Especially the problem of homework, which gives me a headache. I see his name in the group almost every day, and I am criticized for not finishing my homework. I scolded and promised to finish my homework every day, but I forgot it as soon as I got to school. I really have a headache and don't know what to do. Busy with work during the day, busy with children at night, my friend said to invite me to dinner and play later, so I have no time. Firmly became a "child slave." How to liberate yourself? All kinds of parenting books have become my desk choice. Some books are solid in theory, but ambiguous in practical issues. Therefore, I am particularly eager to have an operable parenting book for reference.
To tell the truth, the book "Don't worry, don't worry" first attracted me to its title. These six words really reflect my current state of mind. It is said that children have to wait for the flowers to grow up and take a slow walk with snails, but reality is slapping themselves. Every day's learning progress is there. If you can't finish your homework today, there will be more tomorrow, forming a vicious circle. I want to take my time, but my homework waits for no one! Every time the exam comes out, the ranking is embarrassing. The teacher's little whip is to slap in the face, so you can't just give the child a hard time and force him. But it's a dilemma to push hard and be afraid of hurting the child! What should I do? After reading this book, I suddenly became enlightened. Facts have proved that many problems of children are rooted in our parents.
The author of this book, Mr. Zhang Wenzhi, is an expert in family education research and an advocate of life-oriented education. His most famous works are Milk Honey Salt-The First Law of Family Education and Parents Change Children. As an expert in male education, Zhang Wenzhi has an objective and unique perspective. In his educational concept of "milk, honey and salt", "milk" represents milk and expresses children's attachment to their mothers in the early life, "honey" symbolizes the sweetness and happiness of life, and "salt" represents knowledge and character. In life, most parents give their children enough milk, but what they lack is honey and salt. Zhang Wenzhi believes that "honey" will help a person observe and explore a better world; The salt of life makes growth easy. The key to children's various behavioral problems in their growth lies in the lack of "honey" and "salt". In this book "Don't worry, don't slow down", Zhang Wenzhi used the knowledge of "milk, honey and salt" to analyze parents' problems and gave professional and pertinent opinions, some of which I thought were quite good. I want to share three points with you.
1. Parents ask: When children come back from school, they always play enough before doing their homework, and they still procrastinate and push again. How to help children form the habit of finishing homework on time?
Wen Zhi said: The root of this problem lies in parents, who should help their children develop a sense of rules, including what they need to do when they get home. Parents need to list the rules in detail. Do the most important thing first, and then do the secondary thing after finishing the most important thing. After all, children can do what they like. At the same time, in the process of implementing the rules, all family members must agree, not today or tomorrow.
Speaking of which, I want to reflect on my son's procrastination. He has no sense of responsibility and always needs constant reminders, as if doing homework is our business. From small to large, grandparents were spoiled, and his father and I didn't care much, which led to the children being very loose and free after school and repeatedly violating discipline. The ancients said, "No rules can make Fiona Fang". Children should be strict from an early age and form good habits in order to truly love him, otherwise they are hurting him.
2. Parents ask: My child is in the first grade and has various homework. As a parent, I don't know if I should accompany her to do her homework. Want to accompany her, how to accompany her so as not to make her dependent? I don't accompany her, but I'm worried that she can't do her homework well, which is very tangled.
Wen Zhi said: Children need their parents to accompany them to do their homework, at least until the third grade of primary school. This kind of companionship first requires the presence of parents. When children first go to school, sometimes they can't remember what homework to do, or they don't know the rules for doing homework. When he is in trouble, he needs to ask his parents for help. When parents accompany their children to do their homework, don't consider whether their children will become dependent. Because human growth is a process from dependence to gradually reducing dependence, and then to not relying on others. Therefore, it is normal for children to need and rely on their parents. Parents should pay special attention to help and encouragement when their children just go to school, but don't do homework instead of their children. Homework should be checked and evaluated by parents after the children finish it independently.
In fact, I have struggled with this problem. I have read Yin Jianli's book before, saying that children should not accompany their homework. When I was in the first grade, I really let go for a while and the result was a mess. Either write less or write in a mess, and the child can't remember what homework the teacher assigned. I can't help but stay with him, but I won't help him write. I sat next to him reading a book. When he meets a problem and asks for help, I usually ask him to read the topic three times before thinking about it. Most of them can find the answer, and a few still can't, so I will give him some hints. If you stare at him like a helicopter and write word by word, it will not only destroy his concentration, but also make you crazy. Now in the second grade, children can basically finish all their homework by themselves. I only check his handwriting and leave the rest to the teacher to judge. I still agree with Mr. Zhang Wenzhi's idea to stay with her before the third grade. The child is still young, and there are many places that need the guidance and help of parents. You can't just give up.
3. Parents ask: Son 14 years old, obsessed with playing mobile phones. It seems that everything is inseparable from the mobile phone. What can I do to change his habits and pull him back from the world of mobile phones?
Wen Zhi said: To deal with this problem, we must go back to the source-how did children start playing mobile phones? Many parents will find ways to save trouble and throw their mobile phones to their children in order to calm their naughty children down. However, children are particularly good at hands-on and learning, and they will soon find what they like in their mobile phones. Games are much more interesting than classes and books. By the time parents find out that their children are addicted to them, it will be too late. Some parents themselves are addicted to mobile phones, setting a bad example for their children. It is very important for children to contact mobile phones for the first time, which will form a kind of "path attachment". If a child starts to learn with a mobile phone, his whole cognition of the mobile phone will be different. Children are addicted to mobile phones, and parents have to make changes in addition to reflection. First of all, start from yourself, read more books and learn more to stay away from mobile phones. Secondly, make three chapters with children, stipulate the time and frequency of playing mobile phones, and tell children that learning is their own business, and everyone is responsible for their actions. Usually, parents should communicate with their children more, take them to nature for a walk, make more friends, and let them get in touch with the better side of the real world.
Indeed, my son is only in the second grade, and now he is playing board games well. But I usually use my mobile phone to learn English, go instead of him and never let him play games. At the same time, instill in him that playing games is bad behavior. So in his cognition, the tablet is used for learning, not for playing. Usually, I only give him half an hour's study time at a time, and set the student mode. After that, the tablet will automatically lock. Children's behavior should be restrained. There are too many temptations in modern society, and all kinds of information on mobile phones are mixed. Children who lack judgment are easily polluted, so parents must pay more attention to their children.
Children's growth is never smooth sailing. From the day we became parents, all kinds of challenges appeared one by one. Raising children is a process of "escalating and blaming". Only by continuous learning can parents be handy in educating their children. Teacher Zhang Wenzhi named this book "Don't worry, don't slow down", which means: "Education is urgent, don't encourage children, follow the pace of children's development and patiently accompany them to grow up. Education is not slow, so slow that children fall behind, we must always lead children to progress and constantly update their cognition. " Indeed, the summary is in place. There are many "100,000 whys" about children's growth in the book. If you also have educational troubles, I suggest you read it and you will gain something.