correctly. The environment in which we live and the experience of growing up are doomed to make some specific decisions.
The inspiration is: when you make many wrong decisions, you should think about reshaping your cognition. Maybe this growth is heavy, just like Tara.
This description of Luke being burned and Tara being stuck in her leg like a working machine in a hot butter knife is really a miracle to survive in her home.
The disappointment on his face was so childish that for a moment I wondered why God couldn't realize his wish. He is such a devout believer that he is willing to suffer, just as Noah is willing to build an ark. But god didn't let the flood overflow.
This is a description of the Millennium bug. In 2000, the end of the world did not come. Father's paranoia has not been verified. Tara is a teenager, waiting for the end of the millennium bug with her father. As Tara later described, others were saying it was over, and I was really unprepared and prepared every day. Living in my father's firm belief. Tara should have planted the seeds of doubt by now.
Large and small shields
Dad lives in fear of time.
The father constantly put his children and family in danger to counter his dying fears.
Many people around us will also be afraid of the passage of time and do nothing. Perhaps this tense atmosphere is useless, and excessive tension will also consume your thinking. If we can face the passage of time calmly, making friends with time can bring higher efficiency.
fisheye
It doesn't affect me, which is its influence in itself.
Sean's description of Tara's violence, humiliation and pain has influenced Tara for many years and has been seeking redemption and reconciliation.
When you think you are strong enough not to feel sad and painful because of some sad experiences, you think you have come out and are not affected by this incident. Try to feel it. When you say you can't influence me, he has seriously influenced you.
Silent church
Sometimes I hardly dare to move at home, and I am careful not to walk, bend over or squat like that kind of woman. But no one has ever taught me how to bend down to have dignity, so I know that it may be that I bend badly.
Tara's father and brother abused women who wore short skirts and low-cut clothes, a word that made Tara unconsciously think of herself: prostitute, which made Tara feel that her physical development was a sin.
Many times, our parents or friends who care most about us express an opinion. We care about them, love them and don't even question them. We think their views represent the correct views. We are restrained by their thoughts.
I have also thought about whether I have invisibly input an opinion to people around me in my life, which has had a bad influence on them.
Also, when my child is scared or helpless, have I ever taught her what to do, or just blamed her?
This is very important: besides telling the child that it is wrong, tell her what is right, and don't leave her alone.