I only remember that when I was seven years old, she treated me like a big cat, making me gnash my teeth and feel helpless.
At the age of seven, we moved to this quadrangle in Ximen Hutong. Because I was young and stubborn, I just had side effects in the huge project of moving, so my father put me at his good friend Uncle Liu's house, and then I fell asleep on the spacious sofa. Tired from moving around, I slept on a strange sofa and had one dream after another, all of which were nightmares. One of them was pushed back by the tiger step by step, and my parents were moving their beloved furniture for their dying son ... I woke up sweating and opened my eyes to see a chubby face looking at me. I was so scared that I let out a loud cry of "Ah". Then there was a series of loud cries in Uncle Liu's house. It's a good thing I'm not the one crying. It's a pity that adults think Ann is bullied by me. It wasn't until many days later that five-year-old Ann babbled to clarify this matter that I was able to rehabilitate. Unfortunately, at that time, they believed that Ann was bewitched or even intimidated by me, so they put in a good word for me without conscience. Alas, these adults!
Since Ann said something fair, but it was considered a sin to me, the four adults reached an understanding: I am very close to Ann. So, let me call Ann my sister. I was hesitating to put forward an additional condition, such as eating a piece of chocolate, when Ann called out "Brother" sweetly. Afraid of my mother's plot, I reluctantly answered, as if I had suffered a big loss.
Since then, I have shouldered the responsibility of loving and protecting Ann. When she is in a bad mood, I have to repair and maintain her. Anyway, I have been a flower protector since I was seven years old, provided that An An is a flower. In fact, eight years later, she proved that she was.
When Ann was six, I was eight. I am in grade two, while she is in grade one. I wonder if the school stipulates that girls should enter school one year earlier than boys. Anyway, that's the fashion in our place. I took Ann by the hand and went to school every day for six years until she surpassed me at the age of twelve. From that day on, instead of going to school hand in hand, we went to school by bike.
This is an eventful autumn. Ann and I learned what love is that year-please don't get me wrong, it's not that there is love between me and her, but that we saw the outline of love together. At that time, a young widow lived upstairs in the south courtyard of our quadrangle. It is said that she was married three times (I told Ann that this is a record that any woman can be proud of), and three men died. Maybe it was because she was tired of getting married, or because she cried after three funerals. The young widow vowed never to get married again. But the appearance of a driver disturbed her firmness. The rich driver strode into the young widow's heart like a strong bull, making her barren heart full of spring flowers at once. So on a sunny morning, the young widow happily followed the rich driver. Even the furniture hasn't been touched, just a small bag was twisted. In the adult's ambiguous eyes and flashing words, I guessed the exciting word love and security. At that time, I solemnly told Ann that there must be love between the widow and the driver, and Ann nodded in agreement. The widow left with her love and bag, leaving an empty house. Because I am good at unlocking, the room upstairs in the South Yard has since become a paradise for Ann and me. There are many children's toys in the room, such as building blocks, cars, dolls and transformers. These things are probably prepared by the original owner for the future son, because there was once a young widow (of course, she was not widowed at that time. ) The belly is obviously bulging. Her husband's homework at that time was to touch his bulging belly with his hand, then listen with his ears, and then happily go to the store to buy children's toys. Every day. Probably later, he found that his son refused to come out for a long time and was tired of buying toys, so he kicked his legs and went to see God. So his wife cried and went to the doctor to suppress her stomach. And then continue to assume the duties of a widow. The relationship between adults is complicated, and I can't study it clearly. I just found that there were many interesting things in the room after the widow left, including several comic books and a novel called Jin Ping Mei, which was a pornographic book at that time, because there were some descriptions of love in it. I bravely suspect that this book created the love between the widow and the driver. I didn't like reading novels at that time. By the time I have the patience to finish reading the novel, it has not been banned. I immediately lost interest in it and regretted missing an opportunity to read banned books.
The train carried my endless attachment and staggered to distant Shanghai. I suddenly shed tears. I don't know whether I am happy or not. I know I have completely fallen in love with Ann.
After I got to school, I wrote a long letter to Ann, which only introduced the beautiful and prosperous Shanghai and our school. At the end of the letter, there is a message of youth, so that An An can be admitted quickly and start a new era with me. A month later, I tasted the pain of lovesickness and began to keep a diary. The next month, I couldn't help myself, so I called Ann and told her I loved you. There was silence. I lost my temper and comforted her and said, don't be afraid, you don't have to love me if you are not used to it. Who knows that she suddenly said something that plunged me into a gentle country: Come back quickly and let's go to the South Building for a date.
Finally, I survived the winter vacation and jumped on the train back to Chengdu without packing. In the past six months, considering that Ann has entered senior three, I have only sent one tenth of my letters to her. At the moment, the train is out of breath because of missing, crawling slowly on the tracks.
As soon as I got off the train, I looked at Ann. I couldn't help wearing a crystal necklace I bought all over Shanghai. Ann has obviously lost a lot of weight. Although her face is filled with the excitement of meeting each other, it is as haggard as malnutrition. I whispered with heartache, are you nervous about your study? Don't worry too much, the college entrance examination is not terrible, and you are sure to pass it. Hmm. Ann answered sadly.
When I got home, I began to show off my mysterious girlfriend to my parents. I smiled when I saw my father's surprised expression, and said, Your future daughter-in-law is Ann. It's no use if you don't object.
That winter vacation was my happiest day. Ann and I chose a sunny afternoon to go to the widow's room for a date. When we walked into childhood Little Paradise, I didn't know what to do when faced with dusty tables and chairs. Ann and I have lived together for more than ten years and laughed together for more than ten years. Now we are in the sacred moment of dating, but we are at a loss. Finally, I broke the embarrassment. Once I suggested cleaning the room and got Ann's consent. In the process of cleaning, I found Ann particularly energetic, just like cleaning her own house. I admit that labor is glorious and great.
Later, we went to the wonton stall to eat wonton. This small shop is of great significance. It is a witness that I shed blood for Ann, and my sister fell in love with Ann. Ann and I are full of longing for happiness and left our young footprints on the streets of Chengdu with great interest. The face is full of happiness, just like when the primary school follows the teacher to look forward to productism. At that time, I was worried that there should be seasoned potato chips for productism. Now I hope to stay with me for a lifetime.
The winter vacation passed quickly, and I tried my best to go back to school and start the countdown to the college entrance examination in An 'an.
The days passed slowly, and suddenly I found that there were twenty-four hours in a day, which was so long!
Finally survived another semester. When I went home to see Ann, she was thinner. The long hair she had left for me had been cut into short hair, like a tomboy. I joked, are you imitating Sister Thirteen? Ann said with a sad expression in her eyes, I'm sorry, Feng, but I didn't get into the Second Medical University. Then her tears came out. I want to ask her if she is joking, because Ann's grades are always good. But seeing her sad expression, I held back. I hugged her and said, it doesn't matter, I will always love you, whether we are together or not. I feel sad to see Ann's expression. I don't know how difficult the college entrance examination is, but I am so tired of Ann.
Ann was admitted to Sichuan University later. Although she was in Chengdu, her parents didn't go to see me off because of me. I thank them for giving me this opportunity. I took Ann's hand and walked in Sichuan University again and again. When I left, I kissed her on the forehead and said, I will write and call you often, and so will you. Hmm. She nodded vigorously. My heart was broken when I saw two crystal tears falling silently from her eyes.
Back to school, I immediately wrote to Ann, reported the new things here, and racked my brains to tell her jokes, trying to dispel the shadow brought by the college entrance examination. I have been writing and calling, but my replies are getting less and less, and I often can't find anyone by phone. At first, the person who answered the phone said "she went to dinner" and "she went shopping", but later she simply said she went home. I know Ann is avoiding me on purpose. I called my mother and she said she didn't know. Ann has been fine. I guess what happened at one o'clock. In fact, this conjecture is not in line with my usual high IQ. It insulted my clever calculation style. At this point, of course, something happened. The question is what happened. This is the key.
I spent a year in anxiety and wild speculation.
Until one day in June, I received a short message from Ann. I have never seen such a short letter, but Ann let me read it. Ann said, Feng, after coming for so long, I finally figured it out that we are not suitable to be together. Sorry, forget me and take good care of yourself.
I am as angry as a donkey. If Ann is in front of me, I will shave her nose and say that you are lying to me again. But Anyuan is in Chengdu, and she is no longer the ten-year-old child. My first reaction was to call Ann and tell her that if the game was not fun, I wouldn't play it. The person who answered the phone spit out "she went home" from the nasal cavity and hung up the phone. How rude! But now I have no time to educate this little sister. I just want to find my peace. I called her home and found it was empty. I called home again. Thank God my father is at home. Dad was silent for a while before saying, son, you forgot to be safe. She has found another boyfriend. Son, you can't blame Ann. Son, find a new girlfriend. We all support you.
No, I just want peace. I yelled at him, forgetting that he was my father and that I was in a public place, which attracted others' attention.
Son, listen to your father, don't blame Ann, don't be sad.
Son, son ...
I've gone far.
The young man behind me grabbed the phone and shouted angrily, I'm your father. I should have rushed to argue with him, but I really didn't have the strength to care about it at that moment.
I can't listen to my father.-for peace. But for my father's sake, I have to listen to Ann. Besides, they are not at all contradictory. Ann wants me to forget her? May I? May I? I can't.
I never thought that one day I would fall in love with Ann. I never thought she would leave me like this.
Since then, all my letters to Ann have fallen into the sea. I can't reach Ann on the phone. My mother told me that An 'an's family had already moved out of the quadrangle, and now I don't know where to move. She managed to persuade me to forget peace. I was disheartened and said that I could forget peace, not for you, not for my father, but for peace. She wants me to forget, and I won't embarrass her.
I didn't go home that winter vacation. I really want to see Ann again, but I'm even more afraid that I can't accept her decision. I didn't go home in the second summer vacation until the end of my junior year. When I was facing an internship, I remembered that I had a home in Chengdu. So I returned to Chengdu.
The quadrangle is empty, many people have moved away, Ann's house is still empty, and the widow's house is also empty. I don't know when we will move out, and this place doesn't belong to us. I looked up at the old house in this hospital and said to myself, this is like life. They came and went in a hurry, thinking they had taken a lot, but in fact they didn't take anything.
I found Zhang Chun, my best friend in primary school and middle school. We had tea and chatted in the Cultural Park. I was moved by this scene and changed my tea into white wine to continue drinking. The 48-degree drunken shadow poured into the stomach has a burning feeling. I remember Ann caught us smoking in the ladies' room. I led Zhang Chun to fight for Ann. I bought bubble gum for Ann. I ate seasoned potato chips with Ann ... I remembered an Ann. I can't pretend. I told Zhang Chun about me and Ann.
What? Failed the college entrance examination? No That year, the top science student in our city got 697 points, which was An 'an. I remember it very clearly.
Really? You're kidding. I'm already four minutes drunk. I waved my hand and said, then why did she lie to me when she was admitted to Sichuan University?
I don't know.
Don't you know? I tell you, she lied to me. She doesn't want to be with me because she doesn't love me.
You are drunk.
I'm not drunk. I know everything. For two years, I haven't forgotten you, Ann. I haven't forgotten you. I love you, Ann.
I know, you're drunk. Let's go home.
I'm not drunk. You're not Ann. You're an asshole. But it doesn't matter. I like drinking with assholes. Come on, let's have a drink.
That night, I drank too much and was taken to a nearby Chinese medicine hospital by Zhang Chun. That night, his love for me was fully displayed. At first, he sat by the bed and took care of my infusion. Later, he couldn't stand listening to my nonsense and asked the doctor to hang a bottle of glucose and let him lie down.
That dark night, I said a lot, so angry that the doctor on duty locked the door tightly and soundproofed it. I told all the words I had hidden in my heart for two years in the silent night. The next morning, I told Zhang Chun that I wanted to eat flavored potato chips and wonton. Then, Zhang Chun pulled out the needle inserted in his hand and strode out. I said loudly that I would go, too. He came in again and pulled the needle off the back of my hand. Then we went out of the Chinese medicine hospital.
Not far away, I saw a familiar figure coming out of a small building and slowly locking the door. I went up and patted her on the shoulder and called aunt. Then, I saw Ann's mother. I haven't seen her old for two years, and her beautiful face has climbed into wrinkles, and her eyes are flickering.
Where's An An? Auntie. I asked carefully.
Ann? Tears welled up in her eyes,
……
……
I finally know the truth. It is so cruel, but I have been playing a more cruel role unconsciously.
As soon as An An entered the third year of high school, he found that his physical condition was very poor. At first, he thought it was a heavy study pressure. Later, he went to the hospital for examination and learned a bad news: An An got leukemia! I was in Shanghai and wanted to come back and date Ann. Ann decided to hide everything from me. Although I found Ann's haggard, I thought it was because I was too nervous to study.
On the second holiday, I still didn't know the truth when I went home, thinking that Ann failed in the college entrance examination. As a matter of fact, Ann didn't have a good rest in order to be admitted to my school, which led to the decline of her health. She always has unrealistic hopes. When she was admitted to the Second Medical University, a miracle happened and she recovered. It was not until the doctor told her that the college entrance examination was only two years away at most that she gave up applying for the Second Medical University and chose Sichuan University instead. At the same time, in order to cooperate with the treatment, Ann's family also moved to a nearby Chinese medicine hospital. Two years later, the miracle finally didn't happen. Ann has been keeping secrets from me for two years, and persuaded my parents to keep secrets from me together. When she needed me most, she kept it from me and told me to forget her and look for new happiness.
Ann left two months ago. Aunt said with tears.
Did Ann leave me anything? I asked reluctantly.
No, she said you would know, and then closed her eyes. Poor thing, my Ann. ...
My head is about to explode. I think of Ann's haggard face, sad words, sad expression and short hair left by chemotherapy.
Self-study medicine can't be seen for nothing, and love her can't be seen for nothing.
I ran like crazy on the road. Let tears flow through my cheeks and my memory.
Fourteen years ago, Ann appeared in my world. She said I looked like a big cat because I slept on her sofa and my face was dusty.
Fourteen years later, Ann left forever, and I am still like a big cat, because I am sitting alone on someone else's earth, and my heart is full of tears.