"Face" is an important and typical social psychological phenomenon in China. Lin Yutang once thought that the three goddesses who ruled China were face, fate and grace. Among the three goddesses, face is more powerful than fate and grace.
Face refers to the reputation gained through success and boasting in the course of life, as well as the reputation accumulated through personal efforts or deliberate management. On the other hand, it implies a desire for "self-expansion".
In the eyes of China people, "face" often represents a kind of prestige and status, which is obtained through success and showing off. China people love face the most. From ancient times to modern times, it is deeply rooted in the hearts of China people. Both emperors and generals and civilians in cloth have such a face-saving complex.
No matter which dynasty the emperor loves face, the so-called theory of monarch and minister is also a manifestation of loving face. The courtiers should be respectful and obedient to the king to show the dignity and face of the emperor. Therefore, there are only a handful of admonishers in the history of China. Even if there was a Wei Zhi, he was killed by Emperor Taizong thousands of times in his heart. This old guy is so rude, he has no dignity of empire, but because of Wei Zhi's protest, he has no respect for the country.
Empress Dowager Cixi was extravagant and wasteful for her birthday, regardless of the country's life and death. Isn't it because she is the queen mother of the Virgin Mary that she should have a decent birthday? Can this ostentation and extravagance be exquisite? Can this momentum not be huge? This face must be said at any time, otherwise it will be laughed at by the whole world.
Then go to Buyi Buyi. It is said that a scholar won the first prize and could only teach the children of local dignitaries. As a result, "the two ends of the first mouse" were called "the two ends of the first application", which was pointed out by dignitaries and did not agree. This is a shameful thing at home. Studying hard for more than ten years almost misled others' children. So after being dismissed, he studied hard behind closed doors, wrote shocking books and cultivated future generations.
Funerals in rural areas can also illustrate this problem. After relatives leave, there will be a lot of ostentation and extravagance. The greater the ostentation and extravagance, the more they respect their loved ones. Whether it is a band or a troupe, or how many tables to set for guests, it all reflects the problem of face.
It's polite to save face for others. This is the etiquette code handed down from ancient times in China. In social occasions, we should pay attention to entertaining others, be auspicious when speaking and doing things, and be polite when others are unhappy. The most taboo thing is to spoil others' fun, and the most disgusting thing is to talk nonsense. When we want to achieve certain speech acts (such as making demands, criticizing or accusing, expressing comfort), in order to take care of the faces of both sides, China people often regard politeness as a pragmatic means and strive for harmony.
When you have to use words to hurt your face, the strategy you take is often to affirm first and then point out the shortcomings, or to agree first and then disagree. This is called "seeking common ground". Only by paying attention to the identity and social status of oneself and others, knowing how to safeguard the "face" of others, and being able to implement commensurate speech acts and strive for harmony, will it be considered polite. Therefore, people tend to be cautious in interpersonal communication. If something offends others, it's also a big deal. However, sometimes, it is common to blurt out casually and act rashly on impulse.
China people's face-saving efforts in communication with others are mostly based on the basic strategy of not letting themselves and others lose face or maintaining their own face. There is a kind of wisdom behind this strategy. The purpose of this practice is not only to maintain the face of both sides, but also to achieve social harmony.
Losing face often makes people feel ashamed, humiliated and embarrassed. In order to avoid losing face, people in China are often desperate to lose face. Xiang Yu, the overlord of the place of Chu who defeated Wujiang, "I crossed the river with eight thousand children from Jiangdong, and now no one has come back. I pity my elders in Jiangdong, how can I see them! " Xiang Yu had no face to face his elders in Jiangdong and drew his sword to kill himself.
Uncle Boyi, an old minister of Yin, got up and attacked him. He went to shouyangshan to eat wild vegetables in a rage and decided not to eat because of starvation. Later, someone said to me, "Is the land of the king leading to the land shore?" Is it Wang Chen, the wild vegetables you ate in shouyangshan belong to the Zhou Emperor? " Uncle Boyd had nothing to say, so he had to starve to death to save face. This is called "saving face".
But if you don't want to lose face, what kind of scene is it? When people no longer care about their own face and dignity, the problem is serious. How many red people on the internet have no sense of shame, and they don't care about losing face when they appear frequently. They use their photos to attract the attention of idle people and create popularity for themselves, and they are bent on showing off their fame. As a result, everyone knows it and they are really famous. Some people have no sense of shame, and rude sentences are called so-called poems after being disconnected by the enter key. They have lost face in the literary world, and it is not just individuals who have lost face.
All the noise in the world is for profit, and all the people are for profit. Many people bend down for the benefit, walk away when they meet important people, and even betray the country for their own benefit. In diplomacy, they bow and scrape, have no dignity at all, and have a flattering face. This shameless little man has long torn his face and will do anything for the benefit. What a pity!
Speaking of face, if appropriate, will play a considerable role in restraining your words and deeds and maintaining a sense of shame. Too much will make people immortal and vain. The so-called "punching a swollen face and filling a fat man" is a satire on such people. "Shame" can easily make people lose their sense of shame, or even have no sense of shame. This is the so-called "shameless".
There are many reasons for this face problem, including China's cultural psychology of more than 5,000 years. Some things are deep-rooted, not many years, and neither good nor bad. As a kind of cultural psychology, under the long river of history, some things that have survived still shine with the glory of history.