Introduction-don't love wrongly because of loneliness, and don't be lonely all your life because of wrong love.

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Love is undoubtedly one of the most concerned topics for college students. College students' love is no longer "still hiding half a face behind the guitar in front of us". It's fascinating, touching the students' heartstrings and making people look forward to it. However, the problem of love is one of the most puzzling problems for students, which seriously affects their study, life and even the healthy development of their personality. Therefore, paying attention to college students' love psychology and cultivating their correct love behavior have become an important part of college students' mental health education.

At present, it is common for college students to fall in love, and it is on the rise. Their sense of social responsibility, moral concept, attitude towards love, and the handling of the relationship between love and learning are all immature. At present, college students' love can be summarized by "three changes";

1. Popularization At present, among college students, it is no exaggeration to say that there is "love fever" or "love wind". According to the survey, the number of college students in love accounts for about one-third of the total, and the number of seniors is as high as 50~60%, while the students who are in favor of love account for about 95% of the total number of students.

2. Younger college students have always been in love, but most of them used to be older students, which is the so-called "double harvest of study and love". Nowadays, many junior students fail in their studies, but they fall in love first, and some just enter the love circle when they enter the university. According to incomplete statistics, the number of junior one students in love was only 5% five years ago, but now it has reached about 15%.

3. Openness In the past, college students paid great attention to the subtlety and profundity of the oriental nation when they fell in love. Love is in a state of "underground activity" and is often unknown. Nowadays, college students are not only afraid of being known by others, but also have a mentality of deliberately letting people know. Nowadays, as long as you step into the university campus, you can see young couples making love in public, and no one is watching.

At present, college students usually reflect the psychological characteristics of love:

1. Curiosity about sex-formed by the sexual impulse and sexual intimacy requirements caused by physical maturity.

2. The eagerness for success is directly related to the special crowd atmosphere of talents, manners and beautiful women in colleges and universities. Some male college students stubbornly believe that girls who have no boyfriends after graduation are all left behind by others.

3. Dependence psychology-it is caused by the loneliness of the only child and the habit of caring for others. Love motivation, which belongs to "emotional sustenance", lacks independent consciousness and self-reliance ability and is easily frustrated.

4. Psychological compensation-triggered by utilitarian love motives, that is, I hope to get social status and economic compensation from my loved ones.

5. Psychology of Dance Academy-His love motives are: satisfying the desire to communicate with the opposite sex, seeking excitement, filling spiritual emptiness, and even having premarital sex. They love each other, play with each other and lose each other, which is a kind of enjoyment and consumption outside marriage.

As a special social group, college students' future life will be turbulent, and their graduation distribution and employment are still unknown. Even if you get true love, you may be far apart after graduation. Therefore, it is natural for college students to have a love mentality of "not seeking eternity, only caring about what they once had".

Many college students feel that there are many incomprehensible mental dilemmas or psychological puzzles in love. There are three reasons:

First, in the minds of college students, the gap between the ideal and reality of love gives people an unspeakable sense of loss. In other words, I have always believed that there is perfect love, but the reality is that there is no perfect man or woman and no perfect self.

Secondly, there are many factors that can make a love successful, such as age, appearance, conduct, personality, culture, occupation, interests, hobbies, economic status, nationality, religious beliefs, political attitudes and so on. Maybe just one aspect of mutual appreciation and recognition came together, or maybe just broke up because I didn't like it a little. As we all know, it takes time to reach a tacit understanding in many aspects, and it takes mutual understanding and joint efforts to establish a permanent love and happy family.

Thirdly, it is caused by the psychological characteristics of college students' love, which is caused by the younger age, openness, rapid progress and diversification of love. Specifically, because their level is still low, they are too shallow and lack a deep understanding and correct judgment of a person's experience; Because they are too emotional and extroverted, they blindly sweep away the traditional way of love with implicit and deep beauty; Because they are young and impulsive, the development of love is easily controlled by the development of sexual physiology and psychology; Because they are facing a realistic society with diversified life values ... so the psychological dilemma of love is natural.

One of the psychological dilemmas of love:

I always feel that I lack the attraction of being loved. Some people often feel inferior because they have no lover, think that they are not attractive to the opposite sex, think that others look down on themselves, dare not communicate with the opposite sex, and are even more afraid of making mistakes in front of the opposite sex. They have to avoid contact with the opposite sex to protect their self-esteem and try their best to cover up their inner pain and loss.

There are two main reasons for the above psychological dilemma: First, there is deviation in self-evaluation. Such students often care too much about what others think of them, but never seriously consider how to give themselves an objective evaluation; The second is the misunderstanding of the attraction of love and the lack of scientific cognition. On the surface, it seems that people's psychology of choosing a spouse is more inclined to external charm. In fact, most male and female college students think that personality, talent, psychological fit, personality and hobbies are more attractive when choosing the opposite sex. With the growth of grades, college students are becoming more and more practical about the conditions for choosing love objects. Generally, I will no longer "follow my feelings" or only care about "having".

Therefore, college students with such psychological difficulties should look for their own strengths from all aspects, excavate and sort out their own bright spots and characteristics that can attract others, learn to change their way of thinking, and compare their strengths with others' shortcomings in order to enhance their self-confidence and accept themselves; Secondly, learn dialectical thinking and see the two sides of things. Is a person attractive to the opposite sex? Do you have to have a suitable lover during college? Doesn't mean what your future life will be like. "belated love" may be true love, and puppy love may disappear early.

The common "love halo effect" in college students' love process will inevitably produce "cognitive bias" and "evaluation bias" for themselves, especially for each other, which is the key to serious psychological obstacles after unrequited love and lovelorn love. Boldly associate with students of the opposite sex, participate in collective activities and recreational activities with students of the opposite sex, understand and observe students of the opposite sex whom you admire, and at the same time understand their psychological characteristics of love expectation, shorten the psychological gap between true self and ideal self, adjust the contradiction between internal expectation and external expectation of love psychology, and correct love motivation and value orientation. Generally speaking, even when playing tricks on each other, you also play tricks on yourself. When you can't accept yourself, you should also find out each other's shortcomings and give yourself more positive psychological hints. The key points are as follows: first, there is no perfect man or perfect woman in the world; Second, a man who is good at pleasing women may make you regret it, and vice versa; Third, the self-esteem of men and women cannot be affirmed by each other; Fourth, the higher the expectation of choosing the ideal lover, the worse the outcome. It will get twice the result with half the effort.

The second psychological dilemma of love:

It is difficult for heterosexual friends who can be lovers to find this psychological dilemma in love because their understanding of friendship and love is still superficial and they lack scientific understanding of social interpersonal relationships, which proves that their sexual psychological development really lags behind the maturity of sexual physiology. Of course, it does not rule out the influence and psychological impact of complex interpersonal relationships formed by rapid social development and concept renewal on college students.

Reveal the naturalness, sociality and complexity of love and guide college students to have subjective intentions and conform to nature in the process of courtship. Rebellious psychology, conformity psychology, love illusion, etc. In choosing a spouse, it will be counterproductive and easy to hurt yourself and your classmates. In this sense, most of the psychological difficulties in the process of love come from oneself. To this end, we should learn to control our feelings in the communication with the opposite sex, dare to say "no", don't flatter ourselves, and don't mistake infatuation for love.

The third psychological dilemma of love:

I don't know how to face the phenomenon of premarital sex and "trial marriage", which is related to the maturity of college students' sexual psychological development and the particularity of their roles, the influence of "sexual freedom and sexual liberation" in the west, and the weakness of sex education in schools in China and the improper publicity of mass media.

With regard to college students' love psychology, the focus of counseling is to optimize their love, marriage, sex science and social knowledge, and to strengthen their sense of responsibility, that is, to assume different contents and degrees of responsibility for themselves, their friends, their parents, society and the collective. Specific practices:

First, set up counseling courses to guide college students to correctly handle love and study, love and success, love and physical and mental health, love and personality shaping, as well as health knowledge education in sexual physiology, psychology and society;

The second is to further provide college students with opportunities and conditions for psychological counseling in love;

The third is to provide college students with the opportunity to use professional knowledge to serve the society, so that they can feel the successful psychological experience of serving the society and realizing their own values.

In short, college students should have a correct view of love, which will play a positive role in their self-understanding, self-improvement, self-development and self-transcendence. Therefore, we should treat the phenomenon of college students' love correctly and actively guide it. In particular, we should learn to rationally handle a series of contradictions and choices arising from love. Only with a correct and reasonable view of love can our college life be icing on the cake because of love.

My view on psychology:

The problem of college students' mental health has seriously restricted the realization of the goal of talent training in colleges and universities, and changing the current situation of college students' mental health has become a top priority for higher education in China. How to maintain the mental health of college students requires our long-term exploration and efforts, as well as the extensive attention and participation of society. The road ahead is tortuous, but it is also bright. With the deepening of China's educational system reform and the re-understanding and attention of colleges and universities to mental health, the mental health problems of college students will be gradually solved.

It is very necessary for us college students to offer psychology courses. On the one hand, psychology comes from our life all the time. It is not only close to us when doing research, but also close to us as long as we contact and communicate with people in our lives. On the other hand, as a college student, our mental health is also an important issue that we and society are paying more and more attention to.

Psychology is not only scientific, but also applied. Mind learning is boring, but with examples, it is not boring, but it gives people a feeling of realizing philosophy from life and broadens their horizons. Psychology comes from life and guides it. For almost every young man, it seems that he knows himself best; Of course, I am no exception. To tell the truth, I always thought so before I came into contact with the mysterious course of psychology. However, with the in-depth study of psychology courses, I found that there were many deviations in my previous views: I always overestimated myself when going uphill, as if everything I wanted was at my fingertips, and I often regarded luck and opportunity as part of my ability, overjoyed and even a little self-righteous; When frustrated, they often underestimate themselves and regard all the difficulties and disadvantages they encounter as their own incompetence, so that what they do is always extreme. After studying the psychology course, I gradually found it important to learn to adjust my mentality. In addition, the most important thing in applied psychology is to establish psychological experience. No matter what kind of theory, psychological experience should be formed as much as possible, and repeated contact and more experience should be made according to certain methods, so that psychology can be truly applied to life and help us solve various problems in life.

This course of psychology also made me understand the different characteristics of different people. Everyone's personality has good and bad sides, and we can't live in one direction. Psychological tests let us know what kind of person we belong to, what is the gap between our position and the actual position, and how to know our life and personality. Psychology has found a different self in different ways. Psychology is a magical science, which helps everyone find their true self and open the key to their own mind. I think everyone should have had all kinds of ups and downs in the process of juvenile growth. Perhaps through laughter in psychology class, we can happily walk through the shadow of adolescence and move towards a brighter tomorrow.

With the development of society and the progress of human beings, the role and significance of psychology in real life will become more and more important. Psychology has a great reaction to physiology, and mental health directly affects physical health. In today's era of informationization, high-tech and global economic integration, due to the accelerated pace of life, intensified competition, updated concepts and changes in social life, people have greater psychological pressure, psychological maladjustment and psychological imbalance, and more and more psychological setbacks. "Mental health" and "mental health" have become the theme of human development in the new century. Through psychological counseling and other activities, people's inner emotions can be vented and alleviated, and some things and concepts can be corrected cognitively, thus creating a good psychological environment and working environment, improving adaptability, improving work and study efficiency and enhancing psychology. Through learning, I understand that human psychological development, like the development of other things, is a process from low to high, from simple to complex, from quantitative change to qualitative change. At the same time, it is a marginal science between social science and natural science. But also understand and master the psychological development characteristics of children, adolescents, middle-aged and elderly people in different life stages. In our daily work and life, we can do some useful work according to different people, use correct psychological methods, minimize conflicts and use psychological knowledge to resolve some contradictions. I realized that besides the ocean, the biggest sight in the world is the sky, and there is a bigger sight than the sky, that is, people's inner activities. People's inner activities are different and vary widely.

In addition, the study of psychology is of great significance to our future education. On the issue of education, we can use the principles of psychology to communicate, vent and guide. For example, through the study of children's psychology, we can understand the psychological characteristics of different age groups and help students solve their psychological problems in adolescence preventively or pertinently. Use psychological knowledge and means to educate students with scientific expectations and insightful appreciation, strive to create opportunities for students to participate and succeed, and carry out purposeful outward bound training and psychological activity classes.

In short, facing the current situation of college students' psychological problems, we college students should learn to use psychological knowledge to adjust ourselves under the guidance of teachers, and at the same time, we should have a further understanding of psychology while solving our own problems.