She talked about her relationship with her parents in an interview program.
She once sent a screenshot of her chat with her mother. First, her mother said that she was distressed by her daughter's hard work, and then she went to KTV to sing happily with her old sisters.
At that time, there was a comment in her Weibo that read: Really ... My mother often expressed that I live for you, and I am really, really tired.
Because it poked the hearts of many people, this comment ranked first in the first hot comment.
I did all this for you. This sentence is familiar to children when they grow up.
I didn't get good grades at school. My parents say I work hard to make money every day. Can you live up to me?
As adults, they failed to get married and have children as they wished. They said that all their hopes for the rest of their lives were to have grandchildren. How can you let our hopes fail?
Even when they quarrel, they will tell you that if it weren't for you, they would have left.
This kind of words, for children, is extremely lethal.
Papi sauce said: I only say this to show that I have paid a lot for my children. I hope they can study hard and work hard, but I feel guilty for my children. It seems that all the bad places in parents' lives are caused by children.
Her mother used to be like this.
After retirement, her mother was in a daze at home all day. After this state lasted for a while, papi sauce urged my mother to go to the university for the aged.
At first, my mother was very resistant and felt that her daughter just didn't want to see herself every day.
Later, after she really went, she found that it was a very wise decision.
She doesn't have to think about her daughter's day after work every day. She has her own small circle. In her spare time, she would sing and dance with some old sisters, and even go out together, so she never wanted to live entirely for herself.
Since then, my mother has swept away the sense of loss in retirement and lived a wonderful life every day.
If parents only revolve around their children all their lives, this love will be too heavy for them.
Many parents believe that children can feel at ease only if they live well. This sentence should actually be said by their children to their parents. Only when their parents arrange their days comfortably can they feel at ease.
As papi sauce says: I hope your happiness doesn't all come from your children.
Your happiness should consist of many things. For example, if you grow flowers, you can eat a good dish yourself, and your children will get a raise. All these can constitute your happiness, not just from your children.
Douban has a Taiwanese drama with a score as high as 8. 1, called "Your child is not your child", which deserves every parent's deep thought.
After her husband cheated and was forced to divorce, Xiao Wei's mother had only one demand: I only want my son.
Since then, everything in her life has revolved around her son. She devoted all her energy to Xiao Wei, never remarried and didn't believe in feelings. She became a woman who only lived for her son.
Parents who pay full attention to their children will also ask their children to give the same attention. Their love is also a kidnapping, so heavy that children can't breathe.
By chance, she got a time controller, which can jump to the past indefinitely.
At this point, the disaster in Xiao Wei began.
As long as he is a little disobedient to his mother, her mother will press the time controller and let him go back to the time before the incident, over and over again until the child admits his mistake and asks for mercy.
In her view, all this is for Xiao Wei's good and for his future. Even if you hate her now, it doesn't matter The children will thank her in the future.
Xiao Wei fell in love with a girl, and her mother ordered him to break up. Xiao Wei vowed to die, and her mother sent the girl back when she didn't know Xiao Wei.
Xiao Wei, who was tortured, tried to commit suicide, but his mother saved him with a controller every time. Even if he dies, Xiao Wei has no autonomy.
Xiao Wei asked her mother, "How many more times do you want me to die?" Mother replied, "die until you choose to live."
This mother, under the banner of you, binds her life to her children, and becomes hysterical when she is out of control.
Although it is a fictional story, this kind of deformed and horrible love reflects to some extent the morbid love that places one's life entirely on children.
In the previous article, Biao wrote about zhuyuchen's mother's excessive love for him. In the cold winter in Beijing, his mother cooked chicken hair dishes for him, which made his hands full of cracks.
When zhuyuchen refused to eat, his mother reached out her injured hand: Look, my mother picked it out for you. My hand is cracked.
Zhuyuchen said at that time: You want to kill me.
No matter where zhuyuchen is filming, she will cook for him and move to Beijing to take care of her son.
Get up at four o'clock every morning and cook pear juice for my son. For ten years, zhuyuchen couldn't even drink it.
Think about it, this kind of love really makes children feel suffocated.
Most people in China seem to have reduced their "self" to a very small size after becoming parents. All their lives, they are trying their best to dedicate themselves to their children.
When I was young, I was busy for my children to eat better milk powder and go to better primary schools. When the child grows up, I am worried about the child's lifelong event and the house. When my grandson was born, I burned the rest of my life and raised the next generation.
They pin their happiness and belief on whether their children are happy or not, but ignore themselves.
There is a topic on Zhihu: What is the experience of having a particularly cool mother?
Gao Zan replied from the netizen "Big White Dog Leg".
In 1980s, her mother was admitted to the university because of her excellent grades. In order to become a teacher, she went to Inner Mongolia to teach for two years.
In order to be a good mother, she majored in education in her spare time. A few years later, she got a degree.
Later, the school leaders asked her to take the postgraduate thesis, and my mother wanted to improve her education and began to prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination. During that time, she took care of two children after work and began to read books after being put to sleep at night. After that, I got a master's degree.
She never gave up her self-growth because of her children. She thinks these are two independent individuals. Why did she give up her life because of her children?
Later, the children went abroad to study, and the mother began to learn English again. When she visits her daughter abroad later, she can have a good talk with her American neighbors.
She gave birth to a pair of children all her life, but unlike other mothers, she did not give up her career and personal hobbies and devoted herself to the identity of "mother". For her, even if she becomes a mother, this identity is not her only one.
She won't "sacrifice" herself for the growth of her children. On the contrary, the best way for her to raise children is to lead them to grow up together.
I feel good about what her mother said. I encourage you:
Remember, before you have children, no one is worth sacrificing your career and principles, including your future boyfriend and even your husband. One day when you have a child, you may instinctively sacrifice for him, but you must remember that you are yourself first, followed by your wife and mother.
Many women focus on their children and families all their lives, and seldom put their own needs first.
I have a good job opportunity. I'd like to be confined to the kitchen for the sake of the children. I want to buy beautiful clothes, but I can't stand it. I gritted my teeth and turned to buy expensive toys and clothes for my children. I wanted to see the world, but I gave up when I thought that this money could give my children several remedial classes.
You think it's selfless, but it's also a burden for children.
●? How can a child be happy when his mother is unhappy?
Believe me, if the mother is unhappy, the child will not dare to be happy, because he thinks her mother is miserable. If he is happy, it is the biggest betrayal to her.
●? Mother tied herself to the child, how could the child fly high?
It is the best thing for a person to be responsible for himself. If he wants to keep tying another person's business to himself, it will be too tired. How can he devote himself wholeheartedly to his work and life?
●? How can a mother get the love of her children if she doesn't love herself?
Love yourself first, and then get the love of others. This is a simple truth. A hysterical mother, a slovenly mother, a controlling mother, I'm afraid even her own children will be afraid.
Many times, the dinner table is always thinking about what is the best state for parents and children. I thought about it for a long time, and I think it should be four words: mutual fulfillment.
Parents untie the shackles on their children and let them fly higher and farther. Similarly, children should stop asking their parents to give them more conditions to do what they want and love themselves after giving their lives.
This is mutual fulfillment.
I hope all parents can understand that your father or mother is not your only identity, and you have the right to strive for a better life for yourself.
The children will be really happy for you.