Strictness refers to principles, rules, clear values and basic judgments. Severity is usually accompanied by anger, emotional loss of control and unreasonable punishment.
The traditional view of China people is that filial sons are born under sticks, and the enemy can be defeated without fighting. It is understandable to be strict with children, but many parents of "tiger mother" and "wolf father" in contemporary times, under the banner of "strictness", actually adopt almost harsh education and are completely "autocratic and tyrannical" to their children. Such "strictness" may not bring the imagined educational effect.
Strict parents
Some parents are very strict with their children, and even ask them to obey unconditionally, such as "You must go home before 10", "Don't watch TV", "You must get into the exam before 10 this time" and "Don't sleep until you finish these things" ...... If the children fail to meet the requirements or "violate" their parents' orders, parents will threaten, humiliate or. ......
According to the definition of psychologists, this is a way of lacking the warmth and sympathy of parents. Many parents feel that they are tolerant and love their children. In real life, when children irritate their parents, most parents will instinctively adopt this strict education method to deter their children.
Can such strictness really educate "obedient good children"? Research shows that children bound by authoritarian parents have many problems in behavior habits, social skills, mental health, studies and so on.
Your harshness often makes children like this. ......
Psychologist Baker put it well: "Parents who are too strict with their children may force them to form good habits, but they will also make them feel uneasy, dependent, timid, afraid to speak out, unwilling to work hard and unwilling to participate in creative activities. In comparison, this kind of parenting is not worth the candle. "
Behavioral problems
When children have bad behavior, the method of forcing children to change through psychological control in the form of threats and severe punishment has obvious short-term effects. But in the long run, children's behavior has not fundamentally changed. On the contrary, these children who are disciplined by "dictatorship" often have more "externalized behavior problems", such as aggression, arrogance, alcoholism and even anti-social behavior.
Social skills
Children who are severely disciplined are often accompanied by social difficulties. It is difficult for them to make friends, and the probability of being bullied is higher than other children-whether as bullies or bullied.
A recent study of American college students found that students raised by strict parents are more likely to engage in bullying, especially those children who are often under punitive control of their parents; At the same time, the children of this family are evaluated by teachers as less gregarious, more aggressive, less easily accepted by their peers, and more easily isolated and bullied.
mental health
Strict parents will make children more prone to anxiety, inferiority and depression.
In a behavioral genetics study, researchers found that children with strict fathers are more likely to suffer from mental illness. They will also have more difficulties in emotional adjustment. In addition, studies in the United States show that adolescents or adults who received authoritarian education from their parents in childhood are more prone to depressive symptoms.
The influence of this autocratic education mainly lies in the severity, indifference or punishment of parents. For example, some studies show that corporal punishment can lead to an increase in the rate of depression and anxiety in children.
It is better for children to love them like this.
Most authoritarian parents can only use this harsh method to achieve short-term results because they don't know how to discipline their children effectively. In fact, children should be educated strictly, not severely. Strictness refers to principles, rules, clear values and basic judgments. Severity is usually accompanied by anger, emotional loss of control and unreasonable punishment.
Strict parents will set limits for their children, enforce standards, and let them feel the warmth of their parents. They encourage children to ask questions and patiently explain the basic principles behind the rules. Instead of controlling children's behavior by inducing shame, guilt and coercion.
Why does the seemingly simple and effective "strict" policy lead to a series of problems for children? Normal rules will not bring harm to children. What needs to be worried is whether you will carry bad emotions and pass them on to your children in the process of implementing the rules.
Beating up a child will not change his character, introversion and dullness because of the beating behavior and physical injury. It is precisely because of the anger and threats conveyed to him by his parents that he has a psychological shadow. Rules don't hurt children, but emotions of fear, anger and anxiety do. It is right to be "strict" with children, but it is really not.