"People have to move when they are alive", and the same "children just complain" is a kind of nature!
I think this mother fainted when she saw T. Grace's answer! Don't worry! Be patient, please see T. Grace's complete explanation.
Complaining is a natural thing for children, and it is a communication channel for children to contact with the outside world from their own small world when developing language. Adults can learn about children's thinking mode, what children have been exposed to, what children's reactions to things, and what children's thoughts and reactions are from their complaints about love.
Adults think that children love to complain, but you know, children will ignore it, and the time to say whatever they want is about 3 years old to 10 years old. After that, there are not many opportunities for you to understand, analyze and guide.
Let's see how the children feel here. Children love to complain about nothing more than the following psychology: 1. Maintain a sense of justice.
This is a routine complaint. I accept all the rules I usually get from adults, and I undoubtedly intend to practice them. Therefore, no matter my brother and sister or my classmates and good friends, when I do something wrong, I immediately implement the behavior of "complaining to adults" to maintain the rules.
I can't accept other people's better love complaints because of jealousy. It usually happens when children feel that their love and attention have been taken away and their world has been carved up by other children. At this time, no matter what children do, their brothers and sisters or classmates and friends will become targets and then be accused. There is no reason, no right or wrong, just to get the attention of adults again and find their own position and territory.
3. Natural low-key ostrich This is a kind of complaining that won't communicate with other children. When other children pester their parents or adults to get a lot of attention, but there is nothing they can do, they sulk with themselves and don't know what skills to use to deal with the problem, so they instinctively join the ranks of complaining to express their anger.
I am bored and have nothing to do. I like to complain that I have nothing to do. Originally, we quarreled, or only one of us wanted to find someone else to play with ourselves, but we accidentally brushed off the gun and went to other children, which became a love contest.
Being unfairly bullied is a vindictive complaint. I was really attacked by my brother, sister or classmates' friends with words or violence. I appealed according to my parents' instructions, hoping that the bad guys would be punished and that I would get support and help.
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Then, how to listen patiently and let children complain less, T.Grace certainly has a coup!
1. Take a deep breath and listen patiently.
Guess, do children know that complaining is annoying and noisy? Of course I know! But this is the best time to attract the attention of adults, and it is also the best time for children to test the unfairness of adults and convince themselves.
Therefore, no matter what the reasons for the above complaints are, adults should first "press Nai" to get rid of the feelings of being upset and not wanting to listen.
Usually when I meet a group of children who are vying to tell me that they are in love, I have to be cold first. In other words, let the children quarrel with each other first, and I will watch them talk to each other carefully (this is very important, don't let the children feel that adults don't care), but don't say anything, so that I can buy some time to clarify what kind of complaining behavior the children belong to.
Strangely, children who complain about the fifth reason will stick to it. The other children are fine because they caught my attention and thought I listened to their complaints. They don't want me to say anything. Therefore, I only need to deal with the situation of the last complaining child.
2. The cultivation of the right to speak When more than one person complains at the same time, the reason why adults feel annoyed is because children are scrambling to talk, that is to say, children are arguing, how can they be in the mood for arbitration? This is the best educational opportunity to teach children how to respect others and exercise their right to speak. I will put my finger on my mouth (but I won't say: shh! Or teach the child not to talk), and then say to the child, "Please come with me. 」
Wait until the children are quiet, and then tell them that I can't hear what they really want to say when they are talking at the same time. (Take out the number plate prepared in advance), please talk to me according to the number, thus solving the situation that children are rushing to complain.
3. Priority training is also a kind of talk when children complain, and complaining is usually an impulse. How to make children get to the point in a short time and know whether their complaints are meaningful can be trained. Cut the straws of three colors into three sections and put them in the bag. When the child complains, when I solve the complaint, I will give the child a small straw and let him put it in the transparent bag I prepared in advance. The rule is that there can only be three straws in the bag a day (you can only complain three times, so you should cherish the opportunity to complain). Because it is transparent, children will see the color of the straw: green = light complaint, yellow = medium complaint, and red = key complaint.
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Accumulate seven small transparent bags a week and take them out to watch with your children. If there are many red straws, give a small reward. Slowly, children will know that there is no need to complain about jealousy and jealousy, and there is no need to complain about stealing the limelight and attention. When something really happens, telling adults is the really meaningful purpose of complaining.
Since it is inevitable for children to complain, it is necessary to teach children how to complain and complain, so that things that annoy adults become homework that children need to organize with their brains. When complaining is no longer just an impulse, and there is no longer the convenience of throwing it at adults without thinking, children will not complain casually!