1, it is good for everyone to learn to draw a proper psychological boundary.
You may think it's a good thing to be unclear with others, so that everyone can get along as they please, without having to bargain fiercely with each other. This sounds reasonable, but its disadvantage is that others often hurt your feelings without your knowledge.
In fact, if you look around carefully, it is not difficult to find that people with poor marginal ability are prone to morbid phobia. They will not confront the invaders, but prefer to talk to a third party. If we are the one who violates other people's psychological boundaries, we will feel like cold-blooded idiots when we find out the truth. At the same time, we also feel hurt, because we blame ourselves for our mistakes and are indignant because a third party intervened to judge us.
Clear boundaries are good for everyone. You must understand what others can and cannot do to you. When someone violates your psychological boundaries, tell him so that he can be corrected. If you always can't draw a clear psychological boundary, then you need to improve your cognitive level.
2. Find a method that suits you, calm yourself down when you feel that you are losing your mind, keep your blood in your brain and make rational actions.
Americans once joked that when something happens, rational children let blood into their brains and can think intelligently; Savage children let blood enter their limbs, their brains are empty, and they are crazy.
Yes, when blood fills your brain, you are awake and behave normally. On the contrary, when blood flows to your limbs and tongue, you will do stupid things, be impulsive and irritable and say nothing.
In fact, scientific experiments have proved that when we become overly nervous under pressure, blood does leave the cerebral cortex, so we will behave abnormally. At this time, the animal nature in the brain plays a leading role, making us behave like the most primitive animals. You know, in a civilized society, acting like a primitive animal will bring big trouble.
There are many strategies to control emotional outbursts, one of which is to pay attention to your heart rate, which is an accurate ruler to measure emotions. When your heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute, it is very important to rectify your mood. At this rate, the body secretes much more adrenaline than usual. We will lose our minds and become aggressive crickets.
When the blood begins to flow to the limbs again, you can choose the following methods to calm your mood:
1, take a deep breath until you calm down. Take a deep breath slowly and let the air fill the whole lung. Put one hand on your abdomen to make sure you breathe correctly.
2. Talk to yourself. For example, say to yourself, "I'm calming down." Or: "Everything will pass."
3. Some people use hydrotherapy. Taking a hot bath may make your anger and anxiety disappear with the foam in the bathtub.
4. You can also try the method of American psychologist Donna Aidan: think about some unpleasant things, and at the same time put your fingertips on your forehead above your eyebrows, press your thumb on your temple and take a deep breath. According to Aidan, it only takes a few minutes for blood to return to the cerebral cortex, so you can think more calmly.
3. When you want to complain, stop and ask yourself, "Should I continue to endure this seemingly unchangeable situation or change it?"
We call endless complaints nagging. Complaining consumes efforts, has no result, is useless to problems, and rarely makes us feel better.
Almost everyone finds that if we confide our dissatisfaction to a sympathetic third party, we will feel better and he will be angry with them. Someone says to you, "poor baby." This is a great comfort to you. Your stress seems to have eased, and you can face the original situation again, although things have not changed.
But if you don't complain, you will feel great psychological pressure. Sometimes stress is not a bad thing, yes, it may make you feel uncomfortable, but it is also a force to make changes. Once the pressure is relieved, it is easy for people to maintain the status quo. However, if stress is not lost in complaining, it will accumulate and reach a limit, forcing you to take action to change the status quo.
So, when you are ready to complain to a sympathetic friend, ask yourself: should I reduce the pressure and maintain the status quo, or should the pressure continue to urge me to change all this? If it is the former, then complain to drive away the pressure. Everyone complains sometimes, which will make us feel good for a while. But if the situation really needs to change, then make up your mind and act!
4. Sweep away everything that wastes energy.
What is the driving force that is not conducive to improving our EQ? The answer is everything that wastes energy.
Many people have thick calluses on their nervous system, just like their father's hands. We are used to not knowing the energy consumption. Energy is subtle, but you can also experience obvious changes. For example, when you hear good news, adrenaline will surge, and when you hear bad news, you will feel exhausted. We usually don't notice the subtle consumption of energy, such as getting along with a negative person, looking for a piece of paper everywhere on the table and so on.
What are the things in your life that slowly consume energy? There is a rug in the corner of my house. Every time I see it, I think someone might trip over it. This problem is not big, but it distracts my energy. This is our definition of distraction-we feel distracted after every contact. Sometimes friends do the same-they absorb and give energy to each other-but some are energetic vampires who only absorb your energy. At this time, there are two choices: first, face up to this problem, establish psychological boundaries, and continue to communicate with them cautiously; The other is to reduce contact with such people.
Indeed, we need to get rid of those things that waste energy slowly and concentrate on improving our emotional intelligence.
Want to accelerate-you can choose to reduce resistance or increase propulsion.
Try the method we provide:
1, always list things that consume your energy.
2. Systematically analyze the list and divide it into two parts:
First, you can make a difference.
B, it cannot be changed.
3. Solve the problems in List A one by one. For example, for me, hang the car keys on a fixed hook so that I don't have to look everywhere.
4. Look at the questions in Table B again. Are you sure? Is it possible to move some of them to list a to solve them?
5. Give up the questions in List B. ..
5. Find a vivid role model in life.
We have all experienced the era of learning from examples, and examples are lofty and far away for us. So our enthusiasm for learning from the role model gradually faded from the role model, because we know that we may never be a great hero in our life.
Yes, you can't be a hero, but you can be a happy ordinary person, such as your friend Daning, who is energetic, young, generous, intelligent and interesting. She runs a gynecological clinic, works as a company consultant, writes a regular column for a city, and has a handsome husband and lovely daughter.
Do you have such excellent people around you? Take him as your example! You can think: I can do what she can do, but our styles are so different that I can't do anything in her way. But I will imitate some things she does and do it in my way. You can always see potential in her that you never realized.
Find an example for you to learn from among the people around you! They are smarter, better educated, more advanced and more persistent than you. You will naturally improve your emotional intelligence in the process of catching up with them.