First draft
Stand up straight and be a man.
Two thousand years ago, by the autumn water, the wind gently brushed the reeds, and a piece of Qiu Guang floated in. Behind Zhuangzi, the Chu people asked him to be a photographer. Facing the splendor, Zhuangzi "ignored the pole" and still reveled in the leisurely hermit life, leaving only an emissary of the back, a strong and upright back.
This is an argumentative essay with a good opening. Describe an intriguing historical picture two thousand years ago-Zhuangzi fishing map. This pen is concise but vivid. At the expense of such a specific image, Zhuangzi abandoned the scene of luxury and wealth endowed by Chu, which led to the theme of this paper, that is, the central argument-standing up straight as a man, which is quite prose-like. Deficiency: Lack of analysis of Zhuangzi's image. Therefore, the center of this paper should be clearly revealed. Therefore, it is closely related to the development of the following argument. )
"There is a beginning and no end." Everyone is eager to have a noble personality and become a successful person. However, how many people can grasp the bottom line of personality and stand up straight in troubled times? In the past thousands of years, looking back at the long river of history, we can always find some shining names. They always stand upright and behave themselves.
(This paragraph discusses. Use questions to inspire people to think and guide the following. The quotation at the beginning of the paragraph "Decadence has no beginning, freshness has an end" seems somewhat inexplicable and has nothing to do with the theme. It should be deleted and modified, and attention should be paid to the connection with it. )
Doctor Chu meditated by the river until his death;
Tao Yuanming sealed his resignation, drinking and picking chrysanthemums;
Zhu Ziqing refused "beauty powder" and resolutely decided. ...
Even if he is excluded and displaced, Qu Yuan is still not easy to be noble, which is his firmness. Even if life is hard and bumpy, Tao Yuanming will not bow down for five buckets of rice, which is his ambition; Even if he was hungry, poor and ill, Zhu Ziqing refused to eat American relief noodles, which was his integrity. In their persistence, poets who have remained immortal have written articles, and people with lofty ideals have made great achievements for thousands of years. Their backs have long been blurred, but in the minds of future generations, they have always been the image of straight backs.
There are still many people in history who, for different purposes, neglected their severely bent or even deformed spine.
Hua Xin was so obsessed with fame and fortune that Guan Ning broke up with him.
Yang Xiong followed suit and fawned on Wang Mang, which attracted scholars all over the world to despise him for thousands of years.
Wuqi became famous for killing his wife to win the trust, and was reviled by the whole world for generations.
For example, the positive and negative comparative arguments are full of power, and the typical cases, parallelism and the use of the whole sentence are very imposing and full of emotion. It has produced a good demonstration effect. It is very rare for a young author to make a proper analysis of positive cases. However, there is a lack of necessary analysis and summary of negative examples; The transition between the positive and negative arguments is somewhat abrupt. )
Aren't those corrupt elements in today's society the same? I was blinded by interests, and ruined the country and the people for my own interests. I can't stand breasts anymore in my later life.
It is necessary and pertinent to connect with reality, but it is not enough to alert people. )
Life is a long journey, and there is always loss in the pursuit. In the exploration of history. We know that when we have no choice but to learn from Zhuangzi, as long as we stand up straight and don't lose the bottom line, there will always be hope in confusion. Maybe you yearn for a kite to fly high in the sky, but only by grasping your height can you not lose your way. Stand up straight, be a man, dredge the fountain of personality, and the river will not evaporate and dry up.
Did you stand up straight when we packed our bags and prepared to sail?
Close the full text at the end, echoing the beginning. Using metaphor, once again emphasize the great significance of "standing up straight and being a man". The last question is both an emphasis and a reminder, which inspires every reader to contact himself, reflect on himself and inspire people to think deeply. )
comment
"Stand up straight and be a man" is a very realistic topic for modern middle school students, and it is of positive significance to guide students to learn to be a man and learn to be a noble person. Students also have something to say. The key to composition is how to do the words well. Write a wonderful article. When young authors enter the high school stage, writing an argumentative essay can make the beginning vivid, draw out opinions, concentrate the full text, discuss the past and discuss the present, and enrich the typical use cases. It is not easy to flexibly use positive and negative comparative arguments, but to be practical, targeted and practical. The article has clear argumentation ideas, complete sentence patterns and rich literary talent, which should be said to be a relatively successful essay. However, this paper also has the common problem of writing an argumentative essay at the beginning: it still lacks the necessary analysis and transition, which makes the article slightly thin.
Revised draft
Stand up straight and be Wang Yanyan.
Two thousand years ago, by the autumn water, the wind gently brushed the reeds, and a piece of Qiu Guang floated in. Behind Zhuangzi, the Chu people asked him to be a photographer. Facing the splendor, Zhuangzi "ignored the pole" and still reveled in the leisurely hermit life, leaving only an emissary of the back, a strong and upright back.
Through the distant historical time and space, we are delighted to see that there is such a tall image of an ancient China scholar who refuses to be hired by powerful media and insists on self-preservation. Writer Bao Pengshan said that in the tradition that culture succumbs to power, Zhuangzi is a lonely tree, a tree that guards the moon of the soul alone in the middle of the night. That is an unattainable charm.
Although it is "unattainable", many people yearn for it in ancient and modern times. As Mencius said, "Wealth can't be lewd, poverty can't be moved, and powerful people can't bend. This is called a gentleman. " People with courage are eager to have a noble personality and be an upright person. However, in turbulent times, how many people can grasp the bottom line of personality and stand up straight to be a man? Looking back at the long river of history, you can always find some shining names. Like Zhuangzi, they stand in front of the trees that the world can't reach.
Doctor Chu meditated by the river until his death;
Tao Yuanming sealed his resignation, drinking and picking chrysanthemums;
Zhu Ziqing refused "beauty powder" and resolutely decided. ...
Even if he is excluded and displaced, Qu Yuan's ambition is still hard to pay, which is his loyalty. Even if life is hard and bumpy, Tao Yuanming will not bow down for five buckets of rice, which is his ambition; Although hungry and sick, Zhu Ziqing refused to eat American relief noodles, which was his backbone. Or being squeezed out, crushed by power, or living in poverty can't destroy their dignity or erase their integrity. They became famous through their unswerving persistence. Their backs may have been blurred for a long time, but in the minds of future generations, they will always stand tall in the image of the sky, which is an immortal monument built by people with lofty ideals with their noble personality.
However, there are still many people who, for the sake of fame and fortune, ignore their seriously bent or even deformed spine and fall into the quagmire of historical shame.
Hua Xin was so obsessed with fame and fortune that Guan Ning broke up with him.
Yang Xiong followed suit and fawned on Wang Mang, which attracted scholars all over the world to despise him for thousands of years.
Wuqi became famous for killing his wife to win the trust, and was reviled by the whole world for generations.
They are greedy, servile and flattering, losing their dignity and personality as human beings, and winning eternal infamy.
Not only the ancients, but also the corrupt elements in today's society. People like Cheng and Chen Liangyu, who are greedy for profits and bring disaster to the country and people, will never stand up in their later lives.
Life is a long journey, and there is always loss in the pursuit. In the inquiry of history, we know that when we have no choice, we should learn from Zhuangzi. As long as we stand up straight and stick to our bottom line, there will always be hope in confusion. Maybe you yearn for a kite to fly high in the sky, but only by grasping your height can you not lose your way. Stand up straight and be a man, dredge the source of personality, and the river of life will not evaporate and dry up.
Did you stand up straight when we packed our bags and prepared to sail?
comment
Argumentative essays with clear views, full argumentation and passion are very popular in college entrance examination compositions, because they show the ideological sparks of candidates, and with flying literary talent and passionate expression, it is easy to capture the hearts of examiners. Stand up straight and be a man. I have achieved this initially. Compared with the first draft, the revised draft has made great improvements in analyzing the transition between cases and paragraphs. For example, the understanding and analysis of Zhuangzi's image from the outside to the inside. Reveal the essence; Quoting Bao Pengshan, a writer, highlights the vulgarity of Zhuangzi and the viewpoint of this article. For another example, the discussion part strengthens the analysis of positive and negative cases and forms a sharp contrast. It emphasizes the great significance of the article's argument of "stand up straight and be a man", which gives people profound enlightenment. In addition, the transitional language of the article has also been carefully designed, such as "Although unattainable, how many people yearn for it in ancient and modern times", "They are just like Zhuangzi", "However, there are still many people" and "Not just the ancients". What about those corrupt elements in today's society? "and so on. Make the context of the article transition naturally, and with the echo of the beginning and the end, the full text gives people a seamless feeling. It can be said that the rigor of the article structure comes from the essence of cohesion, and the essence of cohesion comes from the meticulous thinking (especially the incisive analysis of cases).