The book describes the cruelty and ruthlessness of the heroine Xue Sui, covering up her mother's real death from the ruins and framing her good friends Jiang and Cang Qiao Xiangmiao. At the end of the plot, we also understand that the important reason for Xuesui's extreme behavior lies in her childhood sexual assault experience and the resulting inferiority complex.
Each of us will have inferiority complex in our hearts, which is the ultimate cause of extreme behavior. How to correctly understand inferiority complex and solve and surpass it? The book Inferiority and Transcendence gives us the answer. The first thing we should understand is that "cooperation is the only way to solve all inferiority complex" sounds difficult to understand, and the article will give an explanation.
What is 0 1 inferiority complex? How should we know inferiority complex?
Alfred adler explained in the book Inferiority and Transcendence:
When individuals do not make proper preparations and responses to the problems they face, once they think they can't solve them, inferiority complex appears. Because inferiority often causes tension, there is a compulsion for superiority, rather than solving problems.
For example, in a work meeting, everyone sits around a table to discuss problems, and everyone uses their brains to express their ideas. Once their ideas are refuted by others, some people begin to satirize the solutions that others have said. "This plan is too expensive, and I am not sure if I can earn it back." "This risk is too great. What if I lose it? " "No, no ..." But no solution was given.
When others question my own point of view and I am not ready to accept it, the inferiority complex mode begins. At this time, my behavior no longer points to solving the problem itself, but to how I should protect myself, gain a sense of superiority from other aspects, and not let you look down on me.
The performance of inferiority complex in social life is very complicated. One is "positive" behavior represented by strong self-esteem, arrogance, anger and boasting. One is the negative internal friction behavior represented by silence, doubt and fear; There is also an irregular switch between the two, but no matter what kind of performance, the purpose is to find a "sense of superiority" to make up for the inner deficiency.
In Nocturnal Walking, Xuesui was sexually assaulted by her mother, and her painful childhood caused her deep inferiority. In the novel, Xuesui has a monologue: "There is no sun in my sky, but it is not dark, because something has replaced the sun. Although it is not as bright as the sun, it is enough for me. With this lamp, I can treat night as day. I have never seen the sun, so I am not afraid to lose it. "
Because of my inferiority complex, I had to look for a sense of superiority. I found a Jiang, whose looks and knowledge were unremarkable. As a good friend, I invaded Fujimura, distracted her attention at school, and framed Cang Qiao Xiangmiao, the girlfriend of the person I like.
All these behaviors caused by inferiority will cause trouble and harm to others and themselves to some extent.
We are experiencing many things every day. Of course, there are some things that we have not prepared and dealt with, but if we concentrate on solving problems and controlling emotional deviation, our sense of inferiority will appear or not appear to a small extent.
What is the source of inferiority complex?
Many opinions and books point out that most adults' inferiority complex, extreme behavior and even insanity all come from childhood mental injury. This book also agrees with this, but it also supplements other situations that will lead to this phenomenon, which will supplement your cognition.
? 1. The influence of family is hurt in contact.
Mother's influence
Mother is the first contact when a child is born, and it is also an important contact that affects the child's future personality development.
Whether a mother likes her children or treats them as trouble is particularly important, because the younger the children, the easier it is to perceive the world. At the same time, the mother's performance also greatly affects the way a child is educated at home, whether it is loved by the border, spoiled or ignored.
Children with inferiority complex are treated in two opposite ways in childhood: neglected and spoiled; Neglected children lack the ability of love and cooperation, and do not know how to correctly handle interpersonal communication and properly handle affairs; Spoiled children also lack the ability to cooperate and regard their own needs as legal provisions. Everyone should meet my needs. Once their needs are not met, they will have self-doubt. Why does the world do this to me?
Father's influence
Father's influence on children will be behind. At this time, the mother needs to associate the child's emotions with the father, and the father should also respond positively. Otherwise, children's emotional development will be hindered or even contained.
In a large part of families in China, the role of the father is absent, and if one parent is absent, the child will often bear this part of the responsibility, which will bring psychological pressure to the child, produce a sense of inferiority, and at the same time hinder the child's correct expectation of the male role.
When children are going to get married in the future, they don't have a cognition of men's position in marriage, so they will have inferiority complex in family communication. Some boys choose to escape, repeat their father's behavior, ignore the sexual treatment for future children, repeat the same mistakes and endanger the family. Girls are more miserable. For them, it will lower their expectations of their husbands and muddle along.
The influence of parents' marital relationship
The book Inferiority and Transcendence says: "Children who are unhappy in marriage will grow up under a pessimistic view of marriage unless their initial impression is corrected."
I once talked to a very close friend, and she told me that she might have premarital phobia. A little neglect of her boyfriend will bring her great sadness and injustice, which will make her lose confidence in her future marriage and even want to divorce.
My best friend's parents have bad feelings, and they often quarrel and even fight. I think that's the reason. Children who are unhappy in marriage are pessimistic about marriage, and the ways to keep their marriage happy are unknown. The unknown is fear.
Marriage is the cooperation between parents. If children can't learn how to cooperate from their parents' marriage, or even learn a wrong way of cooperation, then most of them will not handle the relationship between husband and wife in the future, and even carry this tragedy on to the next generation.
2. It is difficult to establish a connection between school influence, severity and punishment.
In the current school education, children are more prepared for competition than cooperation at the beginning of school, and the training for competition lasts the whole school time.
For example, school interviews are suitable for children of schools and parents, transcripts posted at the door of classrooms, and grades of seniors displayed on campus.
Under this system, schools generally adopt a short-sighted education method, that is, severity and punishment, because students compete for grades and specialties, teachers compete for class average scores and ratings, and schools compete for senior high school entrance examinations and college entrance examinations.
However, severity and punishment are two taboos in school education, and it is difficult to establish contact between middle school students and teachers. Some children are good at playing truant and pretending to be sick. Can you call him stupid? Is your IQ not high? No, why don't you behave well at school? Many teachers think that reprimanding and punishment are good methods, but they are often ineffective or even counterproductive. Why is reprimanding and punishment not a good idea?
Because a child with poor grades will feel inferior, his series of actions are aimed at getting attention and getting pleasure (superiority). If you say that my grades are not good, I am good at making trouble. Your reprimand and punishment show that I am good at this, so I continue to make trouble.
What's wrong with the nature of children's disruptive behavior? Wrong direction; It is wrong for teachers not to communicate with students. Once there is severity and punishment, it is difficult for children to establish contact with teachers. Only when they are connected can they really be educated, and the best way to educate a person is to improve his self-esteem when he does the right thing.
How can we overcome inferiority and transcend inferiority?
Inferiority is mainly formed in childhood and adolescence. From the perspective of the elderly, if you are a parent or a teacher, you need to pay attention to the causes of inferiority complex and take measures to avoid hurting your children and students as much as possible. From the perspective of self-salvation, the following three points teach you how to overcome inferiority and transcend inferiority.
1. Make contributions to the whole society and explain the true meaning of your life.
Everyone has different ways to interpret the meaning of his life, but the real meaning of life is by no means completely personalized. The true meaning of life has universal significance: "Build your life on the contribution to others' lives". It's really hard for me to feel inferior when I think that everything I do is beneficial to others!
Confucius said, "The benevolent has no worries". People's Daily Tik Tok published the last video of Lin Junde before his death: "I can't lie down, but I can't get up when I lie down ..." Academician Lin Junde was born in a poor mountain village, and his tuition was loans and subsidies. Fifty-two years later, he stuck to the Gobi Desert in Lop Nur. Facing the difficulties and obstacles in his work, he made a final contribution to the national defense science and technology of the motherland firmly and proudly when the deadline came.
Embarrassed life and dangerous work will make most people feel inferior, but some are only proud, practical, happy and inferior, even if they care about the motherland, society and dedication.
To make a general contribution to the whole society, you don't need to achieve great success, but do it when you have a lot of money. No matter what your professional nature is, farmers, employees, freelancers, presidents and philanthropists are all giving back to the goodwill of others, paying value for society, realizing this, and then making contributions on their own initiative and reinterpreting their lofty meaning in life, and things will become different.
2. Accept the three connections of life and learn to cooperate.
There are three inevitable connections in our life: occupation, society and sex. Generally speaking, you will inevitably communicate with colleagues, friends, strangers, partners and children in the workplace. If you can cooperate with them well, then a person will rarely have psychological problems.
Adler said: "Psychology is actually solving the defects in cooperation." We and some people around us sometimes take the initiative to refuse others' cooperation and pretend not to see it when we meet on the road. Younger brothers and sisters want to help you revise your paper, but you say no, I can do it myself, but I can't. One of the husband and wife pretended not to understand because they couldn't put down their face, and apologized for yesterday's quarrel; The child got a score of 100, and his eyes were shining. He wanted you to praise him, but you ignored him because you were shy. ...
Cooperation not only refers to the cooperation between a group of people in order to achieve a specific goal set by one person, but also refers to all emotional expressions, behaviors, psychological hints and so on between two or more people.
We should take the initiative to feel the connection between ourselves and occupation, society and gender, and think about how to treat others well and establish good cooperative relations. This is not for the society, but for ourselves, for our own happiness, for our own sense of value, for our own sense of security, for others to appreciate and recognize us in the cooperative relationship, so as to gradually eliminate our inner inferiority, complete the transcendence of inferiority and realize our own value.
3. Be brave to contact others and eliminate inner inferiority from others' feedback.
All our inferiority complex comes from people in the final analysis, because some people's words and actions lead us to feel inferior when facing a certain kind of people, a certain kind of events or certain situations.
For example, a girl with freckles has been laughed at by a boy, so this girl may feel inferior and even avoid getting along with boys in the future. In the future, girls may get rid of freckles on their faces through medical beauty, but the inferiority complex in the process of getting along with boys may still exist. In other words, a boy's words caused him to have an inferiority complex when facing all men.
This girl may feel inferior when she meets a beautiful woman and hears others say cosmetics. This is because a person's words make her feel inferior when facing some situations.
But if you want to get rid of inferiority complex, you must have the courage to be interested in others. We know that one person cannot represent the whole people, and several people cannot represent the whole people. Life itself is not enough to make people feel inferior. What makes them unable to keep their heads down is to regard their paintings as prisons, summon up courage to try to establish contact and cooperation with others, and gradually eliminate their inner inferiority from others' feedback.
Summary:
Xuesui was not properly guided by her family when she was a child, and her father died when she was a child. Xue Sui, who has nothing to do with her father, is calm and sensible, which children of the same age do not have. Later, she was "abandoned" by her mother and became Tong Yuanyang Jie's "adopted daughter". In fact, she was sexually assaulted by her children and suffered great psychological trauma and humiliation.
The more a person lacks, the more he wants to show it. Xuesui chooses to pursue charm, Excellence and wealth, trying to cover up her deep inferiority. Turn mother's suicide into accidental death, force classmates and friends who also get attention to get the only attention from people around them, steal bank cards, steal games to get huge amounts of money, and so on. Revenge on society and people around you to enrich themselves, but they have not been redeemed.
Each of us will have a sense of inferiority in our hearts more or less. He is not a "mistake", so we don't have to worry about the existence of inferiority complex. On the contrary, inferiority will become a driving force in our hearts. As long as we use the right methods to eliminate inferiority complex, we will always find a better self, thus surpassing inferiority complex.
From the guidance of graduation thesis of art design major, it is found that there are some problems in students' attitude towards the thesis,