"I am 29 years old, married and have two children." Imagine this is rare in Beijing. Of course, it can be done in other places. What I want to express is that you are a 29-year-old girl, and I say a girl, not a woman, because from your overall narrative, you are still a child, married so early and had two children so soon. You're ready. How long did it take you to go from lover to wife to mother? Is it too hasty? It makes people feel that you really have great courage to get married and have children even if your job is not settled. "I think we are depressed when we are in love. I didn't enjoy the happiness of love, and soon I will be a wife and mother. I don't want to take these responsibilities. I haven't played yet? I went to work in his company as soon as I graduated, and I didn't feel like falling in love. " Since you don't feel in love, you got married and were busy having children, and you gave birth to two in your life. I really admire you. At first, I was almost thirty before I dared to get married. Why? Because I deeply realize that my conditions are really not enough to have children. Is the cost of living really not considered at all in this era? Really don't consider your own psychological growth needs?
I remembered the boy mentioned in the War of Love, issue 20 15-07-09, "a man who hides his daughter in love". He is only 26 years old and unmarried. His ex-girlfriend ran away and left him a child. Now he is looking for the so-called love again, and he has fooled the same girl in her twenties. The most terrible thing is that those experts are still optimistic about this relationship. I suggest you. I don't like that relationship very much, because they have no emotional planning at all. The girl said that I didn't even satisfy the playful nature of girls, so I became a stepmother! I really don't know whether to live or die. I'm not angry that this man lied to this girl. I am angry that the so-called experts are completely irresponsible. Of course, they have no idea what emotional planning is.
Is love a passion? Yes, no, according to the three elements of love, love has intimacy, commitment and passion. People see more so-called passion, and only promises see the least.
I have a nephew who has been in love with a beautiful girl older than him for several years. The girl is anxious to get married, I don't agree. Why? What does getting married mean? This means more responsibility. Girls are not young, and they will have children as soon as they get married. How expensive is it to have children now? My nephew earns very little money, has no great skills, and has a low education. Although girls like him very much now, they don't seem to care about his financial conditions. Both sides have feelings for each other, but when it comes to getting married, there are a lot of troubles at once. I told him: Now a girl doesn't care how much money you earn, but once you have a child, if you can't earn enough money to buy milk powder for your child, she will definitely not stop arguing with you, and all the sweetness in love will turn into a cloud in an instant. Have you thought about what to do at that time? Cheating? Divorce? Find another one? ..... he didn't even think about it. He just walked step by step and watched himself walk on the wedding carpet. Does he still want to go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get a divorce certificate?
The case I'm talking about here doesn't mean that the poor can't get married, but that you should consider some consequences in the future and make emotional plans in advance. If the other person is not very beautiful, she won't care too much about your poverty. Anyway, you will coax girls. But a beautiful woman, her expectations must be not low, and there are many opportunities. It's ok to fall in love, but be careful when you get married. This kind of beauty is likely to be tempted in the future.
The so-called emotional planning must have long-term plans, overall and systematic plans, instead of believing that love can overcome everything, as Liu Xiang said. Liu Xiang's own love ability is limited, so that she divorced in less than a year. Although this is a celebrity case, it is deep-seated and representative (please refer to my analysis article). Nowadays people often don't study the systematicness of feelings, and most people still believe that feelings, fate and constellations are consistent. In my opinion, it's too advanced.
If you can't manage your feelings well, these consequences will be directly passed on to your two innocent children. It is said that children should not lose at the starting line, but why do many of our parents pass on their messy emotional views and bad emotional handling modes to their children, and have no idea how to change them? This is the great significance of what I did.
"My wife says I don't care about him at all. I think I should be selfish. My heart is very narrow, only looking at the present and not looking at the long term, but why can't I see that I will have a good life with him in the future? "
You said, you only look at the present, not the long term. Is it inappropriate for me to talk to you about emotional planning? There is a word in psychology called delayed gratification, which means that a person must learn to consider the problem from the perspective of long-term interests before he can have a good result. If a person doesn't know how to delay satisfying desires, the problem will be very serious.
Of course, from your point of view, you may be too confused to find a way out, so you will have bad expectations for the future.
Writing here, I have to say that the constellation theory is nonsense for serious psychologists, but why is it so popular? Bad money drives out good money. Sadly, where is the good money? I have good money, but I am not the People's Bank of China, so it is not known to so many people. However, readers who are concerned about my article should have seen the most advanced emotional planning in the world. Don't think that all the top academic inventions are in America. At least in the emotional field, emotional planning was initiated by China people.
To tell you the truth, I've seen a lot of movies recently. The more I look at it, the more I find that people's feelings need to be repaired, which adds to my sense of mission. Don't think that high box office is the value of emotion.
After all, you have never heard of emotional planning, and emotional planning should even be combined with career planning. Although it's the first time I've heard of it, at least you've come into contact with the most advanced emotional planning theory in the world. Even the sexual relationship between husband and wife can be included in emotional planning, because it changes with the development of male psychology. How do women adapt to the changes of male sexual psychology? We all know the menopause of women, and the moral evaluation of "men are nothing" is more publicized in society, but how many people are concerned about the sexual psychological changes of men?