First of all, what kind of ideas are children most susceptible to?
-The thoughts of the people closest to you? Many people will answer like this.
It is true that the thoughts of people who spend the most time with their children are very easy to influence their children, which is also the trouble of many mothers. Although I strongly feel that my children's grandparents have many ideas and obvious problems in the way they treat their children, they have to give them to their grandparents because they don't have enough time to accompany them every day when they are young. At the same time, I am also worried that my children will be adversely affected by the older generation.
For this problem, my suggestion is:
1. Parents should still spend as much time as possible with their children, preferably more than half an hour every day and more on weekends.
Although this time allocation is still far less than the time spent with grandparents, "effective companionship" has a much greater impact on children than simple companionship.
3. The person who can influence children most powerfully is the person recognized and loved by children. In fact, not only children, but also adults. Many times, in order to defend the people we admire and love, we can even "betray" our long-standing position.
So, how to make children recognize and love themselves?
Parents actually have an advantage over grandparents. Because parents are younger, more energetic and tolerant, and more receptive to new things, these are important qualities to improve the quality of children's getting along with each other.
These advantages enable parents to win the affinity competition with their grandparents. Children can easily find that grandparents can't take them to play, but mom and dad can; If grandparents can't understand, mom and dad can; Games that grandparents can't play, mom and dad can; For questions that grandparents can't do, mom and dad can. ...
In such a strong contrast, children will of course be more inclined to imitate and learn from their parents.
In addition, in addition to showing the advantages of parents' ability, our understanding, appreciation and tolerance of children are also the key weapons to establish intimate relationships with children. If a child can truly feel that his parents are patient with him, can understand his feelings, can support him and appreciate him, then the child (in fact, adults are the same) will involuntarily have a centripetal force on his parents.
When the child's performance is not ideal, smile and continue to cheer for the child; Give your child a gentle and firm hug when he is crying, angry or afraid, instead of reprimanding and suppressing or hurriedly accommodating; When the child is in doubt, accompany the child to explore the answer: when the child does something (be careful not to succeed), he is good at finding the positive part and expressing his approval in time ... If he can do as much as possible, he will expand his influence on the child.
Many parents mistakenly think that the key to making children "understand the truth" is to tell them right and wrong, but in fact, what parents say can make children willing to listen and do their best, and more importantly, the image of parents in their children's hearts.
Just like I see such a child from time to time: he speaks very logically, and when he does something wrong, he knows where he is wrong. But I just can't change it. This is because parents spend too much time telling their children right and wrong, and the result is just to let him remember these "truths"; However, I forgot to spend time and wisdom to establish a good relationship with my children and plant a warm and beautiful impression of my parents in my children's hearts.
Children know more, but they don't feel the recognition and appreciation of their parents at all. A scholar dies for a bosom friend-he is not "known" by his parents, so how can he sincerely change himself for his parents?
Of course, some parents may feel that there is no need to go to such trouble, and they are more willing to believe that "a dutiful son is born under the stick" and think that strict discipline and even punishment can have an immediate effect. He doesn't believe in "understanding", "acceptance" and "appreciation", which are not as useful as a real beating. Such parents proudly claim that this method can make their children remember the most.
Indeed, when a child is young and weak, he can only rely on his family's life to take care of him and can't resist his family's violence. Severe punishment can really intimidate him and make him have to give in to his powerful parents and do whatever they say.
But when children grow up, they can get rid of the care and control of their families more and more. Once pent-up resentment and anger break out, it will be extremely destructive and even catastrophic. This is why many parents complain that their children are obedient when they are young, but they suddenly become rebellious and unruly overnight (usually in adolescence), which is also extremely antagonistic to parents.
I really want to say to these parents: I have to pay back sooner or later when I come out to hang out. When I think so, I am actually angry, sad and helpless. )
If we didn't spend time and wisdom with our children when they were young and treat them in the most convenient and relaxed way, now we have to pay them back twice.
Of course, a few parents are too strong. Children live in the shadow of their parents all their lives, and there is no chance of resistance and rebellion, so they can be "good children" all their lives. But such children, even as adults, still have to rely on the care or control of their parents; When you meet someone, you will only talk to you the way your parents used to. Once the method fails, you will panic and fall into great fear and incompetence.
And this kind of situation will certainly happen, because modern society changes too fast, and it is often a wide and profound change in social relations, and the effectiveness of past experience is getting shorter and shorter. In the past, the pattern of "following the law of grass" and "following the law of father" was totally unsustainable.