As parents, we want our children to be excellent and live a happy life. Naturally, we will pay special attention to everything they encounter when they grow up, especially before their children reach adulthood. We hope to control all the variables around children and help them build the foundation of a better life.
However, there are many variables in life, which variables will have a key impact on a child's life?
Sue Holmes, a famous educator, believes that there are six most important variables that affect children's growth. Parents must understand them and realize them.
First, family is the foundation of children's growth.
Satya, an American family therapist, said: "A person's personality, outlook on life, spiritual character, way of thinking and living habits are deeply influenced by his family background, and many of them are even decisive."
Being born in a family is the soil for children to grow up, and it is the most basic for children to grow up. It provides children with more than just a place to live. Everything a child experiences and accepts in his family has left the deepest imprint on his life.
There is a saying in the mirror: every child is born with a blank sheet of paper, and his parents are painters. What a blank sheet of paper becomes depends on his parents. "
As parents, when we ask our children to become what kind of people, we must first look back at ourselves and see if we meet these standards. If not, please contact them first and then influence them.
Second, the teacher's cognitive level determines the height of children's growth.
In the book Road to Goals, the author William Damon emphasizes that adults outside the family play a key role in children's growth. One of the most important roles is the teacher.
A survey conducted by Stanford University shows that respect from teachers is the most important source of students' sense of belonging to the school. The more students feel the respect of teachers, the more they will like learning; The more teachers trust their students, the less they violate discipline.
If you communicate with children who are partial to subjects, you will find that a large number of children are partial to subjects because they don't like teachers, and the influence of teachers on children is self-evident.
Jason A. Okonov, a social psychologist at Stanford University, pointed out that "changing a teacher's mentality can change a child's experience of the whole world".
If a child can have a teacher who has a strong sense of responsibility, respects and trusts students and is willing to get along with them, it can be said that it is the greatest luck in his life.
Third, playmates that cannot be ignored
The study found that the ability to make friends as a child determines the interpersonal relationship as an adult. Children who learn to establish friendship from an early age develop better interpersonal relationships in adulthood, that is, the quality of friendship is very high.
Friends can reduce children's loneliness, increase children's happiness and self-confidence, make children's psychology healthier, and improve children's learning interest and learning effect.
Especially for adolescent children, the importance of partners even exceeds that of parents, and children begin to trust their friends more. A word from a friend is better than a hundred words from a parent.
However, good friends can make progress with you, and bad friends can pull you into the dark abyss.
Therefore, parents must pay attention to it and let their children learn what kind of people to choose as friends.
Parents should help their children choose friends from an early age, such as observing the other parents' three views, education level and basic quality, and helping their children choose a family with harmonious parents' values.
Fourth, self-education
Suhomlinski believes that people should be educated to know themselves and educate themselves from an early age. Self-education should have very important and powerful promoting factors-self-esteem, self-respect and self-motivation.
He pointed out that only when a person's mind is very sensitive to such meticulous and purely human educational means as good words, advice and eyes can he educate himself. If a person is used to being rude and only responds to "strong" language, shouting and coercion, there is no self-education at all.
Trust is the key to self-education. Only when children feel trust will they have a sense of security and motivation, thus generating internal motivation to change themselves and make themselves better.
The environment will affect children. Our responsibility is to establish a safe, healthy and respectful environment for children and let them develop healthily.
Children who are punished are all superficial obedience. In such a mood, self-education is impossible.
5. Books are the key to wisdom.
A paper published in Psychology, a professional journal of the American Psychological Association, points out that a person's reading ability at the age of seven is directly related to his social and economic status as an adult. The higher your reading ability in childhood, the better your income, housing and job when you grow up.
Reading is not only to increase knowledge and improve grades. It will also affect the child's personality and ideological pattern.
Children will meet a wide world in books. They will talk to different wise men, exchange ideas and collide with them. They will stand on the shoulders of giants and see different scenery.
In the process of reading, children will constantly absorb, think, remember and analyze. In this process, children's logical thinking ability is quietly improving. This ability is hidden, but it is the key to open the gap between learning and thinking in the future.
Children aged 3- 12 are in the golden age of reading ability development, so in recent years, parents must cultivate their children's reading ability and encourage them to read widely.
6. Uncontrollable accidental factors
Accidental factors are uncontrollable, and they are all small accidents in life.
The new net friend that the child knows, the idol that the child has, a relative and friend who studies well, and a friend with outstanding ability may all have an important influence on the child.
In this part, we are uncontrollable and controllable.
If you want to control it, you should pay attention to children's character education, virtue education and three-view growth, improve children's cognitive ability and judgment ability, and enhance their internal driving force.
Improve children's ability to judge accidental factors by improving their own quality, ability and conduct.
In fact, among the above six variables, the first and the fifth are most controllable by parents, that is, to strive to provide a warm family environment for their children, to enhance their power to be role models for their children, and to cultivate their habit and ability of reading for life. Once these two can do it right, the other four can actually develop under the correct guidance of these two.
Faced with the six variables of children's growth, parents must have a clear idea of how to guide their children's growth.